Im in my 3rd year of college. In the past i never really tried to put an effort in my academics since i naturally excel at it. My family especially my parents keeps on pressuring me to excel and be the top of my year since my parents think that finally one of their children was able to “inherit” their intellect. So this semester I had tried to put some efforts in my academics but to my frustration i failed all my subjects. Everyone around me, even my friends hero worship me because they think that im so great and that not true at all […]
Hello everybody.
Just before I recite my terribly long story, I’d like to wish you all a very pleasant day <3
So .. My story … I’m a 14 year old guy and I have been dealing with a lot emotionally for a couple of years now. Let’s start with my parents. Ever since I was young, everybody thought I had the best parents in the world. Heck, my mom even quit her job just to take care of me and my sister. You might say I’m weird, you might say I’m insensitive for hating my parents when all they do is love me. Right? Anyways, […]
Song I’m listening to right now.
I’ve done alot since my last post. I’m being usually creative. My friends are wowed and my parents are impressed. I’m not. It won’t matter in a few years anyway. No matter how many photos I snap or how hard I work the garden, how many times I do simple things to make my and others lives better I’m still unhappy. Even though a smile is weakly plastered on my face. I’m pushing myself to the limits before I die.
No matter if a happy event comes to me or not I will say this. That fear has […]
I can’t complain too much about my life. Both my parents love me, though sometime I find myself thinking it’s because they have to. I have a little sister and an older brother. Things I have to complain about are typical in our now a day system.
I’ll start with my siblings.
My little sister is a princess at heart but a complete wannabe to the darker side of life. She loves shopping for clothes and toys alike. Though fakes being bored. She loves the colors pink and purple and does her best to hide it. We all know how good little kids are at hiding things. […]
“I’d wish to never rememberâ€
“It just hurts every time I doâ€
“Every one had moved on…
                                 Why can’t I…?â€
Afraid to be loved
cuz I know that love isn’t for me
Afraid to be loved
cuz all I do is hurt
Being rushed
cuz I know they’ll leave just like that
All the memories of the good
Taunts me every day
Two to three years wasn’t anything
AÂ long distance
Terrified
I sinned
My guilt
My regret
I wasn’t patient enough
Forgive and forget
Easier said then done
I broke his heart
It was my mistake
I wanted him the most
I wanted Angel to come and rescue me
But no he didn’t
He couldn’t
He wanted to be with his friends more
Than to be with me
I came back […]
i feel ugly inside, like i have nothing positive to offer the people of earth. all the wrong things bring me joy and the right things make me feel uncomfortable. i laughed at a disabled woman on saturday and it was the hardest and most enjoyable laugh that ive had in months. i look forward to other peoples misery and usually slink away from smiling faces and the stories behind them.
what am i? i dont believe in anything(angels, demons etc) so im just a disturbed human. ive been hurt to the point that other peoples hurt is all that i crave; hurt people hurt […]
Okay so i have been through therapy and it made everything worse. I don’t know how to deal with all the voices inside my head telling me what i need to do i am a dyslexic fifteen year old I’m going to be a junior and i don’t want to even see tomorrow. This will be long but i have a lot of reasons i want to disappear.
One is my sister she always puts me down and makes me feel like i don’t belong in the world i wish i could tell here shes a stupid ***** and doesn’t deserve to even see me let alone talk to me.
I […]
She looks into her heart
Walking inside the kingdom
Everything shattered
Broken
Yesterday was clear and beautiful
Now a broken path so unrealistic
Everyone says it’s going to be alright
Everything is going to get better
But it doesn’t
It will never be alright
Hopes
Dreams
Were nothing but a broken promise
Love was once there
But not anymore
Memories vanished
So hazzy like they were never there
Yesterday was nothing but a dream
It never really happened
When I look outside the window I see nothing but a nightmare
The dreams that I once accepted are now all gone
Just a faded memory
The only time that I’ll wake up from this nightmare
When my prince will come and rescue me
From this prisoned darkness.
The blackest of them all
AÂ pit where infinity goes on forever
AÂ melt down
An angel that will carry me off
Carry my heart with them.
I already miss that feeling.
Darkness and the enemy has taken me away for a long time
It was such an adventure but now
IÂ just want to feel safe
Feel protected
And feel loved
Feel accepted
I want my broken wings to be fixed
IÂ already learned my […]
I wish I could run away to something safe. This world is seeming so full of danger, so full of loss and I’m scared. My partner of many years keeps going back to the same behaviors that utterly utterly break my heart. He cannot see me at all, he just sees an enemy, someone trying to hurt him. I can’t imagine a worst torture for myself than this, and the way things have been. He snaps out of it sometimes and helps me build trust with him and I act in the ways he says he wants me to, but he still gets angry and […]
I don’t know why I’m even bothering, but what the hell. I’m still here. Still not in the pokey, either, though I suspect I’m running out of time.
I think I’m sticking around just to piss people off. I’m probably just chickenshit.
It dawned on me this morning that if I was someone else looking at my life and my situation, I’d be telling me to fight hell and high water. Even if I lose, I’d still get to take down a few assholes with me. My brother deserves to be in jail for rape. My narcissistic sister needs a serious dose of reality to shatter her […]
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you […]
You messed up again , u Had Nothing to Prove .Â
U Don’t Love me , whats their to Loose …
You look me In the Eye But All u can say is Lies, made up Stories and Fake Alibis ..
How Can I Be able To trust when   I stress to Much, I’m confused to Kno if this love or is it just Lust …
I Cry so Many Nights SleeplessÂ
Trying to Win the Fight,Â
Hanging on to this relationship really tight .Â
Now im Loosing my gripÂ
My heart is Sinking like a flooded ship ..
Still hanging on at the […]
I just… don’t have any reason to be alive anymore. I can’t take being this lonely another year, and my situation won’t change unless i change, but I haven’t changed in 32 years, so it’s clearly not going to happen. I can’t even fake it anymore. My one friend came over for my birthday and I just shut down mid-afternoon. I don’t have anything left to say to anyone, or anything to contribute. I’m not a very good person, at heart, so I don’t give anything. back to anyone, just take, take, take. I tried to say I am really depressed, but I’ve had cyclical […]
I hate feeling sorry for myself. I realize how good I got it. How AWESOME my life would be to most. On the outside this “wanna-be hard ass” or that “beautiful smile that lights up a room” type of happy-go-lucky girl (As my 4th grade teacher would say). This girl who’s loud and fun to be around aka the LIFE of the party; that girl who doesn’t want the party to stop ……. That’s the problem ; that’s who you see … That’s who I allow you to see. I’m SUCH a good actress aren’t I? … because this girl inside , is dying … […]
All alone, or in twos,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall;
Some hand in hand,
Some gathered together in bands,
The bleeding hearts and the artists
Make their stand;
And when they’ve given you their all, some stagger and fall
After all it’s not easy
Banging your heart against some mad bugger’s wall.
– Roger Waters, The Wall
I try to remember it’s not their fault I feel bad. I shouldn’t shut out the people I love. It’s really hard to not want to hide behind the wall. But I need to be better.
I took 12 lortab and nothing happened. Tomorrow I think I will take 20 and all the xanax  I have. I cant stop from breaking down. I always get abandoned. I always get used. I am tired of the loneliness, I miss my ex…I dont know how I could just be disgarded like garbage after all the love I have given. Why do people lie and say they love you when they only want to use you.
My heart is just broke, it wont heal…I am tired of living with this pain…it just wont go away….I am invisible nobody will miss me anyway….
I’ve been to the point where i would sit in my room alone crying for hours. ive looked into ways on how to kill myself. ive spit on every one of my friends names. ive been completely depressed. but i got better. i made it better by myself. i have a mother who doesnt get it, doesnt get me, fights with me worse than a teenager. an older sister with a complete anger issue and temper and a little brother who doesnt quite get life right now. a father that tore our family apart for a girl 2 years older than my older sister. it […]
Reading some of the posts here just break my heart. There are so many people that have been, or – in some cases, currently subject to the most hideous abuses by those that are supposed to care for them. Those with drug addicted or alcoholic parents, those that are being physically and sexually abused by members of their own family, or even worse.  It makes the trials and tribulations of my formative years, whilst far from idyllic, seem like paradise in comparison.
Then, there are those for whom fortune has gone and taken a great big dump all over them. These are the people that were […]
Sometimes I wish I was normal but that’s never going to happen. Life is supposed to get better but I doubt that. All I feel is numbness and it’s better than the pain I felt before. The only thing stopping me from going through with suicide is my best friends wouldn’t be able to handle my death well. My mom stopped caring about me a long time ago but my dad would go crazy without me with him. I refuse to live for myself, I only live for them, although I don’t care about myself, I care too much about others to put them through […]