I am going down in the basement to hang myself. I am fed up! Really fed up! In this world you give a heart and your beloved give you back a stone. How can you live this way…. If you want to leave comments go on my suicide blog… At least, I will leave something that people will be able to read after me.http://notgosuicide.blogspot.ca/
Tag:
Heart
So, here it goes: I’m a failure. I didn’t pass one freaking exam this semester.
Consequence: I get my money cut off. So now I won’t have money for cigarettes, coffee, an occasional night out – pretty much all the little things that were keeping me alive.
I can’t kill myself yet. My mom is not strong enough to be able to take it yet. So that will have to wait for a little bit – no matter how much I wish I could do it now.
Solution: Get a Job. So I’m leaving in a little bit to try and go get job at the casino – […]
Throughout my life (18 years) ive been everyones punching bag or the small kid they can bully..ive been the victim of name calling and generally not nice comments such as “you should go kill yourself nobody will miss you!
Family life wasn’t any better from a young age I used to get beat up and everyone turned a blind eye to it…..
As this got worse I took it all to heart which has and still does affect relationships with women and generally people mainly friends, through all this ive lost pretty much everything, I have no self esteem and ive tried committing suicide on several occasions […]
What’s a life when you stand for nothing? Nothing. You have to stand for something. If you stand for nothing, then anything will send you over the edge. You’re already on the ground, all that happens is everything washes over you, and you begin to sink in the dark swirling mess. But if you stand for something, you have to get brought to your knees before you fall. It doesn’t sound like fun, and it isn’t, because each time you fall to your knees, hope seems to be lost. Many times people will stand up for their dreams, but dreams are shot down, and then […]
You all were right. I should’ve made my ‘man’ choose earlier. But I guess it wouldn’t matter anyways. The girl he’s been dating for two years? Apparently they were engaged since September of two years ago. “Fiance Scene” it says on her site.
I’m shaking. I’m so upset, I can’t believe it. Should I believe him?.. Honestly I feel like I really am being strung along now. And like there’s no way out. I passed out my heart way too much. And look what happens. Every single time my heart just breaks a little more. And I think that this guy was my last chance to […]
I don’t know if this website is for this type of comment but I’m going to post it anyway just to empty my head. I have seriously been pondering suicide for the past few weeks (again) and have gotten down to a few ways to do so. My dilemma is my precious dog, who is my companion and that I love more than anything. He is so very dependent on me that he will not leave my side for any reason. My problem is what will become of him if I leave this ugly world? I don’t know anyone who would give him the love […]
The first installment to the Notepad saga…. yep, that’s it.
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To Whom It May Concern,
You may think of me as stupid. Ugly. Dumb for meeting my 2 best friends over the internet. Meeting the love of my life over the internet. Stupid for writing this, but you don’t know how I feel. Let me tell you.
Living every day is a fuckin’ chore. Going to school is a chore. Walking, carrying everything I need, and just being on the computer with my love is a chore. Trying to survive without him actually being here is a chore. Without the people who truly understand me. Is it such a […]
My best friend stayed with me for 20 days, We were high the entire time laughing and listening to the radio, and watching cartoons, when he left it smashed my heart in half I was just coming down and the whole thing felt like I time warped through it all. My plan was to kill myself after my friend left, I made the most of the time but now the moment is on me, it warped so fast I cant believe it. Even seeing the names of any shows I watched with him makes my heart clench up, He doesnt expect it, I didnt realize […]
You take the knife and do no harm
But feel the blood drip down your arm
You realize something
It’s all about the pain
You’re on a quest to find some there
To feel anything, anyone, anywhere
But you already knew that
You just don’t understand why you can’t get past it
It’s not about the hurt
It’s not about the hate
It’s not about what you can’t explain
It’s not about what you’ve done
Not about the punishment
It’s all about the pain
Just trying to feel something
I’ve been down the road before
Sometimes I’m still there
Rip out my heart as I cut up the […]
The anger is boiling
Festering inside of me
It wants to erupt
But will remain hidden
Away from all the preying eyes
That lie in waiting for me to break
Hidden deep within my heart
Away from everyone
Too many secrets
Painful memories
Lies
Betrayal
I won’t ever tell
No deals
Just forget it
The anger will remain
But my face won’t show it
My heart won’t tell it
I’m fine
Perfectly fine
Miss cheerful
As always
The same simple lie
The tears they fall unfiltered and pure
Pouring out pain that nothing can cure
Tumbling, cascading like the waterfall
The vivid mark of agony’s call
Those salty drops of feminine curse
Trapped under weight, day by day growing worse
no one to catch them, no one to see
No one else lost in this hell-hole but me
Screaming in terror at the walls closing in
Dropping to my knees, my head starts to spin
Feeling the rage within growing stronger
What in the hell have I done that’s so wrong?
The quickness of breath and tightness of chest
I have endured through it all, gave […]
It would be nice if, for once, leaving your house didn’t mean potentially ending up in that school parking lot by myself at 3 in the morning.
I’m driving, and I can feel it coming on. I knew it was going to happen as soon as you touched me and my thoughts immediately replaced your hands with his. I held it off the whole evening so I could enjoy my time with you but as soon as I’m alone again, I am truly alone. The wheel become harder to control as my hands start shaking and my breathing gets ragged. My head becomes lighter and fills […]
Like I’m supposed to be able to carry the world on my shoulders..like Atlas
Like I’m supposed to know all the answers like Einstein
Like I’m supposed to influence thousands, even millions..like Martin Luther King
But what happens when you know..deep down..that you cant?
When you know youre not strong enough, smart enough, or brave enough?
I know these things. I know I cant do anything you think I can do. I am a loser.
And it breaks my heart that you think I’m Superman..because I cant be..your superman
I just cant…
I’ve been planning to commit suicide for more than a decade. Life is meaningless to me. I have no interest in doing anything. Why we need to live if we all will die one day eventually.
I’ve told my best friends and parents about my thoughts many times, the only thing that keeps me alive is that I don’t want to hurt my parents. However, this makes me feel more depressed and at one point I thought I should wait till they left before I could end my own life, but I’ve no idea how long I can wait.
I’m a spoiled kid, I got whatever I […]
i m 22 years old and i m the biggest loser in the world. I have failed in each and every field of life, studies, sports, socialising, relationships, etc. i love a girl very much. but she has no feelings for me and she keeps on saying, “i dont love u, but i want u just as a friend”. these words tears my heart apart. i even stopped contacting her. but she contacts me once in a week and repeats the same lines. i just cant take it any more. but i cant even b rude to her.
i suck in sports. whenever i play i […]
You know how it is
When you feel like there’s no one that cares about you
When your heart turns cold from betrayal
When your skin burns the morning after cutting
When your mind is so tired from many sleepless nights
When you realize that all you breathe is hate and all you know is sorrow
When you see that quitting is your only way out
I sit here. Staring blankly at nothing.
So many thoughts running through my mind.
It hurts, it burns.
Hatred flares through me like raging fire.
It doesn’t stop, it never will stop.
I hate all this, I hate myself.
I feel sick. I feel tired.
I reach my palms out and beg for help.
I wished there was someone who could understand.
I was wrong, so so wrong.
I went to someone whom I trusted.
I tried to tell him my pain, I prayed that he would understand.
But he just threw more daggers against my heart.
Not only didn’t he understand but he saw me mad.
He kept telling me how ungrateful I was.
That there were many people […]
If I told you would you understand? If I told you what I’ve done, would you love who I am? I chose the wrong things in everything, choosing nothing in the end. Run, run, running away. Sleep, dream, waiting for the good just to fall into my hands. Love left me in its dust, lust drove by and picked me up. It forced me back to my feet by cutting out my heart and leaving my soul to die. I tried to find the answers in half truths, but they only told me lies. I tried to kill my pain but each cut brought it […]
i hurt everyone i concern myself with
this guy likes me, he is 3 years older than me.
he told me and asked me out, and i didn’t know how to respond because i do like him, but he is too kind and good for me, i would only damage him.
so i said no, his friends had been dumping a load of shit on me saying that he is really distraught about it and stuff.
i a can’t help but feel a pang in my heat everytime anything is mentioned about him. i wish i could be with him, but it’s not good for him.
i started getting better… […]
I try to plan an effective way to kill myself, how to do so in a way that would still put my organs to good use, how to do so in a way that minimizes the chance of survival etc. etc. but as I am being comforted by my planning, the people I am close to in my life pop up in my mind. Then my resolve disappears.
I couldn’t do something like that to them, whether or not I manage to make it look like an accident. I’ve never experienced someone close to me dying so I have no idea how painful it actually […]