Im working as a temp and have been for a couple of months. I may have had a chance to get hired on but i just no call no showed now i may be jobless. I kept calling the temp and company the past few days to see if i had to work with no answer with either. Now someone is telling me i did have to work and idk what to do. There is a dam 10 minutes away i can always jump. Im soooooo tired of always fucking up my life. My plan was to just go but i overslept woke up hella […]
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hey so I found SP while I was researching on pills overdosage and ever since the past few months been lurking on this page, reading many posts and decided to make an account today.
Its another year and most of the people I see are anticipating what the new year brings but im dreading it. Really, really badly. School is starting which is bad because I have to deal alot with being lonely and left out and anxiety issues which sucks alot. I know there are way graver problems out there, people starving in Africa, beggars on the street. And here am I, letting my […]
nearly whole of my life has been shit. Last two years it got even worse now im struggling. Ive tried so many time to leave but it never worked this year should be the one happy new year too all
I too was rejected and friendzoned for most my life.. I know those feelings and im a stick no muscle. I think im confident. Maybe im not.. But internet sites makes meeting and dating easier. Even for ppl like you and I. I believe in the words “just keep trying”. I always been told someone will come along.. Or you’ll meet someone blah blah. It totally affect my thoughts and feelings towards how i looked at myself and how i thought others viewed me.. Im in my 30’s single, living with parents and unemployed. Im only going to hope that you keep trying even when […]
http://en.nothingisreal.com/wiki/Why_I_Will_Never_Have_a_Girlfriend
This is dated and i have a few more things against me on top of the original writers criteria. 1 im fat. 2 i have horrible social anxiety 3 people are expected to be more promiscuous ive been told repeatedly by women “anyone can find someone” no ***** you are a beautiful young woman i am an ugly unconfident old male. 4 i dont want someone with kids and 5 i have a sort of social ptsd from years of rejections. It does something to your confidence when you see this face of repulsion on women. It makes me feel so disgusting. It made […]
I went thro a lot of stuff the last couple years. I lost all my friends, i live alone, and practically have no family. I cant talk about my problems to anyone except to myself. i think about killing myself about 50% of the day, and all through the night. I wend to the doctor and psychotherapy. It didnt work out for me. I tried antidepressants but it makes me feel even less alive, and id rather be sad then just could. Feeling something is better than nothing for me. So basicly all i managed to do the last 3 years is loose […]
Wow. Okay thats a thing.
Ive been passive aggressively making life harder for myself.
Exploiting all my health issues, especially the issues i know plague the bloodline. Picked up cancer sticks with the goal to burn through a pack a week…hell even depleted all my finacial resources knowing id be fucked when debt collectora come knockin.
Anything, to get sick to get hurt…to be ruined and yet.
A car that shouldve totaled me narrowly misses..my doc clears me of any bad news and now somehow i have money in the bank. Not just a few dollars but enough to get by the next few months.
I just […]
I want to cry but cant or even move. Fireworks will go off again soon. I did this to myself. I dated, i was weak, and i suffered and still am. Im not going to just meet someone thats just going to fall in place. Anytime soon even if we need it. Every partner i had, left. This one.. Im ready to go now.. And if i miss im just going to rip it out in agony and do it again. Well thata how i feel
It has been ten days since i moved back home. i don’t know what i feel right now. but my head keeps trying to find ways to escape from here. i was suppose to see the person i can talk to 10 days ago.but they were out of town. and i don’t want to text them and bother them during the holidays. i know they can help figure me out right now. i don’t want to go back to college. i hated college. i never wanted to go in the first place, but i had to. if i didn’t, i would have no […]
All I want is some peace of mind. And I can’t even do it. Im scared of killing myself. Id probably mess it up if i did try! Life hurts every waking moment. Im stuck, I’m forever hurting, crying, dying to live!
Hi folks.
Well today ive tried to go for some shopping, looks like i need to buy a suit (new year party thingy), oh sweet, like i said i tried, i went to some shopping, but its so messy, so many people.. I had to give up, it took all my strengh. Than ive tried to go get a coffee in midle of town you know, just wanted to get it and to go near the river to sit in there and cry, yes because this try , sucked all i had, and again, people and traffic everywhere, gave up again.
Here i AM, tired, confused, near […]
Its christmas and all im doing is crying in a dark room ruining christmas for my boyfriend. Being alive is just so painful.
The science channel is playing every single Mythbusters episode in order for 10 days I’ve forgot so much about this show in its early years…. the post is over im all suicidal ranted out. Im procrastinating and tired but i don’t feel like rambling. I hope you all feel better you are special people.
Merry christmas to all here every day is a new day hope all have a great holidays im hopeing 2016 will be better year for all
First of all, i want to make sure that you know, i would never take my own life.
I just currently finished yet another book about a girl taking her own life… Why, and how… Always a mystery.
Im not suicidal. I have never been. But for a long time i have been in love with the idea of the picture of taking my own life.
Always about how i would do it. How people would react. Would anyone regret things they did to me og what they never told me.
Who would find me, would anyone find.
I had the same crush about eating disorders.
I feel sick […]
I cant do it this is stupid. Im too tired to move most of the time. Its a battle to not beat myself up all day. My best friend has stopped talking to me so she can kill herself and now ignores me im alone so im back here to be judged and picked apart. I want to die. Ive been suicidal for decadesm i should want to die. Im tires im sick my job is stressful. Everything is a suicide trigger I can’t stop over eatting. I am just scratching the surface I’m so angry i punch things at work randomly. Im undatable, uninteresting, […]
So I moved back home today. And I’m laying here, crying, because I really don’t want to be here. All I do is hide here. I don’t talk here and I can’t be myself here. And tonight, I went to my old high schools band holiday party and the one person I can talk to was suppose to be there. And I was suppose to see them and they were suppose to tell me it is going to be ok. But he’s not in the state. And no one told me. And I’ve been looking forward to seeing him all week. And I can’t do […]
Just going to sleep. But first need to update, about today, very lonely one. I feel bad, its hard to find the future when you cant even see the present.
Theres no words for this.
Anyways, i check the site everyday, and most of posts that i can, most of them i just read because idk what to say for help, im so sorry. But its a fact that if we cannot help ourself its very unlikly that we can help others and i dont like to sell things that i dont buy myself, if u know what i mean.
But i help talking if anyones want to.
Ive ditched cutting some time back but now ive picked up smoking haha. Well if its not one thing its another. Ive racked up some things to put me on the naughty list and while others are concerned how im going to handle them i find myself not really caring anymore. Even worse ive gotten into the habit of being a real clutz. At first it was just on accident but now they happen more frequently. I end up with scrapes, cuts and bruises that linger for a long time…but i kinda dont mind? Especially when cooking i used to be real careful but ive […]
I dont even know if im publishing this, because im too emotional right now, but after a day that i was living ok, i went to do that thing that still makes me feel alive, or used to, not sure anymore, in my way to home i just cried, pain just got me.
Its just very hard to try to keep moving on without any happiness, full of guilty, full of dead love.
Well im just waiting a few days, after what happned to me last week , ill say goodbye to her, to all those things that i still have from her, only memories will remain […]