I let people down in my life, i don’t have my a h.s diploma, or a ged. i let myself down, i’m 23 now, i don’t have a job, i am on probation for 6 years for something so stupid that i did 4 years ago.. i feel like such a failure, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me, she’s the smartest and most beautiful person in the world, people tell her she could be a model. i was so happy to have her, she told me i never changed, i used to drink every night, i have anxiety, i’m afraid to go […]
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Originally I wanted to post some thoughts on alt.suicide.holiday but I cannot seem to get the narkive account to do anything. Everytime I try to post, I gets 403 error saying there was spam with my post. Oh well, some of the regulars there are a real kick in the pants like The Colonal Eric Paul Burke from Northville, Mi.
What drives me crazy is the perfect conditions that need to be present to take the plunge. If I’m too depressed, there is absolutely no way I can attempt ending it all. If I’m in good spirits, I want to do other things. Its very rare […]
ok i typed a book here a bit ago, but apparently it was in the wrong place. Â figures.. Â ok breifly now then here is my story so yall can tell me i have so much to live for.
have never completed any thing. Â highschool i got my ged, army i took medical discharge, college went for 1 semester got screwed by student loans and now 7 years later i still owe 3x the original ammountand my tax returns for the last 5 years have been taken to go towards paying them. Â the longest ive ever had the same job is 1year. Â ive been homeless3-9 months out […]
I hate myself as a person. so many people make posts about how they’re so angry and so mad at everyone for ruining their lives… not me. I can’t blame anyone for any major bad things in my life… I’ve had it good.
The thing is, I ruined my own life. But you wouldn’t know it to look at it from the outside in. I have a good paying job, happily married, siblings/parents/grandparents all in my life. I don’t deserve my wife or other things in my life, but I’m a naturally flawed and ungrateful person so while I realize I don’t deserve them, that doesn’t […]
Hi Guys,
This is just going to be short and sweet. First off I am sorry that I didn’t post my weekly post yesterday. I completely forgot and I was so tired. Anywho here I am. Yay….
How are you guys?
How am I? Um well… Not so good. It’s so tempting to go… It’s so tempting to say goodbye… It’s so tempting…
Here’s a poem:
My feet hit the soft carpet
I look up at myself
Tears streaming down my face
I look at myself in the mirror for the last time.
I brush my hair to make it look good
I put the brush down […]
The thoughts came on fast. This was about 10 minutes ago. They have never been this strong in my life. Usually I don’t break down and cry when I have suicidal thoughts but this time I did. I just started thinking about my childhood and playing on the beach with my mom and watching my dad sit around in the ocean. I remembered the small irrelevant things like the one time I fainted when my mom was brushing my teeth. Then I pictured myself now. Actually considering dying. It seems so surreal. Thinking about never being able to touch water again. Never being able to […]
“Yeah, the whole thing begins, and I let you sink into my veins, and I feel the pain like it’s new.”
I ‘ve tried and tried to forget. the pain. the tears. the laughing. the smiling. the places. the memories. you. And no matter what I do or say, I can’t. I miss it all, every second and day of it. I miss how close we were. Now it’s just gone, without any explanation. Not even a good-bye. I put away all the things you gave me so I wouldn’t be as reminded of you. It helped for awhile. But then I took out the letter…. […]
We, people who lack strength, keep doing the same things repeatedly. We’ve forgotten the feeling of being alive. We can’t tell if we are living or dead. Do you feel that you are “alive†now? At this stage, only a thin line separates living and dead.Therefore the sayings, “life is valuable, you should not commit suicideâ€, “if you stay alive, everything will have a turning pointâ€, “your friends and relatives will feel sad for your death, so you have to stay alive†can all be put aside; these are not convincing anymore. The convincing words which can stop one from committing suicide vanish; the signal […]
Why is such a site appealing?
Don’t know, but it is.
Thanks for having it.
I have not been thinking of suicide for the past couple of years, but in the last couple of months yes.
The same old thing–how do I make it look like an accident (insurance money) and yet guarantee that it’s successful and not too painful?
In Switzerland, you hear about the occassional bicycle rider who gets hit by a car.
But you know at 48, I have managed to live with depressed thoughts for a long time.
I see all these young people on this site and I cannot imagine how they can feel so down.
In my […]
I have so many regrets in my life after I graduated college. I have many friends but I feel depressed at times. I am the youngest in the family and my parents are so over protective to me. I should be home before 8PM. Rules are rules. No boyfriend after college. No drinking of alcohol. No smoking. They are over manipulating me. I am not a robot. Especially my sisters, they always control my life. I hate living anymore. I had a boyfriend. I met him at my work, he’s my co-employee. We’ve been together 7 months from now. He’ s my first boyfriend, First […]
i’m like the expired never opened bottle of milk standing in the back of the fridge and soon i will meet my demise
Suicide is an ugly word. I just read an article about how assisted suicide is legal in Switzerland and they allow for dignity in the process. Switzerland gets it. After reading this article it came to me that we are Peace Seekers. This is usually what we are seeking.
There are no miracles; I can’t get through this storm.
I can’t even leave my house (again) to do anything useful today. I am totally useless (completely). Perpetual limbo on repeat- between a dead life and death.
I’m that blue (brown) eyed whore. I am that little girl. I am her. There’s no one to help me through this storm.
Here is PJ Harvey on Autoharp, lovely version of Down by the Water.
I lost my heart
Under the bridge
To that little girl
So much to me
And now I moan
And now I holler
She’ll never know
Just what I found
That blue eyed girl
She said […]
muted cry of despair
a gruesome play
flung up high in the air
no holding on to no ledge
the rush of adrenaline and the rush of lurking silence
the sky is the poison
seeping inside your head
infecting what’s been left behind by agone parasites
the ground is the healing
take a moment
in mid-air surveying the barren waste
your home
no soul in sight
old ruins adorning it
for the blink of an eye you dare to enjoy the peaceful solitude
gravity sets in
now prepare for another round
between the claws of your slaughterman
My name is Justin Jay Smith. My date of birth is January 26, 1988. My SSN is ***-**-****(included in paper copy only that was left on site). I died from self-inflicted wounds the morning of February 26, 2014, at the address of 3099 Kirklevington Drive Apartment 152 in Lexington, KY 40517. This is my “suicide note” and “letter of intent” if you will.
I will start by saying I loved you Amanda. I truly am sorry for how things turned out. I did try. I messed something’s up, I know. We all make mistakes and mishandle things or ourselves from time to time. I […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/10-The-End-of-All-Things.mp3
She lies next to me, breathing softly, quiet whimpers drifting from her mouth as she sleeps, as I am wrapped in a sadness I cannot explain. She makes me happy, she does, but it seems to be more than that and yet, at the same time, less. Inside me, ocean waves pass over my head, tangling me in the current, and I can’t breathe. Tumbled in some form of vertigo in my head, in my heart, while my body lies on the sand, the water barely lapping at my toes.
So what’s wrong? Nothing.
Why, then, do I feel like I’m falling apart on the inside?
I […]
Pen to paper, ink on the page
Unable to let flow the words I made
A block, a wall, something in the way makes it feel like these words are fake. My heart, my soul, my self I used to pour in the paper
The lines, the truth printed out in front of their maker, never forced never coerced out of his mind but now those same words I’ve written a thousand times seem hard to find.
Have I drank the well dry? Is it because I’ve gotten too happy to cry or feel empty inside? Is that where my inspiration was derived? Where my […]
I have come to a realisation about myself. I have realised i am beyond my own control. I usto think that I could rule my mind with an iron fist, that i could stop the darkness, with nothing but my will. It vexed me, Oh how it vexed me when i failed but then i realised something. I realised the reason i failed was because i was not ment to succeed. Why would i be ment to change what and who I am?
I have faught the darkness in me for far too long. Now i realise i was never ment to fight it, I […]
Hello everyone, I’m back again. This time I couldn’t make it to the imagenary two week line, rather I crashed down hard yesterday after I came home from the University and needless to say the thoughts were back once more stronger than ever. I’m not willing to give up but I feel like a vent is in order and who knows maybe it’ll give you people a small crumb in getting forward.
So how did it start this time? I suppose the first surfacing of the emotion of not wanting to be on this planet, in these shoes or life came the last Saturday. I felt […]
I’m hearing things. People who aren’t there. The things they say are true, and they point out things. Things I didn’t notice.