This has been the hardest year of my life. To say things have gone south is an understatement. Some good things have happened but the bad far outweighs it. I attempted to commit suicide unsuccessfully earlier this year. Ever since then I’ve had off and on thoughts about attempting it again. The biggest thing that has stopped me is my kids and the thought of who would find my body. The first time was a cry for help. I didn’t succeed because I was sloppy about it. This week though all the feelings have come rushing back. I can’t stop thinking about the fact that […]
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kids
Ten years ago I got married. I married the mother of my first born and felt more optimistic about life than I ever had. I had my family. We had 2 more kids and it was that much better. I worked up to 3 jobs at a time to begin with so my wife could finish school. When she did I became a stay at home dad and went to working just part time. She made great money. With this came her urge to spend it and the infidelity began. Things were rough for a while but then it all got better. Around my 10th […]
I’m still alive. For now, anyway.
My wonderful adventures with DCFS are over-not only did we get the kids home, we blew the lid off some serious corruption in the courts, too. And my asshole in-laws will never, ever be allowed to foster another child. They’ll never see my kids again-we ended up going no contact with my husband’s entire family a little over a year ago, and our lives have gotten progressively better ever since. Amazing how things improve when you stop surrounding yourself with assholes.
I also cut off my relatives. All of them. I finally realized that they’ll never change, and I don’t have […]
I don’t think I can last til Jan, maybe I’ll speed everything up & check out on my bday (nov 29). I am so sick of living with these inconsiderate idiots! She doesn’t even seem to care about her own children! He put them to bed without showers & still in their sweaty, dirty day clothes. He is such a hypocritical, chauvinistic prick, writing rules for all of us to follow, but they don’t apply to him.
They are both downstairs, playing video games & have music up so loud it is amplified in the kids bedrooms! I can’t even be in my own ‘room’ cos […]
I’ve never been on this site before, but I don’t have anyone to talk to.
Currently I’m 34 weeks pregnant and I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. My husband and I are having issues, He’s become harsh and uncaring about issues I’ve been having during this pregnancy. Due to this I feel as though I’m being pushed to break a promise I made 5 years ago. The day I found out I was pregnant with my first I promised I would never cut again.
Lately that’s all I can think about. I fantasize of the feel of a blade against my […]
I’ve always been told that I’m living wrong, I’m doing things wrong, I have the wrong hobbies and interests, hanging out with the wrong friends, being either to shy or to loud, spending my time wrong, treating people wrong. And I have always believed them, my family, my friends, my teachers or whoever I was in contact with. I tried to be like them, like the “cool guys at school” even though it was exactly them who bullied me for years; I tried to befriend them and act like them, because every input I got from anyone was about me being wrong and them being […]
Im laying here in my bed. Wondering what kind of man i really am? I adore my children. I have a great job. My wife is good to me sometimes. Life shoukd be all dandy but its not!! My wife and i have been together for 7 almost 8 yrs. We fight alot and have grown distant, we differ on alot of things one being raising our kids theres her way(spoiling) then theres my way(stearn). Im blamed for being to hard on them because im the only one who is? Im the only one convinced im not a bad father. I fear my kids hate […]
Why are ppl so inconsiderate? ! A prime example of shit that happens to me… I WAS asleep. I was actually having the best sleep I’ve had in 2 weeks. She sends her kids downstairs to be away from her & they play on the xbox. Noe the xbox is right next to my “room”, with just a curtain dividing.
Do of course, kids being kids, they start yelling & making sound effects & the boy kept calling to me, reminding me that I had to show him something. She knows that I cannot shut kids voices out, like she, their mother, can.
So of course I […]
I just realized that I hate myself that I can not forgive myself. That’s not the worst part the worst is that I don’t let myself live life I cage myself up because I am a coward. I am afraid of getting hurt so afraid that I probably ruined a possible new relationship whether it was as friends or as lovers. I push people away I push myself away because I don’t trust anyone around me I don’t even trust myself. Because people have always hurt me and I have always let myself get hurt. It’s so unfair how I can easily love and forgive […]
As the title says, I have set the date. I am so very very tired.
I have moved with my friend & her kids into her boyfriend’s house & its not a picnic. I basically live in the garage since its a 3 bed house & her 2 kids have finally got their own room.
I keep saying ‘it’s a roof over my head’ & ‘I could be on the street’. But I think I might prefer anywhere else but here.
He wakes up at 5am to go to work, so everyone is awake, including me who gets woken by the garage door. Mind you, I have a […]
Is it possible for someone to never be happy? If so then I guess that’s me. I found out this morning that my debilitating autoimmune disease is non responsive to current treatment and will require much more aggressive treatment. To do so will require time off from work I don’t have and a loss of income. I can’t pay my rent as it is… I am drowning in debt and I ruined my eight year relationship with my anger and hatred… I am not eligible for help and have no where to turn anymore. I can’t be the reason my kids are homeless again. I […]
As stupid as it sounds, I thought I would never be bullied.
I know suicide isn’t ever the answer. But it feels like the only option. I can’t live like this anymore. I’ll start from the beginning.
My name is Avolvia, as ugly as it is, I prefer Ava. I’ve always liked my name before I came to live in Mississippi. Before I came here, I lived alone. A runaway that no one looked for or cared for. I wandered everywhere and eventually ended up in the house of a nice old woman who I consider family to me. She took care of […]
I know that one day, you will leave me. I dream of you every night. I used to have normal dreams, but now they turned into the most morbid dreams that you could ever imagine. Why won’t this leave me alone? Why cant this leave me alone. I wake up not knowing what to think. What to think of you. What to think of “my life”. “Our life”. Our poor kids. That’s the only thing that keeps me holding on. That and the fact that I’m to ***** to do it. My whole Family hates me. Cast me off. No friends left, no home left. I […]
I haven’t been able to stop the tears from rolling today. Driving out to pick up my kids I almost slammed into a semi full of fuel but didn’t and then had a second chance to pull right out in front of one doing 70mph. I’m sure that would’ve done the trick and it would have been an accident so my kids would still get the life insurance. But I hadn’t seen my babies for a week and I couldn’t leave them without one last hug and kiss goodbye. Today I confided in the guy that seems to be the root of my demons only […]
I’m old, sick, and alone and I’m going to do it very soon because I found out that I happen to have the right combination of pills to take with alcohol. I’ve had a hard life but all you kids who are thinking of doing it need to realize that you will go through life and have hard times and good times. Things do get better until you are old, sick, and alone. That’s when you have the moral right to do away with yourself! I’ve been homeless in my 50s and still didn’t do it then. My ex husband tried to get me to […]
I’ve decided to live so what do I do next? I got the closest to succeeding that I ever have. And maybe if he hadn’t knocked on the door I would have fixed my initial error and went. It scared me though and I feel ashamed of myself as I always do. I can’t leave my kids like that.
Since I have decided that suicide is not an option I feel even more trapped than I did. These cycles are killing me. It’s like being rolled downhill in a tractor tire.
If […]
every time my family talk behind my back,it realy hurt so much,
for a long time even now my famil help me,they support me to….
everyone tinks they are lovely,so do i,i can never except that they have talk behind my back… I cannot let them go..
i used to be a huge cheater,i am a big disgrace,i have had sex with many women,many relationship in my 50 pluss year…of my life,,, i have 3 children,my youngest is 16,
my ex wife an i raised our kids for many years,she wouldn’t give me sex anymore,one day i get angry at her, she takes the kids,but i still get […]
We just had a 6.0 earthquake-holy fuck!Very disturbing…whole house shook side to side for several seconds.VERY loud…..I dragged my kids out of bed.We are waiting for aftershocks….
Since October 2012 I have been living in a nightmare. I was engaged, with 2 children living in a nice house with a good job. Then I made a mistake and I lost it all. I lost the job and then family within the space of 7 days.
I had regular access to my kids until Christmas 2012 when after an argument my ex decided I shouldn’t see my kids. I missed my daughters 1st Christmas, so on the 31st I decided to kill myself. I drove to the cemetery near where I grew up and I took 90 Amitriptyline hydrochloride with a bottle of vodka. I waited […]
Why is it that society believes that the boys & girls with scars on their wrists are lower than the girls who wear tank tops & have perfect hair? Where ever morning instead of putting makeup on they paint a smile in sharpie? Not every child gets the advantage to have the perfect family , an I love you every morning or a little note from mommy in their lunch boxes. Society lives off of pain , standards are higher than gas prices . Everyday another boy or girl kills themselves or self harms. We got peeople yelling for help? But society labels them as […]