I wish i could be a good daughter. I have just troubled my parents. they both are old and sick, and i do nothing for them. if my mom cries before me, i cant wipe her tears i cant even talk to her nicely. I always yell at her and my dad. my dad’s sick too but i never lend him a hand at anything. i cant get myself to do that. ill sit in my room and keep thinking i should be doing it but i cant get myself up to do it. still they are very nice they never say anything bad to […]
im on risperdol was perscribed it for anxiety fiirst couple daya on it havent noticed significant effects yet ..its used to treat schizophrenia which i think i may have. im hoping it.will take the edge off at.least of my paranoid thoughts.and anxiety.. hasase tried this drug? all my life.id had these abnormal fears and thoughts for example i still am.unable to finish high school do to my social fears. i have one friend who i can barely open up to unless im drunk
i have an alcohol problem already at 18. i am.very sensitive and the smallest comments.can upset . […]
I wish I could live life normally.
I wish I could be happy.
I wish I could smile.
I wish I could go out with my friends.
I wish I could talk on the phone.
I wish I could go to the store.
I wish I could have a job.
I wish I could go to college.
I wish doing those things wouldn’t be so hard
I wish that doing those things wouldn’t make me so overwhelmed.
I wish that doing those things wouldn’t make me want to die.
I wish I could live. I wish I could be ‘normal’.
I wish you could understand.
I wish I wasn’t all alone.
I hope I will be ok.
I hope things […]
My name’s Brittany.
And my life’s just a mess.
I deal with depression and anxiety, and I’m here at 2:20 in the morning because I also suffer from insomnia which all three extremely suck.
I’m a drop out. School’s too much to handle for me. It stresses me out.
I stay home and do nothing. I don’t have a job or anything. My mother hates it and if I don’t do anything she’s kicking me out in 14 days.
Honestly, I don’t have much friends. So I have no where to go.
I do have a boyfriend, but he’s gone until June.
I’m just feeling alone, […]
I thought my husband was over his porn addiction and just didn’t want to have sex with me. But I discovered that he is not, and the fact that he masturbates regularly at work is the reason.
Why are we even married if a computer screen and his hand can do the job just fine? What am I here for? The dishes, finances, and laundry.
Fuck that. He can get along by himself just fine. He shows no interest in me sexually, he lies to me, and on the days he does come home and have sex with me it’s after he views these images […]
This is me.
This is how I feel, how I am.
Yet, when I put this as my facebook pic nowhere close to halloween…
No one asked why.
No one understood.
In fact, I got a few likes..as if people would appreciate me dying.
Currently in pain from physically fighting my ex boyfriend yesterday. My whole body hurts and it’s kindve hard to breathe.
I sit here in pain and still cant help to think that emotional pain is so much worse. Like I’d rather cut my skin than experience more of this emotional hell. Now I dont […]
I work in a restaurant.
I am constantly surrounded by knives.
God, it’s so damn tempting.
Music is what stops me from cutting…but I can’t really have my headphones in, and I can’t blast death metal in a family restaurant for some reason.
So what am I supposed to do?
It’s so hard not to pick up a steak knife and cut my wrist up.
The only reason I haven’t is thanks to my boss.
My boss is my neighbour, family friend, and my boyfriends father.
I don’t want him to be ashamed of me, because he’s the reason I have my job.
But it’s hard…sometimes I wonder if the urge to cut […]
It all hit me. I was at coffee with my friend, and all of the sudden it all hit me – the depression, the urge to kill myself, for all of this to end.
I have no purpose, I see no tomorrow, I see no future. I just want to die, so fucking badly.
I’m living but I don’t feel like I am. I just want to fucking die! Why can’t I? Why can’t some car hit me and I’d die? Why can’t something happen and my life would end? I have no purpose. I feel like a puppet doing stuff only because I am told I […]
So, here it goes: I’m a failure. I didn’t pass one freaking exam this semester.
Consequence: I get my money cut off. So now I won’t have money for cigarettes, coffee, an occasional night out – pretty much all the little things that were keeping me alive.
I can’t kill myself yet. My mom is not strong enough to be able to take it yet. So that will have to wait for a little bit – no matter how much I wish I could do it now.
Solution: Get a Job. So I’m leaving in a little bit to try and go get job at the casino – […]
Today I recall all the times I felt how it all would spin out of control. In my teens it was my grades, my friends, my home life. Nowadays it’s cash flow, job retention and paying the bills.
Today, I found out my wife is carrying a daughter.
I have never wanted to be alive as much as I do today and tomorrow and the day after that.
My wedding day was nice.  But today is the first day my life has felt sweet.
I wish you all feel this. It’s worth the struggle to get here.
The only advice I hear from my mother. I guess its my fault that I feel like this all the time, since 12 years of drug therapy and talk therapy had no effect on me. So my mom’s words have some logic to it.
I keep telling myself that I wasn’t meant to live this long, that I was destined for death a long time ago but got passed up somehow. I never had plans for a future where I aimed to have my own family, a job, and a house with a “white picket fence”. I was supposed to be dead, a distant memory for […]
when I go to ask for help I get too scared of being sent away and everyone’s judgement. what if they all think i’m crazy or insane or something,
My brother tries to talk to me when I’m crying and it just makes it worse and i just want to punch him in the face.
the man i looked up too, my grand father, passed. mt dad lost his job so now we have no money. my grades keep dropping, I’m cutting more and more.
I’m scared and helpless, I want help and a friend. I have tons of “friends” but none that are actually there for me. My […]
Still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I wish I had never grown up. I’m lost and not sure I want to be found. It feels like I just exist. It doesn’t feel like I’m meant to do anything great, or really anything at all. I hate my job. I hate where I live, how I live. I hate who I’ve become, and who I’ve not become. I used to have hopes and dreams but now I just like to sleep and let my dreams take me away from reality. I don’t think killing myself is the answer though I […]
I’ve lost a job I loved. And I need to to pay this month’s rent and the next and etc. And I can’t fathom any of this because before all of this I was the suicidal girl and that never changed, though the circumstances that effected my life did. But how can I begin to start again when all I want more than anything is death? I have interests, but the only driving force that really exists within me is anything that gets me closer to death. This is my secret that I can’t tell anyone. Until my eventual suicide says it all.
found out the greatest news today from my friend. My bf, whom i havent seen since monday, isn’t coming back to school. Fucking Awesome. we’ve been together a little over 2 months and i was looking forward to a lot longer than that. She said it like it was nothing, and i was internally getting pissed off, which led to numbness and everyone thought i was pissed, becuase thats what my facial expression was. He got some kind of job and i don’t know how to deal with this. Things were finally getting better and I felt the world wasn’t constantly conspiring agaisnt me now, […]
I’ve decided to go to work today. I haven’t been there since Tuesday. I woke up today so sore and stiff that it took me 15 minutes to pry myself out of bed. My head hurts, and once again I was unable to eat anything. That makes it two days without a decent meal..
I feel my anxiety kicking in. Although I’ve worked there for over a year. I know my staff very well, and I get along with each and every one of them. I have multiple repeat customers that I am able to talk to. Life, and weather, and entertainment. I like my job. […]
I’m a single mom and my whole world has collapsed around me. Â I was laid off from work and cannot find another job. Â The bank foreclosed on my home. Â My only vehicle broke down and was towed to an impound lot. Â My mother passed away and I couldn’t afford to go to her funeral – my own mother’s funeral. Â I’ll NEVER forgive myself!
I have no money at all…none! Â I can’t even get myself to the food pantry without a car. Â On top of everything else, Â I caught the flu, my washer machine flooded my home, the microwave started on fire, the garage door broke and […]
I haven’t been on here for a really long time.
I thought thing’s were bound to get better. I am getting so sick and tired of people telling me what they think they should do, when in reality, they don’t even know what the hell is going on. I was late to school today, because my uncle was giving a speech about respecting my parents. I know that this is necessary. I’m not stupid and I’m not a bad child. I just don’t complain to the world like my parents do (well, except for this). No one know’s what goes on inside my head or behind […]
So, I’m not entirely sure what I hope to gain from this, maybe closure? I don’t know. Not even sure how this would give me closure, or what I need it for…
If I had to describe a depressed person, I doubt I would use me. Someone with a job, caring family, good friends, hobbies. Hell even my dog is great. Yet there is just all the small things. My job is lacking, and kinda crappy. My family… for lack of a better phrase, doesn’t understand me. My friends are funny, good to be around, but I wouldn’t say that any bonds are really there. It […]
Things keep on getting worse for me, I really… I really just want to die, and I don’t see anything for me in this life. I really don’t, I don’t see anything happening for me… I know if I go to jump right now, off my 14th floor balcony there will be no one to stop me… I guess the main reason why I haven’t done it yet, because I want to feel needed or wanted, or maybe a reason to live for and I don’t have any reason to live for. Â I just want to die badly, I really do. I can’t have a […]