2 weeks ago I told my sister I don’t like boys and that I kind of like girls she said that it’s an abomination to like the same gender and it isn’t ‘natural’ and said she was against it and asked why would I even like girls and said if I were to die today I would most likely go to hell (she’s Christian) she said I need to go to church (I’m not that religious) she also said if I were to tell my dad that I like girls he would most likely stop talking to me he said he’d rather his daughter be […]
Ive struggled with depression and anxiety for four years now. I know of people who have had to fight their battle for way longer than that. My friends and the people on the internet say that recovery is possible. They say hold on to hope, look at the brighter side of life, think about your future. What happens when i do all that and more, but still want to die? Even at my happiest, i have that gnawing feeling of hatred for life in the back of my head. I know suicide shouldnt be an option. I know i have a lot to live for. […]
Im 17 years old. 18 on November 22. I just lost my dad on March 22, a little over 4 months ago from liver and kidney disease. I watched him suffer, deteriorate. My hero started needing me for help to do the simplest of tasks.. I had to help him up after the many times he had fallen. But now hes dead. He was in the hospital for a few months before he died so somethimes it doesnt seem like he is gone. But I never wanted to go see him in the hospital. You see his illness made him say some mean things. He […]
whenever someone finds out that I’m a sociopath, they always think I’m a serial killer. They obviously aren’t very bright. I am a violent person, naturally, but I’m proud to say I’ve never gutted another human and worn their skin. Let’s just say I plot. I don’t act out on those plot, but I’m sure they would succeed.
Lately, I’ve lost a lot of things. I lost money from my bank account. I got a B on a test. I wouldn’t care about my idiotic professor’s opinion if it didn’t make a difference on my record. He gave me a fucking B. It deserved an A.
And […]
This is my second post. today hadn’t been that good. I’ve been floating in and out of sadness and depression. I’ve begun considering going to see a psychiatrist for my problems; hopefully they’ll be able to answer some of my questions because… I don’t understand this…
Each night I go to sleep, hoping I won’t wake up. During the night I wake and watch the shadows drift around me and beg God to never let it end, to just let those shadows stay forever and take me away into the darkness. Then when the sun rises I’m still breathing and I curse my own being. Getting […]
This is the first time I’ve ever publically posted/said that I am in as much pain as I am. I’ve hidden it for years, even when I was a young teen. When I was little I thought everybody had bad days like mine: times when the world looked grey, when even speaking was difficult, when my soul felt sucked from me. I’m too afraid to truly come out and tell anyone around me how I really feel. They’ll all just say “Just put on a smile and look on the bright side” or “It’ll be okay, just buck up”. Can’t anyone see that I can’t […]
I read that when you have an orgasm that it is impossible for you to feel any pain, i had this idea that the moment you reach orgasm would be a good time to stab yourself through the heart or jump by hanging, when i cum it lasts for well over 1 minute which might be ideal for the athame through the flames..
I read this scientific study of what happens to the human brain when a person is having an orgasm & in the brain scan the studies showed that the […]
I feel as if i paint my smiles on.. I don’t think I’ve ever went through so much pain in a month.. You said you felt bad that you did it because it was a week after my great grandmother died? That was my first funeral.. You were there.. Holding me.. Kissing me.. Then bam it all went down hill.. Why? You put me through hell, i fought for us and you did nothing! You told me to shut the fuck up when you knew i was right… Why do I still have to feel this pain? I don’t want it anymore.. Then you’d continue […]
Well, I don’t know how to exactly go about this. I’ve never told exactly what happened to me to a lot of people….but I guess I can start now. This may be long to some people and for that, I am sorry. If you don’t want a sad story about a dying girl, I would move on. Well….here we go.
I was raised in a small town in the midwest. I’ve gone to the same schools my whole life. My life was good. Everyone’s is for awhile. Then, something changed. 6th grade changed everything.
I had always been bullied. By a girl here and there, a boy […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Every day I wake up thinking that this day will better than the last, but it doesn’t work that way. Every day is the same crap. Hoping that someone will hire me, but it doesn’t work like that in today’s world. You have to wait and wait and wait hoping for someone to hire when you know they won’t. I have always wondered why interviewers want a hand shake after an interview. They always say they will give a call when they really don’t. To me right there, that is backstabbing. They always act so happy to see you, but never call if you have […]
I want to die at my 15th birthday….it will be soon in 15 august,I decided it because I can’t live anymore….pain seems endless.like I don’t deserve happiness…Like I live only for pain…,maybe my heart is beating but I’m already dead inside..everything seems like hell!I don’t wanna feel this ….I just want to sleep FOREVER!
Pretty sure I’ll be doing it within a month. I’ve decided on a hanging, I’ve looked into the subject a lot and the best options are expensive, and the other options can leave you pretty messed up. Hanging can too of course but has a higher success rate and is cheap to do. I knew a guy who tried shooting himself in the hospital during a previous attempt so even guns aren’t a guarantee but nothing is really. I don’t really expect anyone to read this, I notice most posts on here don’t have comments, so either no one reads or no one cares. That’s […]
Just recently I’ve had these thoughts I’ve felt so empty insistent no one can help me is what I feel I have been through hell and back In my life when I was little I was abused in more ways than one by my biological father and then ever since I’ve gotten older I’ve been made fun of for everything about me I just recently found out my papa has lung cancer and every one in my family hates the one I truly love I am always being bitched at for.things I shouldn’t get yelled at for I take care of a kid that’s not […]
i see nothing at all, no happines
When i tried to commit suicide i was serious about it. I locked my door turned my music on loud and ignored the knocks. Well i laid down my tools of trade, a bottle of vodka, to hide my shame, a razor at the wrist nothing would be missed. I.. I took a drink then grabbed my razor as i sat over a towel and just cut my thighs to hell i could barely walk after.. I called my […]
I can’t take the emotional pain anymore. I’ve tried so many different anti-depressants. Do I need ECT? I just want some ******** to leave this world peacefully. I’m never going to accept my sexuality. I have unwanted same-sex attraction and at the same time want a family life. I’m 42 and time is running out. What’s the point of all this? Please god intervene, save this soul from hell and let me die peacefully. Psychiatrists, psychologists, support groups, friends, family, exercise, tried everything but I’m constantly thinking about suicide. Yes, I have some things going on in my life which I appreciate, BUT THE LONELINESS […]
I’m over 50, unemployed and very likely to remain so despite a good college degree and lots of experience. Â In November, my unemployment runs out so I shall be reduced to 400 euros a month – nobody can live on that.
My plan is to rent a chalet on a camping site – in October when it’s not too warm – and burn two hibachi barbecues inside. Â I was planning to do it in my camper, but I want to leave that to my sister and she wouldn’t want it if I’d died in it. Â Plus, I can leave the cat there as it is her […]
Why?
Why can’t I face my problems?
Why must I always hide?
Why must I always lose trac of my effort? dammit why?
No matter what it is, no matter what I do, no matter what I was thinking barely seconds before, why must I always deviate from what I’m doing???
Whether studies, sports or whatever the hell I actually do nowadays, I just don’t seem to care, I just let myself surf the flow of the waves of thought instead of maintaining my course.
And, when I realise it, its always too late, relationships always destroyed, failing grades, competitions lost.
Every-fucking-one of my teachers or guardians or bosses are angry at […]
I sat there on the side of slop. The summer wheat swayed in the wind as I watched the sunset. I relaized that the world is full of beauty and I am nothing. I hung my head and realized, no one really listens, no one gets it. This hurt inside me is so deep, so painful, so incredibly numbing, that it goes on the lingering for suicide anymore. I simply don’t care anymore. I don’t care if I live, I don’t care if I die. I simply perform like an actor. If the program calls for laughter I laugh, if it calls for sadness I […]
I don’t know how to make decisions. Even small decisions baffle me so how am I supposed to make decisions regarding suicide (do I really do it? how? when?). How do you make crucial decisions when you cannot foresee the future? Let’s say my future is going to be three more years. I have a wasting condition so those will certainly be suffering years. However, I could commit to grit my teeth and bear it because I know my suffering will be done in three years. That will save my family from the pain of losing me by suicide. That way I won’t have to […]