oh my god. i cant change the past. i wish i could. i can only keep trying to make now and the future better. i wish i could change the past. i dont know what to do. oh my god. are you kidding me?! i dont know what to do. there has to be something i can do. why does he always have to assume hes correct?! why cant he understand he is wrong sometimes?! oh my god. i dont know what to do.
i really do want to die because i know as long as im alive this is going to eat at me. […]
Tag:
Hell
i’m going to die if i keep trying to prove to him that he’s wrong. or im going to die sitting here knowing hes wrong about this and all of the other things hes wrong about. he doesn’t understand that even though he’s been right about some things, that doesn’t mean he is always right. he thinks im a cookie cutter of somebody else, or another story, or things he’s read, etc. im not, i’m my own person. i dont know what to do. im going to die sitting here. this is why all i want to do is sleep. i love him more than […]
It’s dark in here,
I can’t always find the switch or the air to breathe.
My days turn into the hell,
My nights are the blissful peace,
Because it’s the only place where I may really do it this time.
I put those awful pills in my mouth again, the taste was sweet serenity,
I lay back with a razor close to my hand,
I look at those cuts, I hear my heart beat ….
Slowly and surely I hope it’ll work this time.
My note is left on the back of my door,
Please don’t suffer over my longing to be gone,
Be gone from this world, cause it’s no longer a world at all.
The […]
I’m no longer myself anymore. I’ve morphed into something so beautiful, yet so fragile. Like a butterfly. I started off as a small egg. Then I was hatched, brought into a world where there were larger things than I. Things that were sure to destroy me. I was pummeled and shown horrors no little caterpillar should. All the while I spent my time absorbing and eating up the words that were viciously thrown at me. I chose to listen. I guess eventually the little caterpillar me had had enough,so I formed walls around me. I was to stay there forever. Safe, and warm, and perfectly […]
So wait is every suicidal person a mopey 14 who’s still a virgin what the hell is so wrong with the damned world that children want to die really what in fucks name is going on with the world.
that would be so nice, i’m just so tired of being bored and stressed, i have friends and stuff i just don’t like the ups and downs of living. i’m actually thinking about doing it, i’m not religious, so im not worried about hell or anything, i just really hope its like sleeping forever.that would be so nice
everyone at school hates me. i have no friends and they all think im weird. im constantly called a whore and a slut but ive never even had sex. the only thing keeping me here for this long is my boyfriend, but he likes another girl so hes basically cheating on me! i knew someone so perfect could never love me. my parents fight 24/7 so its not like i have anyone that cares for me. y live in hell when i can be happy? im so done everyone hates me, including me.i hate everything and everyone and they hate me right back. the only […]
I feel like my entire life has just been one mistake after another. I’m fat, I have awful grades in school, I hurt my spine trying to lift weights to get less fat, I can’t do manual labor, it looks like I might not get my high school diploma.
I’m just so tired. So, so tired. I’m so tired of making mistakes and being a waste of space. I can’t work to help pay for college because of my spine. I hurt my spine trying to get less fat. I’m fat period. I’m so lazy I can’t even get good grades in school because I never do my […]
I’m 13 years old. I would tell you my name, but being new here, I don’t know if I can trust you all to that extent yet. Normally, I post poems that reflect how I feel at the moment, or how I felt throughout the day, but right now I’d like to get a few things off my chest. I’ve told a few of my friends some of this before, but no one knows all of it at its worst. I feel as though I can trust all of you with at least this, even if I don’t know you. So here it goes.
My story:
Let me live again
Let me dream of how things were
Let life be my grass I walk on
Looking for a place to stay free
(You still did this to me)
Let me be the only thing I dream big dreams for
Let my heart grow strong against love
Where you could never last past the moment
That many men crushed me daily
(You were everything to me)
Ugh, let my hands gently lift my hair
Slowly pulling it back revealing my eye
Black and blue among other colors that leak through
But for some odd reason
I just can’t let go
(There’s never been happiness,
Nor real love […]
stop cutting
that’s what needs to happen
that’s what i need to do.
but the problem isn’t knowing that
i know it all right
i know perfectly fine that’s what i have to do
it’s just i’m not strong
never have been strong.
i’m not strong enough to stop
because i need the pain so much
i need the anchor to the earth
so much
that i can’t give it up now.
i don’t know if i would call this an
addiction
but maybe that’s what it is.
idk.
how should i know?
why should i know?
and sometimes i just want to be
gone
wiped out of existing forever because you know my existence is
pointless anyways.
i am so […]
Haven’t been on this site for awhile. I was hoping not to come back, but I guess it was unavoidable.
I have a wife, a kid, a car, a mortgage. My wife has dreams. Wife makes twice as much as I do, and I am constantly between jobs. I have no dreams or hopes. I am trying really hard to hold on to my sanity and my job (as both a father and employee) but it is not working anymore and I am tired. I want to get the hell out of here.
I know very well that if I kill myself or divorce, I will destroy […]
My life is a miserable hell. Â I should have been dead like 5 years ago when my life was over. Â My survival instinct pisses me off. Â Why is it so hard to kill yourself?
i came to SP for closure, for understanding and to see other peoples hell and see what they are going through, but i have realised. people with depression should not congregate to one site. it just seems to be making the depression worse. with so many peoples opinions being viewed it makes you realise things you didn’t want to ever think about, it makes you even sadder and lonely. i myself am normally a fan of brutal honesty, i even invite it. but this site, i just don’t know if it is doing good? or making it worse?
I apologise for following such beautiful song lyrics from The Hunger Games with such a negative post.. but I feel this encapsulates the way I’m feeling exactly.
Let me take you on a journey. 19 years ago, my Mother began to emotionally and sometimes physically abuse me over the course of my life. In my eyes, I never had a Mother. I never grew up being nurtured and receiving that maternal, unconditional love. 4 years ago, my Mother physically ‘bashed me up’, in need of a better statement. I left her immediately, I left my little siblings, my friends, comfort, my school, I left EVERYTHING that […]
Hi all, i tried the helium exit bag method last night after finally two weeks of being terrified of doing it and not being able to, anyway it didnt work obviously (either that or im now in some kind of terrible coma)
i brought two party balloon sets from Amazon both with enough to fill 50 balloons i also made a exit bag from following some youtube videos so thought it was going to work,
I put on two music albums an hour long each, so that i would have something playing in the background so that i didnt panic too much when i was going to start,
I empted the bag of air turned […]
Sometimes all we really want to do is shut out the world. Crawl into our bed, pull the blankets over our heads, and blast some depressing songs. I can completely relate to this. My parents say that i need to get out more and i need to come out of my room more frequently but my room is my sanctuary. It’s where i feel the safest. My blades, my “Torture Toys”, my laptop, my phone.. these are all in my room.
My boyfriend used to wonder why i dont talk much or why i look sad all the time. he didnt understand that i had just […]
Why did he ask me for a kiss? Why did he have to tell me he loved me? How come my heart told me over and over again he meant it? I felt like I was floating even though he was wrapping his arms around me, telling me to never go. His laugh made me smile. His touch was felt everywhere and the way he kissed me tugged on my heart. Why did he have to fill my head with all these lies? Why couldn’t he just tell me he wanted one thing? It would have been easier. Why did he make me feel higher […]
Here is my rant.. Best night of my life.. not.. you want to sit there and lie to me about who your with and what your doing? And you think i should of had respect for her? Uhmm no, what girl goes around with a guy who she KNOWS has a fucking girlfriend?.. I should of beat her ass. I don’t give a fuck anymore. Then we figure it all out and you turn back around and go to her house. HELL NO! I’m not playing anymore. I’m done.. I don’t want to be here.. I’m tired of the lieing of tonight..
It is sad, when you think for just a little why, that she will be different. Everyone is all the same,though.
I have been hurt, and betrayed, and let down countless times.
I hate fucking life. I had a gun in my mouth last week, but I kept thinking, what if i go to hell, or the place after is worse. But i am in hell. This world is full of nothing good, just evil and ugly things. Would be good if we all died. Fuck happiness, fuck love. It means nothing to anyone. Love, it is a fucking word people use on a whim. […]