I have stumbled across this site on accident and after looking over it all night and then joining, I am so grateful to have found it. I’ve been needing to talk to someone for a long time (decades, really). I realized I am scared to share it on here, also. No one will care (even though I know that here is the most probable place I will find like minds), it will be too long (because it is, indeed, an extremely long story and would probably have to be done in increments), because even though my problems ARE severe, I am fully aware that many […]
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Job
For the past few months I have read the posts and posted myself on this site. Â Every day is the same for me. Â I think suicidally but then I’ve made it 40 years and have family thats suffering around me and I want to help but the suicidal thoughts persist. Â But than after a few months I get lucky and score myself a 20 bag of weed. Â I smoke a little and suddenly everything changes. Â I feel even deeper sadness for those that I love that are suffering but I feel like I can deal with the loneliness of not ever really having a partner, […]
I find peace in the moments rigth before and rigth after I come up with a plane to kill my self
I want to live but I don’t. I need to kill my self but the knifes at my house is too dull to cut……my social akwardness makes pushes me cloister to my death each time I go to work. I want to quite and sleep till I am dumb with high school. I want to work one my nigth to buy a really shaper knife.I have hope but it’s far to unrealistic ……I don’t know maybe I should just quite my job.
I have a full ******** tank, and a bag, and some duct tape. I am so tired. The meds, the alcohol, and the therapy….no help. I’m 38 and my mother died 3 days ago 13 years ago. I have a 4 1/2 year old son, who I’ll miss the most, but in the end, I’m only going to screw up his life too. I’ve never been able to keep a job for more than 2-3 years. You know, everyone is human and everyone should have compassion for others. I am different, I get that. But, I am intelligent, have a lot to offer, and no […]
I’m not sure which is worse…
The agonizing requirements of interacting with those who don’t understand…
Or the “dead spots” when there is no one available, with whom to interact.
I honestly believe that if i could just make enough money…
If i could establish some sort of reliable method of generating income…
If i could “fix” just enough of my problems that i could have my own sustainable existence…
Maybe then i’d be content to tolerate the rest of the misery, and able to focus on sharing complex ideas in ways that those who could find them useful, would be able to understand.
And so i frame my problem thusly, and […]
What do you do when the pain so great that you just want to die but you cant because you know that if you do you will be pretty much killing your mom, dad and a couple of kids who look up to you. Â What do you do? Â I cant find a job. Â If I had money I would smoke some weed and I wouldn’t even think of suicide because when I’m high the reverse happens and I start thinking about survival. Â But I have nothing. Â I watch the damn Illuminati controlled TV all day. Â Even McDonalds wont call me back for an interview. Â I’m […]
I wanted to share an amazing quote from a incredible Comedian/Genius.
The World is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it’s real, because that’s how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round, and it has thrills and chills and is very brightly colored, and it’s very loud. And it’s fun, for a while.
Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they’ve begun to question, ‘Is this real, or is this just a ride?’, and other people have remembered, and they’ve come back to […]
I feel like the reason I like the suicide project is because I can write my true feelings. Â Usually I keep them bottled up. Â I know my dad has advanced diabetes and my mom just lost her mom and then her little sister and she feels helpless so I cant really tell them “hey I have serious depression, I lay in the fetal position and cry and wish for it to be over” Â That doesnt help them. Â So I try to keep going and then what happens my sister starts a fight with me over shit that has nothing to do with me. Â So I […]
I wish I could give everyone who posts here a hug, validate that what each one of us is feeling is okay, and be there for each and every one to help you get through the day. Since I can’t do that individually and in person, I just wanted to let everyone know that there is someone in this world here who wants to. Sometimes just knowing that there is someone out there who cares, can be the extra push to get thorough the day. To all of you who need that extra someone, that extra push, that extra love and support, I care. I’m […]
Thought I had something important to say. I lost my job a few months ago. Redundancy. Which should be shit, but I hated it anyway, and everyone I worked for, and redundancy is the best way to leave a job.
Anyway, I wanted to type something meaningful, but the only phrase going through my head is “fuck it” so I don’t anticipate anyone getting many nuggets of wisdom out of this post.
I dreamed about putting a gun in my mouth last night. The barrel tasted of bourbon. Wish it were real. Not out of any need for attention or anything, I’m just tired. I think I’ve […]
I am pretty sure endofanera passed. She was very determined to succeed. I won’t give out the details but a  little detective work gets the job done
RIP. i know I should be sad but this gives me hope. I know she wanted this so much. Â I’m getting closer and this helps me steady myself. It will be okay.
I just need to get it out. I’m 30 in July. I’ve never once had a job. I’m mentally disabled but can’t get on disability. Everyone treats me like I’m trash not worth helping. I’ve been bullied all through school, treated like I’m scum by the government, and my own family looks at me with contempt.
All I do anymore is sit and cry. When I try to talk to anyone it’s always “What do you have to be depressed about.” I can’t afford to get help, the government keeps denying me help because my parents aren’t complete assholes, and every place I apply to looks […]
My family hates me and I hate them.
I have no job.
I have 1 friend, but I am rapidly bringing her down to my level.
My purpose in life just got smashed. I realized it’s a lie and I’ve wasted my entire life on it.
I am not afraid of death. Death is the only thought that comforts me.
If there is a god, I want to meet it so I can kick its ass.
I am in physical pain 24hours/day from an accident.
My insurance runs out soon and I won’t get any more physical therapy or pain meds.
I am getting evicted […]
Today I’m struggling. I’m struggling to find the good. I’m so tired of feeling tired and fighting through this life. Everything seems so difficult. I want a job, but my emotions are holding me back. I want to have the happily every after with my boyfriend, but it’s like we’re in this revolving cycle that doesn’t quit. I want my mom to be happy and it’s so hard to see her struggle everyday. It’s hard to know that she wants good things for me, but brings up things in the past that I feel so terrible about that I don’t want to face what I […]
Stop the world, please
I want to get off
It keeps going and going
And I’ve had enough
I’m sorry for the inconvenience
Of my emancipation
Though, you have to admit
I’ve been so damn patient
But I’ve realized a circle
Is the shape of this track
I assumed there’d be progress
Yet, only find lack
If my only purpose,
Is to live as long as you see fit
Then don’t bother firing me
I’m done. I quit.
I didn’t ask for this job
And I don’t intend to see it through
You’re disappointed by that
But the fault lies in you
Some things are made broken
Impossible to mend
 Not all problems can be solved
And I’m one of them
But you knew that, right?
You’re called my creator
Made […]
Death looks pretty attractive right now. The other night I went up into my attic looking for some guns my parents have been hiding. I fell through the attic and busted up my leg pretty good. Needless to say I feel even worse now. The last two days at work I haven’t been able to stop myself from crying. My supervisor gave me an extremely simple straight-forward assignment and I can’t do it. I can’t focus or concentrate on it. I’m stupid and worthless and lazy. I don’t deserve a good career. I don’t even deserve a bad career. I deserve no career. I fuck […]
I am loved and I have done nothing good in life to deserve it
by mike.persson
written by mike.persson
I am new to this site but clearly, spending just a few minutes reviewing posts and the fact that I even landed on this site makes it clear that I have a lot in common with most of the audience here.
My challenge is that most of the posts are about being blamed our being bullied or about others not perceiving you as being good enough etc….. which I cannot identify with. The reason I hate myself and see no reason for being around is that I hate my depressions and my sadness - people looking at my life from the outside would envy the life I have, would envy […]
My story began about 6 months back. I had quit my job at HP and was preparing for some competitive exams. One day I noticed a text from my old friend. She used to be so nice to me in college and I did her a lot of favors. She was a noob with computers so I helped her out a lot in those days. Â This was back when we were in college and well, that was about 2 years ago. Â All this time, I had only thought of her as a friend but seeing her text after all those days. created a sort of […]
I’m a 17 year old girl, and I’m still alive. I suppose I should start off with the positives.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression a year and a half ago, and most of my friends know. I don’t have the energy to do any work at home, and at college I can’t concentrate and just keep having to go to the toilets and cry. I’m going to fail all my exams, I’ve accepted that, and for the moment I’m just trying to concentrate on staying alive. I want to drop out and get a job, but I would keep breaking down and crying there too […]
I’ve never been one for expressing my feelings. But in the past two years i have seen two of my closest friends pass one from an o.d and the other from a gang beating. No one was arrested for the beating and were all free. I haven’t been able to let a day go by without wishing i was them. I have thoughts of my finally moments in my head everyday now. I am bullied at schhool teased and not aloud to make my own choices. My life is run by other people and when ever i try to talk about my problems all my […]