i made paper cut outs today. i laminated them afterwards, and went to cut off the excess plastic. i was in the middle of carefully cutting around the paper, when the overwhelming urge to cut up all of my hair, my skin, and my clothes came over me. nothing triggered it. just an intrusive thought. why do they have to happen, though? my mind is already so cluttered, why does my brain create more mess for me to wade through? i’ve avoided cooking for a very long time because of it.. i can’t even dice vegetables without an intrusive thought telling me to stab myself […]
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journal
Once in a while my cousin would visit. She was one of the only people outside my immediate family thay still talked to me. Turned out, everytime she came to visit, she was just stealing my makeup. At first I thought maybe I was misplacing things, but then I realized everytime she went home I’d notice something else missing. When I confronted her about it, she didn’t try to deny it. She just up and left our house.
My ex texted me about 2 months ago. He was complaining about how he’s alone and can’t find anyone he wants to date. As soon as I […]
A while back, maybe a couple months ago, I learned that my younger brother has had suicidal thoughts. He doesn’t know I know that. I found a few discarded journal pages lying around while cleaning up the spare room I’m staying in. I don’t know if this is a current thing or not but it scares the hell out of me. Not even for the obvious reason of him harming himself in any way, because I’m almost positive he wouldn’t. It’s because now I don’t know how badly it would affect everyone when I do finally kill myself, and the last thing I want in […]
According to my mother, I “ruin everything” and I knit pick, which must be why my boyfriend left me.
The first comment, she made yesterday when I didn’t want to wrap my grandma’s birthday presents. I didn’t see the point in wrapping them since my grandma was sitting 2 feet from me at the time and she’d already briefly looked at them. Not to mention, I felt like shit, which is a given because i always feel like shit. So that made me “a ruiner”.
Then today, me and my mom were walking down the street and I told her that we had to cross to […]
Well hey lovely people of suicide Project. I haven’t been here in awhile if you have noticed if any of you know who I am.
So awhile back I made a post about I Dye my hair. Its my self distraction from self harm. People seemed to like that so I think I’m going to make a journal hopefully everyday or maybe a cpl days or once a week in not sure yet. But I’m here for all of you. I wont judge because everyone needs a friend and you shouldn’t feel alone. So if I make a journal for you guys it’ll be self distractions […]
I am a person who needs a lot of guidece.
I’m reading a book by Gandhi.
I’m reading a red letter edition of the NIV Bible.
I’m keeping a journal and I write whatever comes to my mind and tear out what I don’t like.
I often just nod or shake my head when I’m asked a question.
I’ve been writing like a kind of journal about how i feel and how its this pain killing me inside, and how hard is to hate yourself and have to deal with it just because you were born that way, and how difficult is to struggle waking up every morning when yesterday night you fell asleep crying and overthinking about how stupid and ugly and how much you wanna die, but there you are living again even when you haven’t ask for it, people judge because the way i feel, i didn’t ask for pain, who would actually think that i asked to hate myself […]
“I’m drowning
Suffocating
Being crushed
So deep
Alone………So empty
It’s dark
I’m scared
I’m sinking
Will I die if I touch the bottom?
I’m drowning
I fear
dying this way
but the surface is so far above
how much strength do i have left?
Can I reach it?
Is that heaven?
or is it just a breathe of fresh air
before my heart gives out
and i sink back
into the sea
save me
Is there anyone out there?
But who can hear the cries
of a man with no voice
for i am in the depths
and my voice lies far above
will someone […]
I’ll be using SP as my dream journal as long as I’m having these horrible nightmares.
I dream about that day. The day he died. I have been dreaming about it mostly every time I go to sleep. This was one reason I refused to sleep for weeks. I didn’t want to sleep because I was afraid of seeing him in my dreams. Afraid of losing him over and over again. In my dreams is where he is alive. I wake up to the reality that he is gone. That’s what hurts more than anything. Each time, he dies. I try to save him somehow, but […]
Hello, this is my first times me and I’m glad I found you. I can relate to so many people here after reading their post.
its 2:22am and its one of those nights where my pain won’t let me sleep and my mind is racing.
i recently left my job because I was taken for granted. I did so much there and it all went unnoticed. I am fincailly stuck! I attempted to open up a store on etsy making bday banners. To be honest I feel like it’s a completely waste of time. Nothing seems to go right, it takes me so long to do one […]
So, I will maybe make a journal to force me stop eating until death.
Next month, I will be completely alone in the flat for 2 months, so it would be easy to let me die. It’s ideal.
I hope I will become very weak, and the death will be sweet.
I tried some times, but there have been things that made me consider that hope in my life was still possible. I was wrong everytime.
I have no money, because unemployed, and the social help stopped, and I won’t ask them another help, I have one month, and I won’t be tempted to buy food, because I have no […]
Im back to where I started this time in front of my parents I bit myself as hard as I could in front of them. They said I need help but my whole family does. I just got in a relationship with a girl I have been dying to be with. And now my mother treats our relationship like its her messed up marriage saying I give her too much attention and soon she will get tired of me and not love me anymore. She even had the audacity to go to my girlfriend and tell her “Dont distract him from what he needs to […]
I told myself I wasn’t going to post here until I started my short story, but I found an old journal of mine and felt like I should post anyway. I was flipping through it and I was kind of startled at how much I wanted to die. Not because I’m better, but because I have made absolutely no progress. If anything, I’ve gotten worse. I’m more isolated now. I feel things less. I’ve lost any bit of hope I had before.
Damn, usually when I see these types of things, people always say how much better they are, and I’m jealous. I don’t want to […]
For those of you that know Mike (snuf, snuffles, stabbymike, stabbylufagus), I am creating a gift for him and I could really use your help. It is a journal with entries from you here on SP. I have emailed many of you (and have several responses…thank you!) but some members I just could not get the email for. Mike knows a gift is being made (just not what it is) so lets hope he isn’t lurking these days! :p (and if u do read this Mike let me know lol)
Please email me at thewhispersofmysins at hotmail dot com
I know it is easy to […]
For those of you who were moved by the plight of orphaner-coolscar… don’t be.
written by Frank Einstein
The 13 Year Old Girls Who Cried “suicide”
On this thread about 13 year old girls who cry wolf about suicide, a couple of links were posted by Koji about a former member of this site – a 15 year old girl who supposedly killed herself at the beginning of this year – eloquently describing why we should never judge what’s going on in the minds of some of the teenage attention whores who post on this website trying to solicit sympathy.
The links show the moving final post of orphaner-coolscar as she described her last night and suicide method in detail, followed by a heartfelt […]
I think I’ve come to terms with suicide. I know that it will be the way I die, but not the method. I do know that I want to buy a nice big leather and metal Grimiore to write down all my thoughts, I suppose like a journal. Then when the time comes I won’t need to write a note, I can just clutch my grimiore on the way out. I see suicide as a perfect way to die, surely some call those who have succeeded in their suicide attempts cowards though they are not. I know the immense courage that it would take to […]
Just sinking so low. I haven’t written in my journal (which I’ve kept since I was 15) since that night. that fact in itself scares me. I don’t want death, I’m certain of it, not when my head is clear. But I just urt so bad, nearly every morning I wake up and brace myself for the wave of misery, hope it’ll be over fast and won’t keep welling up on and off all day.
I am… no nice way to put it, I am a failure. I’ll be 29 tomorrow. I ave never been able to have a relationship in my life: just the […]
people say that writing about how upset i am would help. but it doesn’t help because my dad finds my journal and reads them. i haven’t written down my feelings in over 3 years. i want to write my feelings down. i want help. but my dad just tells me to suck it up. that i’m not really depressed. people say to ask for help. but whats the point of asking for help if nobody listens no matter how loud you are? i have attempted suicide twice. i had to go to the hospital one time. my parents were crying like they actually cared and […]
So I just got this idea in English class that I could write a story thats 365 pages (they’re practically gonna be chapters) and each one is going to be journal entries for each day of the year. But on the very last day of the year, she is going to commit suicide and succeed. This book is going to turn out very well i hope. I might post it page by page on here. Maybe two pages/chapters a day, but that will only happen when I finish the entire book/story thing.
Pat Engebrecht penned this book about her daughter who committed suicide 25 years ago. Her daughter LauraJo, aged 29, was a closet homosexual and had severe long term mental illness diagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder. Mom Pat took a collection of LauraJo’s journal entries and then comments back to her daughter and the reader. From Pat’s vantage parents are erroneously blamed for their children’s troubles and this is wrong. Pat wants other parents, grappling with guilt over their mentally ill children, to realize, as she does, that they are not the problem.
For sale:Â https://www.createspace.com/3605803
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