Some friends of mine were involved in the making of this song. About youth depression and suicide. At times I feel as if the lyrics were written for me.
in the
Dear Feelings,
What the fuck.
Now is probably the WORST time for you to develop a crush.
Now is probably the WORST time to start feeling again.
I can’t believe you.You dirty piece of shit.Just as you were getting used to not having her around,
You pull this stunt.At 6:30 in the morning.
Maybe if I weren’t gay,this wouldn’t have happened.Maybe if I were asexual,none of this would happen.
Maybe if I were straight even,none of this would happen.
But nope.
I’m gay.
And my feelings seem to use that against me.
So there it is
The thing i’ve been trying to hold back for so long.
And […]
There are some things that I cannot let go of.
I want answers from those who will not give me any.. not now, not ever.
Desperation washes over me whenever I think of ‘back then’ and the truth is that I’m not sure that what I remember is what happened because I was so young at the time. All I want is for those who were involved to ‘fess up for once in their lives, but I know deep down that it will never happen.
So, for the past few years I’ve been trying to forget.
Each hour now pasts like a dream – so detached from reality – […]
Peut etres, le gas Francais, son coeur, il y va me sauver.
Xavier, Anatole, Jeremy, Lore. Life was so fun.
Constance and her castle with an indoor swimming pool and spa.
The party room in the attic. Oh, and Eva. Oh, mondieux.
Then I moved to the State, fourteen years later. Fated, and now.
Seeking to save my life, here, on Suicide Project.
I tried, I attempted, at life. Sucked inside my monster, was only I.
Only I, and still will ever so. Vowed, please, make me strong.
I lost a long time ago. From suffering death, I seek life.
Here on my opposite end […]
Seeking the Alpha Black Lotus.
The bounty in the belly of the dragon.
Your spirit and soul mutated.
The ghost is heaven and hell.
I am here. Tied and hanged upside-down.
In our Present time, God, is death; your name in vain.
Our birthright to party, our humankind.
I need the comrade, the steep and rocky road from Saint-Hell.
Let us go, smooth. Ghost Rider and Ali Baba, and I, in the dark.
The next match to light and ignite into magic.
Transmogrify, like I’m going to go train to take down a giant killer dragon.
I need to, to save this fucked child and […]
and soon. Sure, who the hell doesnt want an easy way out, but growing tired of all the nay-Sayers who dont think i have the guts to off myself. MORE bad news today. MORE being alone! MORE being screwed-over by family. and yes, at this point i know that no one cares and i certainly ASK that no one cares. Just MORE shit-filled proof in my life stating i am worthless to others and i know damn well, i have long since been worthless to myself, too. i could give a fuck. i found a way to legally purchase a gun in my state. no […]
Is it weird that part of me is afraid of the water? I guess that’s why I don’t go swimming cause I almost drowned 2 times, once when I was little and another time when I had to save my little sister from drowning in the ocean even though she weighed more than me. And another part of me just doesn’t like the water. Ever since I saved my little sister ( 3 years younger than me) from drowning I have not gone in the water really, Ive only gone in when I had to, for example camp when I had to surf and swim in Catalina […]
Maybe the world is just a big mess,
full of pointless people doing pointless things,
but I know this is a world I want to be part of.
I want to hear the rain tapping against my window,
like a well meaning person trying to get in,
but in this world the well meaning people don’t get in,
it’s always the scum that earn the trust,
‘Nice guys finish last’ they say,
but fail to see how true it is,
because I may not be nice to everyone and anyone,
but I am nice to the people who need it,
and maybe I will finish […]
So, I’m sitting here wondering about life, and one of the things I’ve noticed is that the Internet has been the only constant in it for a very large chunk of time now. The Internet is there for me when I’m sad, happy, mad, bored, fill in the blank. Nothing else in this world brings me the amount of joy the internet brings me. Not people, not drugs, not alcohol, not sex, nothing at all can compare to the wonders of the internet.
I recently found out that my internet has a cap. Because I reached it. With that, my internet provider makes you pay […]
I started cutting a couple of months ago & I really think I don’t matter on this world. But if I try to commit suicide & I fail WHAT WOULD HAPPEN? I’m scared of fail.. In the other hand I think I need help. So, I don’t know what to do.
Since my relationship crumbled a few weeks ago, I have had this sinking feelingp in the pit of my stomach. I would wake up with it. It’d be with me until I went to bed at night. The only time i could ignore it was at work.
Sometimes, I’d wake up in the morning and cry myself into a vomit session. Worst part about that is not having ingested anything but weed and alcohol for the past 23hours. I’d rather drink than eat. Eating is so hard now but it used to be my favorite thing. Now nothing has taste. I went to bed last night […]
Have you ever felt so ugly and unwanted, that you couldn’t leave the house? You feel as if everyone is staring at you, wondering why you look this way instead of that way. I worry about that every day, and it’s gradually getting worse. I can’t leave the house most days. I haven’t always hated my appearance, it became noticable when I began to truly notice my appearance. I’m 13, and I have alopecia. During the summer, my hair started to get noticably thinner and now it’s almost completely gone. My mother thought it’d save my confidence if we just shaved it all- which in […]
Hey y’all. I’ve been a long time lurker and just decided to make an account. Reading some of the things here seems to help me sleep at night and reminds me that there’s always an alternative to life.
My title to this post is tired of life and that statement couldn’t be any truer for me right now. Fourth of July just past and I celebrated it with my blood relatives, relatives and their friends. The party was at my aunts house and she has a pool and yard for fireworks. Many people would be excited to enjoy the beautiful day out in the sunshine, […]
So I know I have been posting things like this a lot lately. But yesterday I finally pushed the one person that was really holding me around. I told her that we can’t be friends anymore or can’t date or nothing. I know a lot of you will say why would you push someone away like this or do something like that. Well I don’t want her to take blame for if or when I do this. I don’t want her to hold the fault for the rest of her life. Cuz it’s not her fault and she should never take the blame. And I […]
I don’t feel sorry for myself. I am living life as I think I’m suppose to. I do feel hopeless, but it’s in a new kind of way. I don’t dwell on it like I once did. I really feel “ok”. I’ve accepted it.
I still have small feel goods, but they go as quickly as they come. I feel annoyed and agitated quite often, but usually with one person in particular. I am anxious more than anything… I can’t seem to shake it. It is destroying my life… ME. I tried so hard to fit in, do my best, be a good mom, friend, person, […]
I was always so damn sober and clean. So sensible around drugs and addiction.
Now I’m beginning to think like an addict. Feelings/thoughts approaching unbearable? Take a pill. A non-prescribed one if necessary.
Every day there are reasons to take a downer. Yes, ironic. I’m as depressed as can be. But the drug makes me stop caring. Makes me dumb, fearless for the duration. Bit wobbly on my feet maybe, but I can face anyone and anything without anxiety.
At last I found an online source of what I need. Marijuana makes me nauseous. Drink was never my thing. But there is a pill for every ill. So […]
I planned to go tonight. I have the pills ready. I honestly don’t know if I will or not. I had a partner last summer, we got ready together. She drove to my place (where I live with my mother in the middle of nowhere) to pick me up and we cuddled all night and talked and watched her favorite show. But on the day it was to happen, I backed out. She didn’t and sure enough her obituary showed up on the internet and her friends posted messages about her. She was part of a community who really misses her. I only have a […]
Well this is a long story, but to sum it up, I am truly giving up on life. Trust me the answer isn’t 42, it’s not happiness or sadness. And the dragoon from final fantasy 9 has a dam good point! Being forgotten and alone is worse than death. After all when your dead you know that you no longer know that your hated, and are left with nothing right? Maybe I’ll be in some grave, maybe I’ll be with god. No matter the case be, I’m pretty dam sure I won’t be in the pain I am feeling now. Ok now for my life […]
Does anyone else agree that when someone says suicide is a cowardly thing? I feel that if your in the position your in and few the way you feel, you way the facts and think about everything. I feel it’s actually a very hard thing to do. And another thing is. How do you feel when you final have the power to talk to someone close to you and ask for help, but all they say is I can’t talk to you anymore if your going to do that cuz I don’t want to be apart of it. I feel that is that person truly […]
Hi all,
First, thanks for reading. I don’t have anyone to talk to, so strangers on the internet seemed reasonable.
I am 37 years old. Diagnosed bipolar-II at 20. I’m not new to this. Usually I’m able to manage mood stabilization with my meds, but being a type 2, I trend toward depression.
Last year, my depression spiraled out of control. Starting in January, until it “peaked” mid-summer. My psychiatrist of ten years suggested much more aggressive treatment – I was assessed for and eventually underwent ECT (“shock treatment”). Apparently it really helped, but I have no memory for the month following the course of treatment.
For various reasons, […]