I… What do i want? What exactly is it that would like to do or pursue? I had the full complete chance of running away, but i stayed. I stayed because i knew what i wanted to seek can be sought anywhere and my running away, in that regard, is a hypocritical move. But now that i’ve stayed, even my seeking seems to have stopped. I couldn’t imagine my life without seeking, and now I’m living it. Or am i? I think deep down i still do crave for seeking. How to get fulfillment? What is it that will fulfill me? There must be something, […]
Tag:
Illusions
Fuck it.
Fuck myself, fuck everything.
I’m in a perpetual emotional tilt. Dazed and confused. Head spinning.
Legs shaking. Feel like smashing stuff.
I would be a calm guy, I would. I am that guy. But have no choice anymore. I’m losing it.
There’s no choice. It all bullshit. Its in me and from the past. Its fatum.
Hey, I believed in peace and justice and all that. But seriously, if I had power, before abolishing this type of financial system, etc, I would FUCKING WHIP everybody first!
Just fucking burn, Just fucking burn.
All nonsense. I have nothing, nothing. Worthy men have died younger than me, so what the fuck? Why do I fucking […]
Been experiencing a fair amount of angst wrt this recently. It’s been seven years since I started, two since I “stopped”, and to be honest I still slip up now and then. I’ve been experiencing the urges. I’m back at my parents’ house for the summer, and though I’ve been mostly recovered for two years there’s still a dearth of sharp objects in the house. I used to compulsively hoard spare blades whenever I felt the urge to cut (in lieu of actually doing it). I literally bought in bulk, stashed paper cutters in every nook and cranny I could think of because they kept […]
does love really exist if so why does it always end and why did they invent the phrase true love because love lost it’s meaning i see old couples that have been together longer then i have been alive but isn’t that just the ability to put up with the other persons b.s. i’m only 16 so i don’t know much about love but i know enough to question it so does love exist or is it an illusion…
It’s the ultimate revenge, the ultimate statement upon this sick, delusional, worthless farce known as humanity. Life is so very overrated. Everything we think we know is bullshit. Everything is a delusion. Dreams. Success. Love. Charity. Compassion. These are all illusions that hide the craving for disease and evil humanity promotes and chases. To end one’s life is the ultimate finger in the face of all these delusional lemmings. To end one’s life is the ultimate statement of awareness. It tells the universe that you see through the lies, see through the bullshit, and no longer want to drink the Kool-Aid anymore. It is only […]
Towards the end when Agent Smith and Neo are battling inside the matrix and it looks like Agent Smith has won the battle, Neo stands up again to him…
Agent Smith: Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you’re fighting for something? For more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Yes? No? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without […]
I bought a rope and there’s a bridge not far from where I live ..
I’ll be waiting for my intuition to tell me it’s time to go through with it
I’m tired of living just because others want and expect me to
I’m tired of living to preserve my relatives precious bubbles .. I’ve almost reached my breaking point
I’ve been trapped (1) in a body and (2) in this world for too long
I’ve lost interest in figuring out what my purpose is (assuming there’s even one)
my presence on here must be an error, I have no choice but to fix it
once I’m dead: no more struggles, […]
Hi,
I`m male, 29. I suffer from Schizophrenia(the doctors say). In general, I fear that people around me is not there voluntarily, like they`re sort of reading of a note, and doing what their told(by force one might say). Which is a big problem when it comes to women. Some things between man and woman are pretty bad when they happen by force(you know what I`m aiming at).
I hear a lot of voices which tense me to the point of wanting to crush my skull against the wall(I sort of get a release by visualizing it, wich is pretty violent imagery, and sort of weird, lol). […]
We are all in the Hunger Games, the only difference is our names and faces
written by Crazypandachick
Sure we may not to be able to access to the weapons, or be forced to go and fight, but that doesn’t change the fact that we do. We viciously attack each other in many shapes and forms. Bullying, rape and assault are just some of the extreme ways that some people use to do this. The figures we look up to are the same. Sure they teach us all their good traits and beliefs and aren’t forcing children to kill each other, but it is like Paul says in the book All Quite on the Western Front; “They were suppose to be the ones […]
Its happening again. can someone help me. I feel that peak, that moment approaching again. but this time the decision has already been made. I wont be brought to that point again and not go through with it. I will ignore any signals this time because those signals will be like the ones from b4- a fake illusions to buy time for right now. Im very sad…very dark…i dont want nothing but a solution as to how to do this quietly and quickly. I want to plan it properly. Start a fight or some reason for me to be gone for a few days, I […]
I don’t want to make new friends nor meet my ‘other half’ .. I don’t want a job .. I don’t want to hang on to the idea this world can be a better place .. I don’t even want happiness .. I don’t want any reason to be tied to this world
All I want is OUT .. Why are we conditioned, encouraged to believe life is -that- valuable? I’m also tired of hearing: suicide is never the answer .. If you were to kill yourself, people who care about you would be crushed, devastated etc
Well, I don’t think I’m that responsible for anyone well-being […]
As a child, I used to idealize the world and humans .. I knew there were people with bad intentions, but my then-gullible-self believed the majority of us were working to make this world a place where one can feel alive most of the time (a better place) .. I used to see light and darkness wouldn’t have me shaken for too long .. I had genuine hope for the future (not that forced hope you’re expected to create)
From adolescence to when I dropped out, illusions had evaporated one after the other .. truth is people are overly concerned with improving their own situation, humans […]
Right now I’m only living because I am alive.To not waste what I consider a magnificent oportunity to discover,feel and enjoy everything that moves your heart.Yet no matter how hard I look,no matter how hard I search,I can’t find the rope to guide me trough the maze.I feel so alone…Everyone around me seem so far away,like I was in a different dimension overlaping his one but I couldn’t be touched.I can’t find what moved my heart anymore.Everyday seem wasted.I think: “If I was going to do nothing again,I should have stayed in bed”…Worthless chatter “It’s finaly geting hot outside!”…”I love the cold…”.Everybody looks at me […]
The thought and feelings crept back in. I was depressed and suicidal before, but got through it. I learned to live and be happy. I mean, I thought I was happy. I never really know how I feel. It seems that I see how I should feel rather than having feelings. It’s all a mask to cover up the gaping void within me. I’m an empty vessel. I function within the world as anyone would, but I am no one. And I don’t mean I want to be appreciated because people make me feel like no one. Just, I’m inside my brain, and I can […]