This feel like giving up I am in my late 30’s no wife or kid’s no career . I gave up on love then I fond the girl of my dreams every thing I always wanted . It was like finding a female me . Tells me she never going anywhere and were going to have a life together then she dumps me because of a mistake form past and a dream that I would hurt her. Tells me she had to many issues to be in a relationship . Then only to find out she started dating a buddy . That put me in […]
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kid
The most beautiful thing happened when i logged in to write here. The check-mark on the login page said, ‘remember me’. What a wonderful thought indeed, made me smile. I don’t know why i chose to write here, why go through the process of registering and then confirming, checking email for new password and writing now. But anyways am here, let’s make the most of it..
Today is one of my darkest days. Three months back if anyone would have spoken of ending their lives I would have dissuaded them fervently. But bearing the same suicidal thought tonight, I somehow feel at ease with myself. Life […]
Nothing that out of the usual I guess, but today I swear to god was the worst I’ve had in a long fuckin’ while. If you are a parent and think it’s okay to tell your kid who they can and cannot date and how to live their life, then fuck you. Apparently my mother thinks it’s okay to boss me around and bash my decisions in life. WELL FUCK THAT. FUCK HER. FUCK EVERYTHING. If I really wanna smoke, then I’ll fuckin’ smoke. If I wanna date him or her, then I’ll fuckin’ date him or her. YOU WILL NOT TELL ME HOW TO […]
While being depressed, I was working on this prosthetic for a 6 year old kid. It turned out that i won the competition! I was on lots of news coverage. Here’s one of them:
Thanks for the support guys.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxtIAQe8RC8
I just got out of the mental ward two days ago for downing thirty pills.but no one took that seriously so i was only there four days and one day in the er.today i find out that a guy i liked in high school is in the icu on breathing tubes cause he tried to kill himself and odd as it sounds i wish it could have been me.i wish i could be on breathing tubes dying.no one cared about my flawed attempt cause im a regular at the er if i was dying maybe someone would seriously help me but because i make flimsy […]
What if when you die, if you kill yourself, your punishment is to come back worse than now. A starving kid, someone with a horrible debilitating condition. I guess thats true of any way you die.
life is still as sucky as ever. i’ve become an automaton, just moving through the motions of everyday life without any joy. my parents still drinking. tonight they’re so drunk they’ve already fought. my mom is so drunk she doesn’t know what she is talking about. my dad was in the room, and i heard her say “what if we had another little baby?” she is 51 years old, smokes, drinks, has cancer, and is in no health to have a baby (besides the fact that she can’t because she’s in menopause). my dad is so drunk he responded with something accusing her of wanting […]
The title explains who I am. The list of things wrong with me doesn’t stop at the age of 18. -Do nothing every single day my entire life but play video games. -Eat nothing but fast food. -have 0 friends. […]
so my best friend has been really quiet for the past month and i just found out why. a kid in out grade tried to rape her on night. i was shocked when i found out. yeah the kid was kinda weird but rape? i didn’t think it could happen in our small town. to my best friend. i had done all i could trying to make her feel better and tell me what was wrong before i found out. i set up a scavenger hunt in her house for her, i told her that i was there if she ever needed to talk. but […]
it always ends with me hurting myself I have gone weeks with out cutting myself but it always comes back I hate myself I try to do good things for myself go to college classes and work I can’t pretend to be happy I can’t find anything to smile about I love whiskey try to drink a bottle a day i love drugs do them a lot anything to numb myself to forget about my shitty life and escape it for a short while my life is revolved around getting trashed and slashing my body up I get so down and depressed I don’t want […]
It’s time.
I’ve spun around in circles, I’ve tried every known cantrip and trick known to man. I’ve talked with specialists and munched on pills for the better part of a year. The result? A big fat naught.
Nearly twenty years ago a snotty kid at the kindergarden screamed that he’d kill himself, when he got angry. He didn’t not at that time no. Years rolled the kid grew and experienced what can only be described as crippling fear all the way to his teenage years. By then everything had been molten into one gray sheet pulled over the window of life. Suicidal thoughts hung heavy in […]
I am going to commit suicide. I want to. I am a really blessed kid, but I do not like living. Just seems pointless. The issue that is eating at me so much is whether or not to tell my mother and sister beforehand. I think about it as if it were a terminal illness. Would my mother and sister rather me get hit by a bus and hear that I’m dead, and have it hit them like a brick wall? Or would they rather me have a terminal illness, where I only have, say, three months to live? I like to think the latter, […]
I cant sleep. I feel more alive in my dreams then i do in real life. When i wake up i sit and cry before putting on a fake smile and going to school. Im a pretty shy kid, i guess you could call me a nerd. got good grades but there not the best and i spend most of my time reading blocking out the real world. Anyways, back to the sleeping problem. I fall asleep around 12 at night and the problem is i cant stay asleep. i dream, wake up and cry, and go back to sleep. most of my nights are […]
I have been so close to committing suicide the past couple years and I can’t fight anymore.
I suffer from severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD due to a horribly emotional abusive relationship I was trapped in for almost 2 years. I have anger issues. I have separation anxiety. I am plagued with nightmares.
I do not see a chance of happiness in this world.
I live in the shittiest era of the United States I could have possibly been born in. Jobs are hard to come by, and even if you get one, there’s such a lack of interpersonal relationships anymore. It all relies on your ability to […]
For the first time in 7 months, I find myself contemplating how things would be if it had worked the first time. Or the second.
I think people are getting tired of me being that fucking sad all the time.
Worst part is that I am too. I hate myself. I hate being sad. I hate feeling stupid. I hate feeling useless. I hate this fucking anxiety.
I don’t want the world having this picture of me anymore. I don’t want them to think that I’m just looking for attention, or that I’m a poor sad broken kid.
But I can’t stop crying. And it’s been almost two years of crying almost every day. I should be dry by now.
And I keep reading about depressed people being unable to […]
No matter how many people try to argue the contrary, our society and culture thrives on superficiality, the idea that how we look quantifies our objective worth is the most widespread knowledge propagated and perpetuated. I was born with intrinsic ugliness, not quite deformed but my facial features are distinctly warped and exaggerated to the point of being undesirable and to be honest, quite repulsive. Naturally people are drawn to beauty – don’t even try to deny it. People are primarily drawn to celebrities because of their conventional aesthetic superiority to most people, if they have a good personality it is amplified and glorified, giving […]
I’m only 22 but I feel as though it is too late for me to be anything or do anything with my life. I feel that everyone is much smarter than me and that they know something that I don’t. I observe the way my peers interact, the jokes they share and I feel like I can’t get it and I’m just a little kid. I don’t keep up with current events or anything because I hate reading the news and I have no motivation. I wish I could just do a few years over again so I could make myself different.
When I was a kid, there was a popular book called the Big Joke Game; in it, a devil-like creature guided a kid through a life-size board game. This little piece of existentialism affected me. It was probably my first realization that life can be nothing more than a Big Joke, a game that some malevolent creator made to toy with humans. I want out every single day. I feel ashamed, then I am embarrassed that I have spent much of my life thinking about ending that very life. Yet I didn’t ask to be born; why shouldn’t I decide when I die?
Mom had decided to divorce dad right after my sister was born. Didn’t do it, went back and had me, that’s when the fights began. Okay, decided to enter schizophrenia and Dad was too desperate to see the future believing life was so much fun. At 27, with a painless method at hand, I realise they are both being held by their children from dying. So we never had parents. I feel like I’m holding them alive at gunpoint, not fair, since they’re vehemently against it, they don’t even want me to earn, although my not having a job adds to it. So since my […]