I have been in such a deep depression for the past two years that i have relapsed on cutting and it got to the point where every other day i was thinking of different ways to kill myself. Finally one night it got so bad that i knew i would do something drastic if i didnt get help so i texted my friend that i live with. She was in the kitchen partying with her friends and i tried for an hour and a half to get her to come help because i couldn’t get the courage up to go out there. She wasn’t answering […]
my brother… he needs help. He attacked me and i accidentally cut him with a plate that i was holding in my hand. im scared and shaking and really hurt how he could do that to me. now he is justifying himself to my mom. “defending himself”… thats not how it happened he knows that or maybe he really is crazy. i need to leave this house for a breather
On april 15 i was on fb and my friend messaged me. “Before i take this bottle i want you to know i have always loved you. You were a good friend i hope you do well”
half skimming the message i wrote ” its been awhile we should hang out tommorrow and catch up on things and yor a good friend also” i had to log off cause the library was closing. The next day a friend called and told me that sheena had killed herself lastnight. My heart stopped and i didnt know what to say… Life blows and thats just the way it […]
Suicide had become so tough now a days.
In future we may come to situation where it is almost impossible for an average person to suicide successfully.
my dad and i got in a fight last night about my Spanish grade. i told him keeping my grades up is hard because i get stressed. he yelled at me for having a low tolerance for stress. he said to me back when i was a kid i can handle all you go through and more. but he never had to go through what i do. feeling worthless and stressed all the time, being picked on for being different, getting yelled at every night by a drunken asshole because he wants me to feel bad about myself. i used to like myself when i […]
i hope no one would judge me here .
i am just a teen ., 15-16 ..but i have done horrible things . i had round about 6-7 ex boyfriends & more reltns in which i stayed with just 2-3 days but all these relationships were on fb or phn , no physical contact , i was a kid and i was immature and i hate myslf for wt i had done , i regret it evry single day , i feel so sad that i can’t face myslf . i was immature , but my reputation now is totally ruined , beside my exs […]
today was weird i look around me at all the people that are happy and wonder what is so wrong with me that i cant be like that. my friend came out as gay and nobody made fun of him, and yet i get made fun of all the time for no reason. i wish i was normal…
I guess, since this is my first post on here, I should tell you all my story.
at age 9 I was oblivious. I was overweight, friendless, but still happy.
at age 10 I started to worry. I was fat as hell, still friendless, but just slightly less than happy.
at age 11 I knew I was a goner. still fat and friendless and I didn’t know what to do about it. I wasn’t happy anymore.
at age 12 I had my first ED thought. I had one friend, and she was my goal. 80 pounds and beautiful. I thought that maybe, just maybe, by losing weight my everlasting […]
there was this huge fight over facebook about 7 months ago between a lot of people and me, and i was getting told to go kill myself and today i just went back and looked at the fight and started crying. I hate how people can be so mean to me. its like, what have i ever done to you?
anyway, im not really posting because my laptop crapped out and its not working so im using my dads until i get a new one.
i might not go back on this site anymore because i dont really now what to do with it. I’ll end up […]
Do you ever get the angry side of being suicidal ? i was just surrounded by people telling me that i’m perfectly fine and theres nothing wrong, the same people who spoon feed me the pills that are designed to basically make you humble in your intolerable situations, and they laugh and poke you as if waiting for a punchline in some massive bloody joke.
my mind instantly went to that place, which most of us probably call home, and i thought.
if i’m willing to end my own life in the most brutal of ways
then what’s stopping me from massacring my current tormentors ?
its a little […]
okay, still i dont see the big fucking deal with me posting a pic on here when i see others doing it too. but il try to explain myself in much better detail so you can fuckin understand.
lets see, i was bullied all my life about how i look. i was always told to kill myself. told i was to fat to ugly. not good enough. i was verbally abused by my parents for years. telling me i couldnt eat. id just get fatter. this drove me insane. by 7th grade i stopped eating, my parents were pissed that i chose not so i […]
this is me. ive changed so much learned so much. been through so much. ive tried more suicide attempts than i can actually count. everyone goes through shit. everyone feels like theres nothing left in life. but thats okay. everyone is stronger than they think. and thats why ive been on this site for 2 years, come so close to death a few times. but maybe im still here for a reason? were still here for a reason. sadly, life’s complications push you down, […]
a memory so long ago
possibly the earliest sign of trouble
i was in junior baseball leagueÂ
played left field
a large pickup drove into the park
it swerved left and right
everyone ran with their kid/friend – i didn’t
i stared blankly almost longinglyÂ
it could run me over – Â so what
if i was wanted then  somebody would save me
Its wierd i was fine this morning then now this afternoon i feel totally depressed very minor thoughts of suicide and how much easier it would be if i didnt have to worry about anything anymore.
the thing that makes me the most depressed it that i have nothing going, im 22 and i have nothing going for me no career started no plans and no matter what i try to do i fail at it, i tried to take me EMR which is my Emergency Medical Responder so i could work on the Oil rigs as a medic, but i failed the mid term as […]
I’m just tired.
I’m just sad.
I’m just angry.
Today at school, some Christian told me i wasn’t going to heaven. Just because i don’t believe in Jesus. I do believe in God, though. But she doesn’t seem to understand that. Then after that, a friend of mine told me she had gone to the guidance office with one of my other friends. Extremely concerned on what happened, i asked why. They told me, it was for me. Some “preps” were talking about me behind my back, during gym today. They were saying that me and my girlfriend weren’t really in love, that we were […]
i have become bored.i have become depressed again.there are times where i think if i get drunk or high it will go away but then it all goes away and once again i feel the pain.if you have ever did what i did to your family you know its hurts.i use to think my mom didtn care or love me.i alway thought she hated me and that i was a mistake.i honestly dont know what the hell i was thinking.when my mom found me and ishe looked at my right arms she couldnt believe her eyes.she saw 32 fresh cuts and didnt know why i […]
I havent posted in a few weeks but thats because i was getting better i made plans and i was supposed to be going to my friends 21st tomorrow but then tuesday we argued because i asked her why she hadnt replied turns out her friend was in hospital and she told me to fuck off ive sent her over 300 messages and she hasnt replied she wont even read them which hurts so much more shes one of the last 2 people in my life i care about now theres only one and she hasnt been replying either so im alone i have no […]
Just a few minutea ago i had a big fight with my mom, one of the most biggest fights we ever had, this was the second time that in a fight, i do selfharm, i feel it is a way to calm a little, i don’t want to, i was trying to let it behind, but i’m too weak, too stupid to get over it.
we need a base. we seek for a base. we invent it; we call it self. the thing on which you can stand your desires, the thing which you think you own and can call yours, the thing using which you can rationalize your arguments (and others seem to acknowledge them, for they also need it). indeed you can suffer for this self, just for the sake of owning it. which came first – self or desire? ‘Thought, with an end in view, creates the thinker’ – J. Krishnamurti. anyways. once i had a self, non-reflecting type. it was the one given by society. then something happened. […]