I am so sick of people thinking I know of what i want to do but that isn’t the only thing. I wish he would get that through his god damn thick skull. I lost all interest and passion in broadcasting. It was fun and interesting 7 years ago but this semester ruined it for me in a radio class I took. All I wanna do is be an artist be able to express myself through my art work and make a living out of it. But the chances of that are slim… The argument got so nasty last night by the end of the […]
Tag:
last
Well, it’s not getting any easier. Everyday seems to be more and more challenging. I think I’m at the end of my rope. Everyone just keeps saying time with heal everything, and it’s becoming a very annoying phrase to hear. Everyday I question my existence. I’ve wrote my not last week while at work. I’m leaving it in my box for access when I’m gone. I want to scream out for help so bad, but I know I can’t. It seems like a act for attention to most people. I’ve really only told one person that I considering it. And once again, I get told […]
My whole life I’ve known that there is something wrong with me, and ever since I’ve been old enough to be self-aware I’ve done a lot to make myself better. You kind of have to, yeah? In some ways it’s almost effortless. When you suffer intensely you have nothing to do but search for a way out, even if you’re just laying in bed, trying to figure everything out.
It’s this feeling of real loneliness, and an intense fear of being alone. It’s killing me. I’m in my mid-twenties and I feel like I’m at least middle-aged. I’ve fallen in love a few times but it […]
In the very near future I’ll be diving into nothingness. The last five years have been a misery for me; with so much potential I became a– nothing. Every year gave me a new thing to worry about. I’m sick of this. So, my plan to completely runaway and live in the ‘nowhere’ will be in full force soon. Goodbye all.
So last week I went over to my soon to be ex-wife’s apartment to get my belongings. First time I talked to her in over a year. After trash talking me for the last year, to my surprise she was sweet as could be. And then to top things off, when I went over to pick up my son for a visit on Sunday, she came up to the car to give me a book (about God) she bought me.
She said she forgives me and only wants the best for me. She said she’s sorry things didn’t work out (which I thought was strange phrasing […]
Why do we even try? Before we were born, nothing existed to us, and when we die, we’ll return to the same non-existent state where nothing will matter to us anymore because, well, we just won’t “be”. Soon, our accomplishments and memories will fade within the skies and the soil, and sure, some of us may be remembered, but even then, does it really last that long? Is it worth doing anything if it’ll all crumble? Honestly, it’s complicated…
God is boring . boring God . why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ? why God is boring ?
by niki
written by niki
God is boring . boring God .
why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ?
why God is boring ?
I hate this world . I hate this life . I hate life .
This world is so boring , boring world !
This life is so boring , boring life ! life is boring .
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, […]
That’s all I have ever wanted to be; a faithful wife. Sadly, having had you in my life, this will never happen. The only desire in my heart for my entire life has been to simply devote myself completely to someone else and now I know that this will never happen. The depression and anxiety have been eating me alive for years but I hung on with the hope that I would eventually fulfill my dream. Now that this can’t happen, I struggle to even get out of bed in the morning. Oh, I have also since developed bulimia and attempted suicide (though the last […]
A post from an old newbie?? Musings from someone who has been here a while and is looking for a chance to get involved in this community………………………
by Lost26
written by Lost26
Hello SP community!!!! How is everyone doing today?? I hope you all are as well as can be expected……….. I know that those of us that even come to a site like this are not in the best Mental Health and if you are anything like me you really don’t have too many (or maybe none???? I know I fall into such a category…..) good days. But I can wish it for you and perhaps something can come along and make the day a little more tolerable and a light of hope-if nothing but a spark-can help you make it through one more day. So, […]
And that’s being a fucking failure. I failed this semester. Couldn’t graduate. My parents won’t talk to me… even though I left them messages saying I felt awful and suicidal. I don’t have any friends, they’re really all I have. If they don’t give a fuck about me, who do I have? I bought a ton of dope last night, with intention to overdose and die. I was so fucking close. I woke up on my floor all disorientated, my limbs all numb because of the way I was laying on them for so long when I passed out… I FAILED AGAIN!!! I can’t even […]
Well, I guess it’s time for my story. I have made some posts but I guess it’s time to say the real deal.
Ever since I was a kid my mom would spend most of the time at a hospital. I usually stayed with her best friend or someone that took care of me since I was a baby. Such a nice old lady. She was like the grandma I never had. So yeah, I went to a private Christian school and had a few close friends. Well there were times when the security guard would go looking for me telling me my mom was outside […]
Half an hour and I’ll be 25.
Anything could happen tomorrow. Will anyone put some light in my life? I hope so, I’m kind of confident that good things will happen. But I know what happens when you expect too much for your birthday.
Oh, there’s also that… tomorrow will have past a year since the last message I received from my dad. Will he at least let me know that he’s alive? If he does, will he be nice, or just as asshole as he was last year?
I guess I’ll just start from the beginning here… I found this site while looking up suicide information, and I guess you could call this my last resort.
I’m 18 years old, raised under an abusive mother and a father that loved me but never stood up for me and my needs. The last age I can remember not being depressed was probably around 12 years old. I’ve been told by my family and friends that I need to simply choose to be happy, but that simply isn’t working for me. I know I’m sick. I hear voices and have episodes where I forget who I […]
Today makes 11 years since i last saw you. 11 whole years since i walked out of your apartment and got into mom’s car. 11 years since you followed me out to tell me you loved me. 11 years since i last looked at you standing in front of me, 11 years since you loaded a gun and ended our lives. i swear i went with you when you died. who i was back then, that girl that loved life and people. that girl that wasnt full of sadness so deep that it literally radiates out into physical pain. i wonder what i would be […]
I’ve always dealt with suicidal thoughts but over the last month or so they have become omnipresent and overwhelming. I’ve come very close to jumping off a bridge or hanging myself a couple of times in the last couple of weeks, emboldened by alcohol, but I get so fucking chicken shit I haven’t been able to bring it off. I feel like I need to do this but I’m just so afraid of suffering EVEN MORE. I’m afraid of the same thing that is appealing about it all to me…the FINALITY of it. I’m so exhausted by living like this. I wish I could work […]
I am too worn out. It is almost impossible to even stand up out of bed in the morning. My family has rejected me, and I lost my parents to alcohol. I myself have tried to get sober but can’t deal with the mental stress. My last year was spend with my girlfriend struggling with alcoholism. After putting her through the third rehab and countless nights worrying she cheated on me with someone she met there and ran off. I literally gave her every last drop of life I had left and lost all my friends in the process. I went into deep depression and […]
Really suicidal tonight. I’m so sick of life, of hurting, of empty fuckin promises. Tired of loosing people i love. Its like there’s a black hole where my heart is supposed to be, nno matter what i do i feel nothing but emptiness and pain. though this is only my second, I’m thinking this will be my last post.
goodnight
I’m losing my daughter to her father. Her father who told me he molested her. I tried it to the cops, I’ve even called CPS. but since they can’t prove anything and he is more financially secure than I am he his going to get custody. I lost my job because of all the ccourt dates. My family is leaving state, the only support I have is leaving. I’m a shut in, my neighbors don’t even know I exist. I had a friend but they were killed year before last. I’m going to have no one. I have severe social anxiety couldn’t even call for […]
My first diagnosis–clinical depression–was made shortly after I turned 11 in fifth grade. My first antidepressant was Zoloft when I was starting eighth grade. I’m 34 now. My medication history reads like the shelves of a pharmacy: antidepressants, benzodiazopines, sedatives, and antipsychotics galore. When I was 25, a doctor pinned down the correct main diagnosis, and I learned what stigma among the mentally ill is like. No one likes people with Borderline Personality Disorder, no matter how unlike the stereotype that person is.
I had two periods of time when I thought I had healed. One was last summer until […]
My essence, my essence, oh, eureka . . .
Hurl me, only my good friend knows
I lost or made one tonight
Whoa, but last night
I ate real quick and left
My essence, my essence, oh, eureka . . .
Rolling, my bike
Oh, Eureka
Where are you going
Zodiac, inside
Pegasus versus
To the other side
Totem, I chant to the sky
Hear me, heed, warrior