My ex-fiance broke my heart. Yep. He broke off our engagement and continues to beat me emotionally until I’m numb. I want to die. I want someone to take this pain away from me. But nobody ever does. So I think I’ll end my pain. I think I’m going to die today. Don’t tell me life’s worth the fight. My whole life has been one painful experience after another. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been crying out for help for years. I thought he was going to help me. He broke me in ways I never thought were possible. I will probably never be […]
Tag:
in the end
Had enough of theses four walls had enough of the same shit different day wake up go college going to work etc is this all there is to life ? What is our real purpose for being here apart from destroying the earth and destroying our selfs and then living another 50 years of being unhappy or like someone said on here to slave away to buy a house then call your self free but then your not really free because your stuck with a heavy mortgage over your head then your just living to pay that of but you have to want to live […]
I’ll start this post by telling you my story. I’m 19 years old and I have been depressed my whole life. I’ve always felt like I don’t belong here and I’ve wanted to kill myself ever since I can remember even though I didn’t have a good enough reason. Nevertheless, I wasn’t strong enough and I never got the courage I needed to do it mainly because I didn’t want to hurt my family especially my mom. Nonetheless, ever since this year started I feel I can’t take it anymore. I had to drop university which I loved and finally was making friends (which got […]
My best friend. He died. A couple of months ago he just said he’s head was hurting and then next thing you know, he’s in the hospital. Half his brain turned off and he went into coma. Two weeks later doctors told us he would never wake up. He’d been my best friend since I was five. How could he leave? Did he not realize how he would hurt not only me but the other ones that loved him as much as I did? I don’t like trusting anyone. I know thy’ll leave me behind and that will hurt. I just know it. Yet I […]
I don’t want to build a spaceship that travels at the speed of light or create replacement organs. I don’t want to figure out a clean abundant power source or a better way to grow produce either. I don’t want to do any of that nor do I want to participate in this stupid Capitalist system. I really don’t want to explain how socialism is not the same thing as communism and why a socialist president would benefit a semi-Capitalist America.
I don’t even care about the fact I was a guinea pig for now-commonly-used prenatal devices in Cali or the fact I helped preserve my […]
Well the thought of Valentines doesn’t really bother me due to the fact that it really is a celebration of how people feel towards one another, and a scam from big companies. But either way knowing that people can feel that strongly about each other and that when i find someone that i value as a significant other, that i can celebrate Valentine’s as well.
Either way no one would value me that way that i would for them. I am just so stupid. I am failing high school and the fact that that doesn’t really bother me, scares me. My father has leukemia and […]
Idk how to get over it. There are times where i dont think about it. Moments where im good enough of a liar to tell myself otherwise. As Winston Churchill said of the truth “The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.” The truth is I’m not attractive, social active, or persistent enough to find someone. I don’t know how to change that. I feel like i change every other aspect of my life except this and i feel helpless. The only advice people have is be more confident. Thats like telling […]
I need to accept the reality; either through force or escape. I’m so cold, so numb, so apathetic that I can’t save anyone. Yet, I try for no other reason than boredom. I don’t want to help them, I just do it to make it seem like my life has meaning. In the end, I just make things worse… Because I just don’t care.
Screw it, I’ll just say it already! Anyone that dates/befriends me is asking for trouble, especially on SP. God forbid, someone on here does develop a crush on me… I don’t even want to imagine that horror show…
I know i don’t want to die but really, what other option do i have? Life is just too stressful and i don’t know what to do anymore. So for all of you reading this i think im just gonna kill myself, I’ve tried with multiple unsuccessful attempts but in the end im just going to do it while my parents are sleeping. I plan to leave a suicide note for my family and if any of my family is reading this or if someone knows me and figures out its me then please please please tell my mom im sorry and that i did […]
I drafted this awhile ago but then started feeling better. But my depression has re-triggered and it’s stronger than ever. The anxiety pills and antidepressants don’t work. Drinking doesn’t dull the pain, it now only intensifies it. My therapist and doctors try so hard but I see the worry in their eyes because they know they can’t reach me anymore. I’ve run out of ideas and energy, and my life feels empty and done. It’s time to post this just in case. I need MC to somehow discover the truth. If it’s meant to be, he’ll find this someday. He’ll know it’s him. He and my therapist know the story, but […]
I am tired of everything. Tired of going to school everyday and have bad grades because I can’t focus. Tired of making efforts to have friends and in the end being alone again, tired of trying, tired of keep going, tired. I am tired of living, breading, eating, sleeping and being tired.
They say it’s because I am shy that I don’t have friends, well I try and yet the exclude me. I try to talk but or it goes wrong or they talk over me or I am just ignored. And I can be like one month without talking to anyone that nobody searches for me […]
maybe its just me and these strange feelings. I have no idea what it is nor how it started, began, developed and spread faster than a wildfire in the chamber of my heart.
you know that frustrating feeling when the person you care most about is in pain and all the loving, all the caring you poured into will never be able to take the pain away. shes my best friend but maybe shes more than just that, she sees me as any other friends she has but to me, shes a genuinely nice individual whom i cant bear to see in pain.
and all […]
life is pointless and we suffer for nothing.
so lighten up
everyone is fucked in some way, they might just not show it. including the people who you think have everything.
you can analyse things all you want but in the end you’re just trying to rationalise something to feel better. you’re just going around in circles and will choose whatever answer makes you feel the best. which means it’s all a lie.
you’ll become more and more desperate for psychological stability. from people, drugs, alcohol, whatever.
accept the things you can’t change, feeling anxious or miserable isn’t going to help you. what do you want?
there’s no point of looking outside […]
Things have changed since I last posted. I had my first fender-bender, my boyfriend broke up with me same day, my cat almost dies, and I had to move back in with my parents. So where to begin? It was a normal day and I had to run some errands so I told him I loved him and went on my way. I proceeded to barely hit a parked car. The only damage was my broken headlight. I called him crying and freaking out. I got home where he proceeded to break up with me. Not to mention this was the day before Thanksgiving, I […]
It’s been a very long time since I have visited here. It’s been at least two months since I wrote anything here and since I felt this lost. Tonight however, was the first time in what feels like an eternity that I felt completely lost, alone, helpless, and like no one was ever going to be able to be trusted again.
You see, to understand you would have to know what it felt like to be living a type of Quintin Terentino movie that felt all too much like a dream but one that you could never wake up from. Add to that a movie […]
I don’t really know how to start this post or how to explain but since I don’t feel comfortable enough trying to talk to anyone I might as well put my thoughts out into the open. The only way to explain it is that I’m simply tired of being alive. I wouldn’t say I was suicidal as I very highly doubt I would ever find it in me to take my own life, however I don’t fear death and if it happened then that’s that. I wake up every day feeling like I’m simply trying to kill off time, like I’m not making any use […]
High school, a dangerous place for meet mortal teenagers who doesn’t have the looks or requirements to fit in high school. I know the feeling. My story is a little different. It’s not that typical nerdy girl is alone and all of a sudden she gets friends and moves on. No. That only happens in fantasies. I’ll start from the beginning. All through primary school I had friends. Lots of them, in fact. Some how in the 5th grade, I had a best friend at that time who always got mad at me for not doing what she did, obviously for the sake of friendship, […]
Apparently I post on this site every 6 or so months when my suicidal ideation hits an all-time high. Funny how that coincides with the schedule for final exams. Today I actually wrote down a step-by-step checklist for everything I need to do in order to kill myself, including all of the necessary preparations regarding my belongings and funeral arrangements. The list is remarkably coherent and logical despite the fact that I wrote it during an intensely hysteric episode.
I already tried to stop myself from ideating and plotting. I read those “X Reasons Not To Kill Yourself” lists and the like, but I found it […]
I find my self not caring even more every day. What’s the point?
I don’t have any friends anymore . I’m practically alone . And at first I was scared but now I’m fine. I feel awkward being in public . I’m still really social , I just feel like people are judging me .
I find enjoyment in going on dates with other men. This is my secret . I done this so many times. i get to feel like the spotlight is on me for 3 seconds . But in the end none of these men make me happy . I don’t feel the need […]
You know… It’s so tragic it’s almost funny. At times I feel like I have everything figured out, all my I’s dotted, all my T’s crossed. And in the end. I really don’t have shit. I have nothing. Zip, Zero FUCKING ZILCH. When it comes right down to it, I am a goddamn fucking wreck. Emotionally, Mentally, and Physically, all round I am Fucked. Fucked. Fucked. Fucked. Fucked. Fucked. I’m so Fucked that I really don’t even know how fucked I am. I keep thinking, keep telling myself “oh just take one more step, one more breath, have just a tad, a smidge more compassion […]