so yeah, its been one long time since ive been on here but yeah, imm still kicking… barely. within the time spent from my previous posts my life has hit an all time low, my recent fuck up has left me with not a single friend honestly, and im not just saying that i have 6 contacts in my phone all of which are family nobody has the ever so slightest inclination to talk to me ive failed two suicide attempts and no longer have the drive to continue whatsoever. i am being bullied so bad i cant put it into words and yet […]
I had something to say, something clever and witty. Now I can’t even remember what it was. Like I’m losing track of my own mind. I’m good at my job, I think. But today, I couldn’t remember how to do even the basic stuff. And I really want to hit the voice in my head, even though that wouldn’t work, and it’s a stupid idea.
Something intense happened last night. While driving on the highway, I nearly hit a girl staring blankly into traffic on the border of the shoulder and my lane. I called the authorities, exited and swung around on the service road. I got out, ruined my new shoes on the muddy embankment :P, and went up to her on the highway. She was crying, distraught, and talking about how a friend just died. I slowly climbed over the guardrail (looking back, I probably shouldn’t have done that, kinda dangerous) and told her I would love to listen to whats going on, but its so noisy. I […]
“Success Is failure turn upside down
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when It seems afar
So stick to the fight with you’re hardest hit
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit”
My best friend since child hood was hit by a bus five years ago while he was roller skating the image is still with me today. He wasn’t just my best friend he also taught me love has no gender, no age, no color and now hes gone. I feel guilty that he died because I was going through a phase that I was just being a shut in and not talking with people I feel like if I just called him earlier that day he would still be with me hopefully that’s what I tell myself and its what I think and what I […]
Hi Guys,
How are you? How’s your life? How is your day? Don’t forget to comment down below how you are! I do want to know!
NOTE: Really sorry for this being a long post… I didn’t really try to… Writing is the only way I can get my feelings out.
How am I? Does it even matter how I am? Does it matter? Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn’t. How am I? Physically? Sore. Bruised. Hurt. Scarred. Mentally? Broken. In Pain. Hurt. Scared.
My physical state… I keep getting headaches… Waking up this morning I hit my head on my wall and it hurt like crazy, but […]
Alright everyone. I’ve hit writers block in my book and I don’t know who else to turn to other that you guys 🙂 If I can get ANY help from ANYONE, I’d love and greatly appreciate it!!!
I’ve never felt less loved. I’ve entered another phase of wanting a violent suicide to spite all the people that didn’t care enough. I can’t decide whether I hate me or everyone else more. 1 year no girlfriend,no sex, nothing. 3 strikes in the dating game. Since the last ex cheated on me. Why bother anymore. I’m a biting dog now. Nobody wants to pet a biting dog. It’s not my fault I got here. No dog just turns into a biting dog. You have to beat it again and again before that happens. I have never seen a dog that didn’t just […]
been trying to hold this in for 9 hours … but my muscles hurt from my face to my feet from trying to disguise my body language and my brain hurts… i can logically divulge that things are moving in a good direction for me, soooo this makes no sense that i feel so bad. gawd what a damn struggle!!! its so exhausting to push myself through this day so far! i cant even… there are awful things happening to other people, not me, not anyone that i personally know…… why the fuck am i going through this?!? im satisfied helping out where im […]
They were siting on my friend audry and me and im the one in the black jacked with stripes shes the one crying xD
I went out of my house for a change, to hang out with some of my old friends. I rarely do this now since i tend to lock myself in my room, when im not inclined to go to school.
I hung out with 15 of my friends and we watched “end of the world movies” since that was the theme of the party. I was cuddling with my gay friend […]
I attempted suicide last night again.. but as you can tell i didnt succede. I took a handful of prenatal vitaims but just ended up heaving my guts out along with some blood. My dad and i got in a huge fight, cause i hung up on him in the morning while running for the bus.
It got worse when he planned TWO doctor appointments in the middle of my end of course test. I was pissed so i sent him a angry text in all caps. Then when i got home i went to a friends to install a game onto my computer and we […]
All my life ive been used, abused& hurt. Ive been treated like i dont mean anything. Its been like that since i can remember. When i was in my moms stomach she would drink and do drugs and still smoke. She didnt care. Shes never cared. She cheated on my dad all the time and treated him like nothing. She would leave and stay gone for short periods of time. She lost her good job for the state because shed rather go outand drink. When i was a baby and my little sister was a newborn my mom decided to kidnap us. Yes aparent can […]
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