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in the

I miss you my beautiful girl

by worthless_loser 73 4/15/2015

written by worthless_loser 73

I miss her so much it hurts. She was my everything. My reason to get up in the morning. My reason to want to be a better person. My reason to want to live.

Now that she has left me, there is a hole inside me. The hole is so big, I can’t function anymore. I can’t work. I can’t think straight. I can’t laugh or smile. I’m useless without her.

All I do every second of every day is think about her. I have daydreams of her texting me or calling me to say she still loves me and she made a mistake. I imagine our […]

4/15/2015 8 comments

Last October

by Brittany 4/15/2015

written by Brittany

Last October i did something stupid. I don’t regret it…i just wish it had worked sometimes. I’m fucked. I OD on a shit ton of different pills. I came home one day from school and i didn’t plan it, it just happened. I just didn’t think i could go on anymore. i gathered everything i could get my hands on. Around 430 i took them all. At 5 my sister called my brother and I to have dinner. I started getting light headed and hurried to do the dishes and get back to my room. I quickly wrote a note to a couple friend, which […]

4/15/2015 0 comment

moving on…

by munckin 4/14/2015

written by munckin

Wondering starting to date again… I like one girl more then the others she is cute and sweet. She is originally from the country that I moved too 6 years ago. But also lived in the east and southern of Europe.

She is 8 years older then me. I don’t mind. I actually quite like it as I would like children and I think she would want them too. I wonder though if it is a wise step.. in the longer run for my happiness if that path were to happen….

we click really well so I do not really for see problems in that […]

4/14/2015 2 comments

It hurts.

by Angelus 4/14/2015

written by Angelus

i’ve always been alone. for as long as remember, i’ve been alone. After what seemed to be a lifetime, I had found someone who knew me as i wanted to be known. I found someone who…loved me as I wanted and needed to be loved. but now, she’s gone. I wake up in the middle of the night crying bitter tears. I cry till my heart gives out and I pass out. I’ve lost the only thing I’ve ever cared about. and it hurts in the deepest broken pieces of my heart.

4/14/2015 1 comment

What is the point?

by BartHallowmeow 4/14/2015

written by BartHallowmeow

I’ve spent my entire life trying to figure out what I want to do for a living. I think I’ve got a lead on something that seems right. It would allow me to work from home, part time, and I could make three times what I make now. If I can actually do it.

I’ve been stuck in a fast food job for almost a decade.

I wanted to sing or write, and now I do nothing. I have this weird brain fog thing, so nothing even looks real. I have snow vision. I get angry at my child all the time.

Nothing at all makes me happy.

And […]

4/14/2015 7 comments

I dont know

by SkippingSchizophrenia 4/14/2015

written by SkippingSchizophrenia

I often question the reality in which i live, sometimes i think it is an elaborate ploy. An illusion manifested by my subconscious to shield me from an ever harsher reality i maybe it. I fear that i am still locked in my mothers basement,that i was never let out. I think i maybe lying in the fetal position in the corner of the dark basement with the stone wall pressed into my back. Maybe i never did get out. I image the longer i was down there and the more i realized i may never know a life outside of that darkness the more […]

4/14/2015 0 comment

Quantum

by RoseHarper 4/14/2015

written by RoseHarper

Sometimes I forget the password and I am unable to log onto the Suicide Project Website. My struggle feels like a sign and I find it as ironic as a fortune cookie. “You will be the light in someone’s life.”

I sit here,
staring at this screen,
while another version of me
bleeds out in the tub down the hall.
I envy her.
She is the one who is free.
She is happier than me.

4/14/2015 2 comments

How far will we go?

by Pretend Girl 4/13/2015

written by Pretend Girl

We who deal with depression- how far will be go to hurt ourselves? I overeat. I don’t look at myself in the mirror- no idea what my hair is looking like. I don’t brush my teeth. So embarrassed at the doctor’s office when she looked in my mouth. Yuck! But I told her why and it helped to tell even that little bit.

We get upset facing the depression. We want to hurt ourselves in one way or another. Why do we do that?? The pay off is you are expressing your pain? Even the talk (hopefully only talking!) of killing ourselves is part of hurting […]

4/13/2015 2 comments

Cant go on any more…

by Gone169 4/13/2015

written by Gone169

I am 55 male and have been suffering from depression for over 2 decades. I guess it all started a bit earlier when my mum committed suicide in front of me at the age of 8. That image never cease to haunt me…

Ever since my mother’s death, i buckled all my emotions and managed to do well in uni and got a very well paid job. I was respected in the community but now this dark cloud has amassed over my head again and tried as i have like in the past. I cant go on. I used to draw strength from my son , […]

4/13/2015 5 comments

Alice has something to say

by BlackOutAlice 4/13/2015

written by BlackOutAlice

Look, Fuck you
Fuck the plane you flew in on
Fuck them shoes
Fuck those socks with the belt on it
Fuck yo gay ass fairy ****** accent
Fuck them cheap ass cigars
Fuck yo yuk-mouth teeth
Fuck yo hair piece
Fuck yo chocolate
Fuck Guy Ritchie
Fuck Prince William
Fuck the Queen
This is America
My president is black and my Lambo is blue, nigga
Now get the fuck out my hotel room
And if I see you in the street I’m slappin’ the shit out of you

4/13/2015 25 comments

Help

by sofar 4/13/2015

written by sofar

I have been so close to committing suicide the past couple years and I can’t fight anymore.

I suffer from severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD due to a horribly emotional abusive relationship I was trapped in for almost 2 years. I have anger issues. I have separation anxiety. I am plagued with nightmares.

I do not see a chance of happiness in this world.

I live in the shittiest era of the United States I could have possibly been born in. Jobs are hard to come by, and even if you get one, there’s such a lack of interpersonal relationships anymore. It all relies on your ability to […]

4/13/2015 4 comments

Oh! This takes my breath away

by bayareaguy 4/13/2015

written by bayareaguy

This was a song popular when I made my first “attempt” as a bullied teen (yes, bullying was taking lives back in the early 70’s). It became another of my audition pieces. It’s a tribute to artist Vincent van Gough, who died by suicide:

4/13/2015 1 comment

Suicidal, but afraid to die

by Awovil 4/13/2015

written by Awovil

Well, I’m not sure it’s even called suicidal, but it’s a case if depression either way. But it feels so much more than a depression. All I want right now is to end my life, kill myself, get an early grave. But here’s the fucked up part: I’m afraid of death. I can only imagine that it’s simular to being stabbed multiple times in the heart frequently throughout the day, every fucking day, without dying. I want to end the pain, but I don’t dare. I can’t, but some day I fear that it’ll drive me even more insane. So insane that I actually stab […]

4/13/2015 2 comments

I’m trying to remember

by Namelessqueer 4/13/2015

written by Namelessqueer

…what it was like to feel deep sadness as a young person. Well, really as a younger person because I am still young. I mean I see all of these high school folks on here feeling broken because they feel as if they have no friends, feeling lonely and I feel for them. I wonder how their sadness is similar and different from that sadness which I felt at their age. The internet was a smaller place 15 years ago, not much smaller but a bit. Blogs were less popular, there were less voices on sadness. Now it seems like there […]

4/13/2015 1 comment

I need someone :<

by Meg725 4/13/2015

written by Meg725

I have no one. My best friend don’t give a f* about me. I had a fight with his friend and he forced me to apologize with them even though it wasn’t fault so i sacrifice my dignity and apologized to them. We were best friend before i had a fight with his friends , he stops hanging out with me and left me sit alone in the class . I start to have my lunch alone in the school , feeling helpless in the class . I tried to overdoes paracetamol and ended up vomited all of them out and i never going to […]

4/13/2015 2 comments

My story prior to Suicide

by flatliner 4/12/2015

written by flatliner

Dear anyone
I am an 18 year old guy and my life is shit for the last 10 years with no exaggeration. I am really fucking depressed and I keep everything inside me for a very long time but I found this site some time ago and I would like to write my story before I end my miserable life. I know many of you will get bored and close this page in the midway because it will be very long but I don’t care for anything anymore.
The problem is that I am just so fucking ugly. I have nothing on me to like […]

4/12/2015 19 comments

None of it Matters

by kissofdeath10 4/12/2015

written by kissofdeath10

The one thing that has kept me going for the longest time has been schoolwork. I am a senior in college, graduating in May and wondering what will help me survive after that. I’m good at schoolwork. I’m smart. Not to sound arrogant, but I know what to do to get good grades, and I love to learn. When everything else is fucked up, as it often is, knowing that I can get something right is what keeps me alive. Now, it’s nearly over, and in all that handwork and all that knowledge gathering, I have no career prospects. Nothing that I’m particularly good at. […]

4/12/2015 4 comments

Getting Banned From Suicide Sites

by louise52 4/12/2015

written by louise52

I hope this doesn’t happen to anyone here (unless you’re an abusive troll of course). I was banned from two chatrooms and this forum. I was manic and somewhat obnoxious at the time, however others misbehaved too and deliberately stirred shit for me with a loved one. I’m sure they’re still happily included in the respective groupings.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not bitter about it. I would just like to highlight for people the fact that many people with mental illnesses use these forums. Being banned or outcasted from a suicide forum could have quite a damaging effect on that person. Human beings yearn to […]

4/12/2015 12 comments

no one else

by worthless_loser 73 4/12/2015

written by worthless_loser 73

I have lost the love of my life. The only woman I have ever truly loved and truly loved me. I waited 36 years for her to come into my life. She was my everything. Everything I ever wanted and needed.

I don’t understand why most people insist on telling me to “move on” and that “there are plenty of fish in the sea” and other cliché nonsense like this. I am aware of this. I know I could get someone else.

Why do people not understand that I don’t want to find anyone else? Who could ever compare to her? She was not perfect. No one […]

4/12/2015 11 comments

We’re in this together

by mockingjay 4/12/2015

written by mockingjay

Hey guys, i just signed up a few minutes ago and i’m surprised that i’m not alone. I just want to let all of you know, that we’ve got each others back since we’re in the same boat. I hope one day god will grant us the happiness we truly deserve. If not here, then in the afterlife.

Stay strong.

4/12/2015 2 comments

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