I’ve recently found the courage to talk to someone about me. But now I’ve lost contact with him. He made me feel better. Now I feel like crap all over again.
It’s hard to find someone who understands and doesn’t judge. I guess that’s why I’ve joined SP. I need someone who understands.
Tag:
I guess
I have been on this site for a very long time, decided I might finally post something. I guess just to say hi
Suicide, can it ever leave my thoughts? Death and life go hand in hand. The only certainties I can count on. This life just seems more like death…and death more like the life I want, numb, unmoving, still, silent. Beautiful Nothingness. Keaton Henson-I’m going down this ship, and I most likely will drown, but it’s worth it, it’s worth it. I’m 19 now, been thinking of this ever since I can remember. I don’t fit here, I don’t belong in this world. I am in unrecognizable pain, hiding behind a facade. I didn’t feel anything. Is this real. Is this what I hoped for. My […]
Hello everyone. I am new to this site. I wanted to share my views on suicide, as I feel very uncomfortable discussing this kind of thing with people I know in real life. I don’t want them to worry about me. I also don’t want them to try preventing anything that might prevent me from doing the ultimate deed. I felt I needed to at least share some of my views with others, so here I am now.
I guess I should tell a bit about myself. I am a 23-year old male nihilist, that is someone who believes there to be no inherent objective value […]
I’m almost 17 now. Yay for me, I guess. The only thing I can possibly feel proud about is the fact that I’ve made it this far, because honestly I didn’t think I would reach 17. Or maybe I did, but I didn’t want to; I’m too coward to let go off everything.
Hooray for another year in which I accomplished absolutely nothing worthy.
Hooray for another year of constant failures and hollow feelings.
Hooray for another year in which I lost more people whom I loved.
Hooray for me…
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Sorry for bothering whoever a out there but idk. Just wanna share my story I guess. I’m clinically diagnosed with very very bad depression and anxiety, ptsd, OCD, adhd, and dyslexia… I have 4 attempts. All failed of course. I mean I’m still here obviously. But like.. I’m gay. At school I get called so many names… My gf (ex now) spreads rumors that I tried to sleep with her and that I’ve slept with many girls and guys (I’m a virgin). And my life is basically a living nightmare… And I’m not sure I can go on anymore.
I hate my relationship I guess. I would not call it that. but being around him makes me hate my life. he wont leave. He lives with me because other wise he would be homeless. I cannot get a piece of mind. When I was homeless I still had to support him even though he was an ungrateful ass. I just want him gone I do not know what to do I feel like an emptied out shell. I want to die. I feel trapped in my own home. I have four jobs just so I do not have to be here with him. I […]
So I haven’t posted in a while. My auntie took me to a theme park with her and my nephew. It was good to be away from everyone and spend time with them as I don’t see them much, but I’m home now and I hate it.
Its seems as though a guy is interested in me?? Not completely sure how this is happening. Its probably just some sick joke or something but I’m enjoying it while it lasts I guess.
Its my Nana’s birthday today.. She passed in may. I miss her so much. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about her. I […]
…is all I feel now. Which is ironic really seeing as its pretty much “feeling’ nothing at all.
I Have been depressed for many years, and suicidal through periods of this time. However I now feel so close its almost like I’m not even in control anymore.
I was in a car accident last week (not a deliberate action might I add..) but all I could think of when I moved my car to a safer place by the side of the road was “I wish I’d died”. There had been an accident right before ours so there were ambulance and police there already who saw the […]
please just encourage me to do it because you can’t stop me. Just tell me why I will be better I guess. I don’t need your sympathy, I just need encouragement to do it. Please, thanks. I’m going to do it today.
I’m beginning to lose my voice; not through a health condition or illness but because everything I say is meaningless…no one listens and I know deep down I’m not worth the time. I’m not funny and I say idiotic things, you’re suppose ignore stupidity right? I guess it makes sense now. I’ve been feeling like this hole in my chest getting deeper and deeper and I know it’ll eventually eat right through me till I’m completely erased. And to be honest, it relieves me. Maybe someday soon I’ll actually work up the courage to finally do it. It just gets so lonely.
It hasn’t […]
This just came to mind again. The other day, my mom contacted me again. It’s been a long time. I guess she only contacts me to tell me her woes. Several months ago was the first time she contacted me in over a year, since my grandma died. Then, she only wanted to tell me her husband died too and her last German Shepherd had to be put down. Then silence. Then out of nowhere, a few texts at 4am the other day, to tell me her last dog (that I knew) has cancer, and then to tell me she recently adopted 2 other adult […]
I’m just going to go thanks I guess. I’m sorry
Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality
by KH
written by KH
i liked this quote. I like Edgar Allen Poe. So here it is. It has no reference in particular; I just read some of his work today and it stuck in my mind.
it’s been months since my last post on here – good news I guess. But now I’m back – bad new now, I guess. Everything’s been okay-ish. I was recently re-admitted to hospital for abdominal pains, had another operation and I’m out again, for now anyways. Now, surely, when you’re in hospital, your ‘other half’ shall we say should want to see you, correct? Or at least want to talk to you, if […]
Please don’t lead me on by saying I’m a nice girl. Please don’t lead me on by texting me for ten hours straight then not texting me for two weeks. Please don’t act like we had something. Because we obviously didn’t. I tried to be the one for you- and yet you left. Just like they all do. I thought you were different. Now I sit on my bed in my room with my knife in my hand, and I had thought I was different to. My friends told me you were the super shy, sweet guy who just had a horrible break up. I’ve […]
so I met someone about a month ago and since then we’ve met and hung out a few times and talked consistently. All is well, and I don’t care if it doesn’t escalate. I’m happy being friends.
However, I feel like I’ve worn out my welcome. Conversations have become shorter and less frequent. Less uhh, ‘lovey dovey’ style. No more emojis or flirtatious conversations. Talking in general has almost come to a complete halt.
And by all means, it’s fine. Her life is not mine to keep. But still, it sucks gradually drifting especially with all the effort I try and put in.
I guess what I have […]
I just got to writing a good steam of conciousness for a change, about how no one listens to me. Long story short, everyone else is always telling their stories about their life and no one is willing to listen to mine. Even the people closest to me who see me the most don’t listen, so how can I ever matter in this world? I don’t, and I can’t. Anyway, I guess this will be the book to look for when I’m gone. I bought it at least a few months ago but haven’t kept up with writing in it. It was my intention to […]
I’m a selfish person for thinking about killing myself is what I keep hearing from family. I have a special sensitivity and I see the world and people and I see their hearts, all of their bitterness, coldness, ambition: the same things I see in myself sometimes. I don’t belong here. Maybe afterlife will bring me to where God is, a heaven better than this place. I’m here because I’m guilt tripped into staying here by my family. I don’t find happiness in earthly things and I certainly don’t like being judged constantly. I just want to BE. Can that place be found here? I […]
There’s a silence in the room,
I don’t speak quite like you do.
You got my fingers crossed,
But I’ll catch myself and I’ll wish you off.
And I never thought the words you’d cast would hurt so much.
For that, well I won’t look back.
And I never thought the one you trust would stab your back,
I guess it’s not so bad.
There’s a window in my room,
I can’t see clear like you do.
I won’t move my mouth and I’ll stand up straight just to push you out.
So I can see your insides out,
And figure you out.
And I never thought […]