Growing up in a traditional Asian household, life was very different from what I had read in American novels. With a strict Taiwanese father who graduated from Harvard, was the minister for Sino-America relations, and a Marine for 15 years, expectations were always set high. And my mother on the other hand, looked at me as no more than a show pony that she could steal accomplishments from. From an early age, achievement was measured in medals, and love in trophies. Whether or not I would get beaten depended on how fast my times in the latest swim meets were, how I placed in the latest […]
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I sometimes like to imagine a reality in which there was an unwritten and unspoken method of first-person perspective observation by unnamed third parties; an ability realized by only a select few. I like to imagine myself being watched by an external third party; they would be witnessing my actions (within a limited window of time, usually less than a minute per viewing session) through my eyes.
Usually, the person being observed would be unaware of the perceptual intrudance, but in my mind I always have a sense – like a background, quiet tingling sensation in the back of my mind – of when I’m being […]
This feel like giving up I am in my late 30’s no wife or kid’s no career . I gave up on love then I fond the girl of my dreams every thing I always wanted . It was like finding a female me . Tells me she never going anywhere and were going to have a life together then she dumps me because of a mistake form past and a dream that I would hurt her. Tells me she had to many issues to be in a relationship . Then only to find out she started dating a buddy . That put me in […]
i have been suicidal since i was honestly 8 but i had to take care of my mother and now shes fine and i want to finally fufill my wish to die but i dont know if i could do it alone or at all, i keep hoping things are going to get better but they never do, am i crazy? i dont know but if anyone in the texas area is looking for a possible suicide partner im here. i keep switching between wanting to do it and looking foward i need somone to do it with me for me to be able to […]
I just can’t stop crying. Every day I came from work, I would curl in my bed and cry. Feels like my mind is a garden overgrown with weeds and thorns. And the garden never had flowers in the first place, it has always been empty and abandoned. And these tears make the weeds and thorns grow stronger and thicker by the minute, one of these days, my soul is going to get pushed out and will leave my body to die and rot in the garden I can’t tend to.
This world is not meant for me as much as i try to fit in it. i have a good job, my parents both love me in their own way, im well liked even though i have no true friends, im imaginative, funny and very smart and yet somethings wrong as i dont fit in this world i have recently cancelled all of my social accounts when i noticed that no matter how hard i tried to connect with people ( i have paid for my so called best friend to come to the cinema with me. ) that i barely get any replies and […]
I don’t even fucking care anymore wooo, I will never stop drinking, never ever. So much for that bullshit Effexor therapy I was trying, made me feel even worse than I already do. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m on a warpath until I die and nobody out there in the world better fuck with me ’cause I don’t have shit to lose.
Suicide is not a joke. It is a battle you fight with your inner spirit and your feelings. For some people, suicide starts with bully, one of the most commons reasons why most deaths in suicide are the range of teenagers and young adults. I am in that range and I was one of the many who had almost succeeded in taking my own life. Suicide don’t just happen because we feel like it, there is always a reason and the main reason suicide comes about in someones mind is because they are being bullied. Being a victim will bring up all kinds of thoughts […]
I doubt I posted often enough previously for anyone to have taken notice that I haven’t posted anything for some time now… The simple explanation is that I did not feel the need to. Every negative feeling for some reason subsided for a while, I was happy-ish. My boyfriend and I were getting along well, I finally managed to fit in amongst decent people.. Then I got admitted to hospital.
For physical reasons only was I admitted for three weeks, which took its toll I suppose. I was discharged a few days ago and honestly I’ve never felt worse. My boyfriend has decided once again to […]
I get unnecessarily blamed for everything by my EX best friend for the last year. She’s a fucked up little girl who walks all over people and uses them, then twists it on you making you feel like you’re at fault and that you’re a piece of shit. For real, this time, I don’t think we’ll talk again. This time she’s gone too far, showing up at my house and laying her hands on me trying to fight me. All because her friend got in a fight with her ex over some stupid shit and was upset, therefore I’m a bad friend for hanging out […]
Today I woke up to a very shitty morning and a job I hate. I don’t hate the job per se but I just lost interest in the things that I used to hold dear. I posted a part of my story on here a few days back so I don’t wanna regurgitate any of my erst while ramblings. But for those reading a post by me for the first time, I mentioned how I’d dropped out, lost my job a couple years ago after being decimated by a bout of depression. I took to vagabondage and sloth after that dreadful scenario because I had […]
I know how this may be like every cliche sad story. Girl and boy date for a long time, girl beaks up with boy, boy then becomes depressed. I used to not understand how people could become so deepened in depression all because they get dumped. This all changed this past few months.
I dated a girl, let’s call her Amy, for over three years. As it has it, we had actual chemistry together as that’s how we met in college. It was a true love at first sight. Amy and I in the later years planned everything for our dream wedding and confessed to me […]
I’ve been dealing with depression for the most of past 4 years (I’ve been hospitalized at 17). My girlfriend of six months just left me without a word of explanation. She’s been amazing the whole time, but there were no warnings. I don’t really believe in the concept of soulmates but I thought we were perfect for each other. I felt she was the only person to really understand me (I’m almost 21). For two weeks now, it has felt like someone stuck hundreds of shards of glass in my body and left it there. I’m not someone who often had physical pains before, but […]
They once told me that when every human is born, they are afraid of death. That our natural instincts tell us to live. For some reason, I was born different. From as far back as I could remember, I was never afraid of dying. When I was young, if a car was racing towards me, I would calmly step out of the way without ever feeling anything. If I was in the ocean and I couldn’t stay afloat, I would simply think about how my life didn’t matter anyway. But as I grew, that indifference to life and death morphed into something different. It changed […]
The goods: Sleeping patterns and grogginess in the morning significantly improved even with my Xanax, Restoril and Seroquel taken right before bedtime and those usually leave me feeling pretty sluggish the morning after. Energy levels have improved somewhat, slight restless feeling mirrored with a slight feeling of being content. Less flashbacks and bad memories so far.
The bads: Dry mouth/throat, some hotflashes, some heart palpitations, impotence, content feeling but at the same time not happy and still feel like I have even more motivation to kill myself. I guess it’s like a trade, my body feels energetic and my mind feels a bit clearer but at […]
I was happy before the pain began. I was a better person.
Going on three years now of a mystery illness that’s drained me of who I am. Been to several doctors this past year, took a whole year off from college and still no answers. I have just continued to feel worse and worse. I have lost all functionality as a human being. My family now expects me to get a job because at 22 I can’t be taken care of forever but I can’t work.
I don’t want to kill myself because of a lack of caring on anyone’s part. My family has helped me […]
I am not sure who is going to be reading this, or really why it is that you’re on this website and that you’re reading this, but hello. I hope that whoever you are and wherever you are that you’ve managed to have a relatively good day today.
My name is Mark Owens. I am not afraid to “reveal” my identity because I no longer wish to remain anonymous; I’ve been doing that my entire life. I am currently 19 years old and I live in the metro-Atlanta area, and beginning in the fall I’ll be starting my junior year of college as a Music Education […]
I don’t understand how you can come across someone and just click with them and before you know it, really start to like them in a romantic sense. What makes some people more outstanding than others? Why is it we can create this unique bond with someone that inevitably will be there forever whether you like it or not, or why do others just outgrow their significant others without reason? I’ve been thinking about you for the past 6 months now and I knew when we were “together” for the three short months it of course wasn’t love. But now it’s been so long, even […]
I messed up really bad. I left my friend out of an activity that I planned. At the time, I didn’t do it because I dislike her but because I forgot. I have always prided myself on being kind. But I keep forgetting to invite her to stuff. I do not know why. I swear it is not intentional. I have apologized but it isn’t enough. I know she hates me now and it is all my fault. She is mean to me sometimes and now I can see why. I do not deserve to be her friend when I am always hurting her. And […]