They don’t have to know.
Heck, they shouldn’t even know!
I can’t even explain why do I want to do this. But I just can’t face this anymore.
All those weird stares and subtle jabs, even from my lovely, caring parents.
I really should die, shouldn’t I.
I know the last couple of my posts have been nature based, but I can’t seem to get away from it (figuratively, not literally, cause we all live in Nature, hehe). I am over-flowering (ah geeze, nature puns heh) with a need to branch out (here we go again) and take the thorns (that’s he last one I promise) from your sides. I wish my words could block the negativity plaguing your hearts- but I can’t. Not fully anyway. I hope you all, my lovelies, took my advice from yesterday and made someone’s day a tid-bit brighter. In fact, I took my own advice and […]
There’s no fear, only this immense sense of relief and satisfaction. And happiness.
I know what’s waiting for me at the end of the tunnel, and I can’t fucking wait to get there already.
Heck, I won’t even be mad if I survive the attempt and be severely paralyzed for the rest of my life. But I need to feel it. Even if for a few seconds, I need to feel it.
31/09/2014.
This is my story from the start http://suicideproject.org/2013/07/my-story-161/ please reaad that first before continuing down so you will understand the bits that i’ve missed out.
So you have read the beginnings and the main depth of what happened in my child/teen life. Heres some that i have missed out like my eating disorder , suicide attempt and the visions and self harm.
Im going to start off with the visions i get when i have anxiety attacks or panic attacks i haven’t told anyone what i hear, see or feeling during these episodes. Not even my psychiatrist. Well i get flash backs of the that night i got […]
Well, I haven’t been looking around much here, but I thought that if I write it down, I might have a better picture of my situation.
Basically, there’s nothing wrong with my life. I got a nice apt., a cat, a loving BF and a  great family. Even job is OK.
Thing is – I just don’t want to live anymore, I have no interest in seeing what will happen next, no plan for kids/children, no interest in finding a new job or studying (have already pursued a Master’s degree). In short, I just don’t care anymore. I don’t see the point of all this, I’m not […]
Haven’t been on this site for awhile. I was hoping not to come back, but I guess it was unavoidable.
I have a wife, a kid, a car, a mortgage. My wife has dreams. Wife makes twice as much as I do, and I am constantly between jobs. I have no dreams or hopes. I am trying really hard to hold on to my sanity and my job (as both a father and employee) but it is not working anymore and I am tired. I want to get the hell out of here.
I know very well that if I kill myself or divorce, I will destroy […]
well this is my story…
i am 18. i am no longer in school bc i feel victim to a sexual predator when i was 16/17….my “best friend” gave him $100 for my number.. he sent me so much shit that i just couldnt deal w/ it….i have been depressed before and attempted to kill myself before, but this was different. i took 45 benadryl and hoped to never wake up….sad fact is, my life is still worse
before this i had a girfriend. we had sex and well she became pregnant. i was nervous as all heck but i was almost overjoyed to be a father […]
   As I’ve spoken about in previous posts, I’ve had depression, anxiety and paranoid delusions for most of my life and it’s not easy to live with, especially the depression.
    For me, at 11 years old it began with a deep sadness that just never seemed to lift. It spiralled pretty quickly and I began to spend an awful lot of time alone in my bedroom. I felt as though I was the loneliest person in the world because nobody could really relate to what I was feeling. The thing that got to me most was that some people would say things like, “you’re […]
I had a plan; it all escalated over a guy; what’s new? He still gives me just enough to string me along. Â And there is a man who likes me but there is zero chemistry. Â Can’t there be chemistry and respect in one package? Â Not since me deceased husband, and I’m not sure even loved met at the end. Â OK, I’m not going to do anything drastic now, but I need you so much. Â The time will come again when I need someone to talk me down. Â You all understand a heck of a lot better than people on the hot lines. Â They mean well, […]
well as start i never thought that what happened to me exceed others pain,always seemed to me meanless and i always say,for God sake why i’m depressed
my depression came from my past,cuz when i was a child i always been sexually abused by my uncles,i felt dirty and sick,i always tried to tell it to my family but they never cared(until now i’am still being abused)and like this i started to have feeling for girls because everytime a guy touch me i feel disgusted and sick but with girls it was the apposit of it,well i won’t say that i’ am lesbian it was just […]
It’s been quite a long time since I’ve been on here,
Life still continues to pass me by. I met a girl who I have been involved with for around 9 months now.
I have learnt a lot about her.. Heck I even love her. I didn’t think I would meet anyone again at least not after the relationship I was in prior..
She’s changed from the girl I originally met back in December. She isn’t the girl I fell in love with..
She dismisses my feelings like they are just disposable. She’s sent my heart into a deep abyss, of darkness, anger and hate.
I have so much uncertainty […]
I am going to die- something I always think about yet never do. There’s no one to talk to, no one to rant to, no one that truly understands me… Not that anyone needs to- if you’re going to care, don’t leave me. a majority of people I told eventually left me- why? Was i too crazy for you? Didn’t you understand me? You didn’t want to associate with a suicidal, depressed, freak? Is that it? It is absolutely the worst feeling in the world. i can’t connect with many people- you can’t just TRY to relate something to me -or even LYING – just […]
Life loses it’s worth to live, sometimes.
There are days where you wake up and the first thing that comes to mind is “Shit, God woke me up again!”
It’ll get better, they say.
It’ll get easier they claim.
Who the heck are they kidding?
They don’t understand.
They have yet to feel what it’s like to be in my shoes.
What’s the point of reaching out?
All they’re gonna do is judge me.
They’re gonna pretend to care,
And then they’ll leave just like the rest.
Does any of this seem familiar to you?
You know it’s true. You think it too.
I can’t promise you that […]
(no particular order, i will add to it, i don’t mean to offend anyone, please don’t take it so personally)
People who make too much eye contact when your talking to them.
People who STARE…
TALL pEoPlE
i hate how im so different
PEOPLE WHO CALL YOU SHORT
I HATE HOW LIFEÂ doesn’t make a shit load of sense
POPULAR PEOPLE-kill them all… no im kidding…. ..
People who use you.
PEOPLE WHO DON”T LISTEN TO YOU, you need to scream until they answer
MORNING PEOPLE
BAD ACTORS (NICK CAGE-WTF borring
I love sleep
Dislike:waking up
DIslike:bedtime(insomnia)
i hate sleep paralysis
 I LOVE BEING ALONE
I hate how im so meaan to myself
I hate how i think im a pathological […]
So I’m startinq to let the real me out.I miss sayinq bi power on my status on Myspace lol.(Like three years aqo)I don’t know If I am bisexual.I’ve refused to answer that question In the past year and a half.Am I still attracted to boys???I don’t know,I just don’t know but I love qays tho!Yall judqe to much tho.It started when I was In eiqhth qrade.I started to qo boy huntinq with my old bestfriend causse I didn’t want her and my ex to do It and I quess I qrowed a feelinq for them.I only told three close friends,One was my old bestfriend.Couple days later two […]
but I feel fucked up. I’m burnt out, I know it; I should stop. But why? Nothing gets better. Sober, enflamed.. the only difference is I have less control of my motor functions and my brain squeezes out more depression juice.
The juice is always flowing though, illicit drugs or no. I’m grateful for my brain, being so awake with such an open perspective, but it’s alienating. I felt apart from the general public before first doing drugs. The thing about them is that they just make you feel more of how you already feel.. at least for me they do.
My volume simply gets turned up; […]
I have fucked so much shit up. I deserve to die. My parents fight because of me….my dad gave me a black eye today. My mom tried to to stop him from wailing on me…..and it was my fault. Why couldn’t I just shut my damn mouth? Even though i was in the right, why couldn’t i just swallow my pride, shut my damn mouth, and say i was wrong?
I want to cut so bad. I just want to feel something other than this pain inside. This sense of worthlessness, and being completely alone. Here Is my advice to you ( I don’t even know […]
Please log in to report posts