the time has arrived. moving stuff out. trying to push through the pain,the anxiety, the fear. she is so strong. so angry with me.deservedly so. she does not recognize how hard i tried. blind to my pain and loss. at least she has somewhere to go, and something to be. she will be safe and able to move foreward from the pathetic excuse of a husband she was with for so long. why is it wrong for me to want to die? what is so important about my existence? i think the normal people need us around to justify their happiness. ” if you dont […]
in the
Last night i was so angry with myself that i broke my glasses with my bare hands. I’ve started cutting again after 2 months of being clean. Of course my girlfriend had to see my wrists and she said i broke a promise to her and she did not want to ever speak to me again… she claims i broke her trust by cutting. She doesn’t seem to understand that cutting isn’t something i can just turn on and off again, and that i don’t cut for attention or to make her mad… she hates that i smoke weed (????) and she hates […]
I want to kill myself and once I’m in the act of doing so, I freeze and I cant? Why can’t I be one of the people that get hit and runned and shot by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Why can’t I own a gun and place the cold metal barrel to the side of my head and with a slight movement…end it all; for once and for all. Do I pity my mom and feel sorry that all her children bring her disappointed and frustration is that it and ending myself make it hit rock bottom? Im tired and […]
This is not my own, but it’s so beautiful, wanted to share….
Linger now with me, thou Beauty,
On the sharp archaic shore.
Surely ’tis a wastrel’s duty
And the gods could ask no more.
If thou lingerest when I linger,
If thou tread’st the stones I tread,
Thou wilt stay my spirit’s hunger
And dispel the dreams I dread.
Come thou, love, my own, my only,
Through the battlements of Groan;
Lingering becomes so lonely
When one lingers on one’s own.
I have lingered in the cloisters
Of the Northern Wing at night,
As the sky unclasped its oysters
On the midnight pearls of light;
For the […]
Glass marbles,
Spiraling over the floor,
Blue, green, red.
Some are retrieved
And put in a shiny jar.
Others fall down vents
Or collect dust under the sofa.
One is gulped down by the rat-haired dog.
My question: Do the prettiest marbles end up in the shiny jar?
Has anyone overdosed on (insert poison picked here) and had bad short/long term consequences? Both in terms of health, emotions, relationships… Has looking death in the eye (e.g. waking up in a hospital bed) ever changed your mind and motivated you to live?
OK this is my big RANT post of the day or even the week. I call it WHATS THE POINT. (( dont read it if your sensitive ))
Ive been around for more than 4 decades and after all my days of living I find that there are certain things that just really suck about life in general.
One) Life is not fair. Some people are born into well off familys and have a loving careing family that provides a good childhood for them and able to supply them with all a child needs to be happy and to havea good education and proper nutrition etc. While […]
I’ve been on several websites for suicide now. All forums. I suppose I keep coming to search for something. Maybe a reply that says it’s okay. I’m an atheist, so I don’t want to hear anything that has to do with your Jesus, Allah, etc. I also don’t want to hear anything about waiting longer for shit might actually change in two, three, or ten years. I’ve been depressed since I was in middle school. I’m 21 now. It started when I was a child. It’s obviously the cause for my stupidity to begin with. My childhood was filled with many forms of abuse. My […]
the night I tried to kill myself. For the first time. I suffer from severe panic attacks and depression and that night I was home alone with a full bottle of acetaminophen. I took about 30 capsules hoping it would work. I didn’t I was In a coma for about 27 hours and I woke up in the hospital. I’m Not really any better
Life is not fair / unfair. there is always winners & losers. I’m a loser, so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
Life is not fair.
Life is unfair.
there is always winners & losers.
there will always be winner & loser.
so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
rather than they keep living chasing & fixing all their way too many losses, which is probably too late anyway too.
and usually losers can’t win / can never win against winners anyway .. even the “start” is already too late!!
This is the harsh truth / fact / reality .
Reality / Real life / Real world is very LIMITING / LIMITED in what we can & can’t do !
We are limited by money […]
Coming on this site has made me realize how many of us around the world have stories that teach us we are not alone in the hurt and suffering. Maybe in some solemn sort of way we are all one note away from playing the same song. Perhaps this site shall be our choir and our songs shall live on…
So guys here’s my story, I’ve been living an average life. I was pretty confident, had some people who liked me. Girls thought I was quite good looking, more or less I new what I wanted in life I wanted to play hard now n later settle down with the love of my life. So basically I had things planned, i lived my life a day at a time worked during the days, went to gym in the evenings, Clubbed on Fridays n Saturday nights. Everything was good I did this for the past year. I had two best friends which I went to gym, […]
breathe,i must remember to breathe. in, out, in, out…,paralyzing fear. like the first time i was shot at. my brain is numb, and has a difficult time making decisions. must do. anything. so scared. so damn emotional. making me crazier. cant stop crying. no more tears and i cant stop crying. seeking help, but what can be done? it dont go away. the only ones who understand are in the same boat with me and sinking fast. so disconnected from evrything. i want to die. yet, i want to live. i want to experience joy, happines and all the good emotions that i have denied […]
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel like I only hurt people that are close to me. All my girlfriend wants to do is help and I’m so afraid of losing her, but all I do is push her away. I punch holes in the wall, hurt myself (never her!), and cry all the time. I actually can’t even remember a day where I didn’t break down and cry. I feel like my life is meaningless and I always question people’s reasoning for even being around me. If I had the choice, I’d leave myself and never come back. I’m just a worthless […]
So if you check my posts, you’ll see that a while back, I talked about going on a trip to Europe with a travel partner.
Well that travel partner was a girl I fell madly in love with and someone who promised me that regardless of whatever life threw at us, that we would go to Europe together.
Well that girl cancelled on me.
Well that girl is pretty much going to go live in New York with another guy.
And don’t give me that bullshit about there being a lot of fish in the sea. Because I don’t want to fucking hear it.
Well world. The sixth word has been spoken. […]
I lived alone with my brothers while my parents are living outside of country for 5 years. I miss the total privacy I had before doing all these attemps.. I used to lock my door and no one would even ask me why I did and I really miss that for a reason that partial suspension is my only way out.. could’ve taken all the time I want in my room to do it and get done with it with my room locked but I ruined this chance for myself.. I’ve done other attempts, ***** attempts (with pills) and now that my mom lives with […]
“Glenfidich, clean.”
“I’m going to have to see an ID. I mean, anyone who orders a Glenfidich probably has drank a time or two in their life, but you look kind of young.”
I flashed my license, she responded in a quick nod and vanished into some back area out of view. My vacant stare scanned the activity of the airport terminal. I had gotten three hours sleep, and in the midst of my loose focus, all of the crowds flowed by in bright blurs.
The cling of the glass behind me signaled the arrival of my best friend. I smiled at the server, nervously nursing the bitter […]
not in the form i thought it would. i got the A in math, I got all As. but yesterday i fainted after taking a shower, it was the wildest thing in the world, it’s never happened before. and that part wasn’t that bad. it was after going to the hospital (everyone told me that i should go, i didn’t want to be that person who says no when everyone else is saying yes) that i realized how terrible it was. i had no one to come and pick me up. i have no friends, and the people that i know with cars…well, i assumed […]
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 years. I’ve lied and hurt her before, she’s lied and cheated before. We’ve separated for extended periods with no communication but always ended up together again. More than once, we’ve promised each other that we’d never leave, promised we’d always fight to stay together, promised we’d always be together. We have an 18 month old daughter together. Things have been rocky the past year because I’ve struggled with employment. Actually, the entire relationship, I’ve struggled with employment. I am a felon, so that complicates things for me but it’s not a violent or drug related offense. I’ve been […]
All I wanted was to be with her. She was the only one that actually cares. She noticed me when no one else would. She hang out with me because nobody else wanted to. I fell in love with her then a week later she acts like I don’t exist and tells me she can’t be with me anymore. I try to be friends with her for the next week but I can’t understand why she would hurt me like that. I needed her more than anything in the world and she hates me for a reason I don’t even know and was never told. […]