I can’t help myself. I’m just a bad masochist gay person. I want to die… Everything is pain … I have a sick thoughts. I remeber the days when i was trying to chase my brother just to satisfy him sexualy. And he’s calling me names … Devil and so on etc … I wish and hope that this is just a bad dream or a nightmare …
I just want to sleep … For God’s sake …
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i was
I always thought of changing my life style and everything, before beginning of something big like college, job. I tired my best to fit in to there college lifestyle, I did make a lot of friends i was happy but after few weeks something happened i don’t know what all of a sudden everyone started to think of my as clown, Started picking on me but i didn’t say a word against them and that made things even worse, which made me talk of the town literally as i live in a town. you see the same faces everyday. which gave people the opportunity to talk shit behind my back. I can fell […]
i hate my life, it sucks, everything goes wrong but i guess im skipping a bit too far ahead so here from the start; when i was a little girl my mom and dad split up, he cheated we never spoke they never spoke, growing up he wasent there they never bothered then when i was about 7 he appeared again started wanting to see us we did an had frequent contact this was amazing, i never got along with his wife, i hated her and she had a strong opinion on me, this made it hard to see my dad again , again we […]
i was really depressed almost 2 years ago. i would cry my eyes out every evening, and hope that the next cut would end everything. but that didn’t happen. i called that stage “sick” so if i talk about the times i was depressed, i would say:”when i was sick”. so a couple of weeks ago it was a casual morning, when this girl that used to be my best friend but now we both hate each other, came up to me and started yelling. than in class my teacher made me feel like shit, and worthless. i just kept my mouth shut. i actually […]
i didn’t want to wake up. i was having a much better time asleep. and that’s really sad. it was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you’re so relieved. i woke up into a nightmare.
Brief History: I am a 24 year old male. I have had Major Depressive Disorder since a very young age. I began to have suicidal thoughts around the age of eight years old. At first it scarred me because my life seemed to be perfect. I was adopted into a loving caring wealthily family who supported me in every way. as time went on I saw numerous therapists, and continued to go to school. I was miserable but still had some hope that it would turn around. I had friends and was playing varsity sports and seemed on the outside to be fine. even made […]
my whole life hasnt been easy it started when I was 2 my dad hung himself in his office at work I dont remember him except this one time we wer watching racing on tv i was on his lap thats all I remember of him then at age 6 my sisters boyfriend touched me I was too young to understand what happened but when he was caught doing it to another kid he was arrested police asked me but I was too scared,of what people would think of me he went to prison for 2 years then at age 8 we moved from my […]
when that feeling of when your 14 years old and your mother speaks about you to everyone but in the most hatered way as if shes helping saying that it would be better if i was back in care well ya know what mother why the fuck did you allow me back in your house when you know im different then the others in our family when i need your support but you just tell your friends and family im incampable of even looking after my self, so what i have a boyfriend and i dont wanna stay on this shitty holiday because your always […]
fucking crappy ass friends i have. so this is how it is i decided to bring to of my friends to this band cncert thing cause i wanted to spend time with them. My other friend who is my ex, so is the one i was taking, want to go along so i said ok so i was going to buy another one. when i told them they were like if hes going then im not. i got so pissed that i said something i regreted i said fine i dont need you guys for anything anyways. this part i regret but this part i […]
I just want to say that I love you all. As a community of fucked up people, social outcasts, great minds, the cold and lonely and unlucky people
written by RogueShadow1281
I love you all. Been on here since i was 15. And on that fateful day I chose to look up suicide methods. I ignored the website that talked about help and such and came here. I found people who were interesting and like me. Although my problems were faint in comparison, it still meant people who were relating and also helpful in my time of need.
I thank you all for your support and to the admins even when i was a shitbag troll. I’m sorry for that. I love you all, as my great friends in a suicidal community. Talk to me on kik […]
I’m leaving not for a few days im leaving forever i can’t handle this obviously i was a mistake if i can’t feel happiness by the time you have read this im dead no takebacks i know but life would be so much easier without me bye world if your my friend and your reading this please don’t get upset don’t waste your tears over someone like me personally i don’t want to die but it’s the only way for me to remain happy it’s like my life is frozen in this one dark spot that i can’t get out of im only 11 […]
Sigh. I had some clarity! But now..
I just wrote a long post about my life this past month and why i think i have been having so many jumbled thoughts lately. How absurd life really is and got into whether my life seems confusing because of my racing brain or if my brain is racing because of the events this month.
But of course it all deleted itself before i was done. Grrr. Mushu
Life sometimes, i mean what are the odds? It’s like there is some invisible line on my “life worth chart”..or something. And every time my life value goes above it. […]
wow, i just stumbled upon this site… amazing… i’ve struggled with suicide since i was a child. i’m 23 now. and i’ve been planning to finally succeed this weekend. just getting things in order, getting my paycheck on friday so i can buy what i need. i thought i was a freak of nature, a psycho, and now i know i’m not alone…
i feel so awful for the pain i know i will cause my family and loved ones, but i literally cannot bear this anymore. i live in torment, i have no reason to be unhappy, my life has not been unpleasant and i […]
i just want to go.
people wont miss me.
the one person i thought
that would miss me
well i just discovered that
in the end they wont miss me
theyll move on
i just want to leave
im numb but in
so much pain
all at the same time
its weird because
i cant feel happiness
i dont remember
how to be happy
what it feels like to
be happy
all i know how to
feel is sad, pained,
and lonely
oh and ignored.
i guess i was right
this world is better off
without me.
isn’t it?
yes it is.
There was this NICE and sweet female i used to know, back when i was in my early twenties, that COMMITTED SUICIDE!
Gosh! I was truly devastated when i was told that she had decided to hang herself in the bathroom of their house!
I hadn’t known her for very long but we had become close over time, due to the mere fact that we both felt some sense of EMOTIONAL CONNECTION towards each other!( NOT sexual because am a straight female)!
I think it was also the fact that we were in the same youth group at the time (back when i was RELIGIOUS and believed in […]
i’ve been suicidal for a long time now, and i was gonna kill myself. before i could, my uncle unknowingly stopped me by giving me a dog. at first i was gonna tell him no i couldn’t take care of her. before i could tell him no he told me about her. her name is tricksy she is a little rat terrier mix. she is a rescue i took her from a couple that kept her in a cage for the first year of her life. they beat, neglected and yield at her for nothing. they never took her out of her cage, not even […]
Last night, i worked 12 hour so i’ll be making $82 from that. sounds like a lot right, not really. Tomorrow i got to work again from 2pm to 8pm thankfully and i’ll probably be working by myself. Â there is this woman at my work, and she’s a supervisor, manager or something but basically she’s my boss and she’s definitely bossy but it’s sexy, you know? is it just me or does anyone else find bossy women sexy? she was giving me attitude and kind of pissed me off but i was turned on then she was talking to someone and stuck her ass out […]
ok lets try this again. mon at 1040 pm just got off line talking with a three four people on plenty of fish pof i feel as though am doing something wrong talking with three different people and to be honest Michelle i dont know what am doing am 38 I dont know how to be friends with a girl I dont know how to date people my age I fumbe threw confersations becuase i dont even now how to hold a conversation more thatn half of my life is a drunkin druggy blurr thats why i feel so intimadated and lost and thats why […]
Starting to wonder if you keep living a life full of suffering and stress if your brain doesnt just shut down on its own because it cant take anymore.  Destroy itself.  Always had memory and concentration problems and sometimes a memory lapse  cuz of my depression problems now i am just really disabled cuz of them.  But i am also in the worse place of my life for the last  couple of years.  I have felt traumatizing pain over and over.  I cant remember one day from the next anymore.  I cant rem if things happened today or yesterday or the day before.  my brain […]
So lately all my friends want me to help them with relationships of their own. I don’t know all the answers sometime and thats what usually makes me feel bad. When i can’t find out how to help i feel bad i cry and just go on a rampage. One of my exs still a very good friend of mine started to tell me to focus on my own relationship. For some reason i never listened but now a days all i try and do is be there for them. But then my so called friends make me feel like crap cause im not helping […]