I hate how if you don’t go to college, society deems you an “idiot” or a “failure” in life. I tried college, but it just hasn’t worked for me. It’s too fucking depressing. Everyone that I knew in high school seems to be in college, all giddy with their friends and entertaining lives. I have nowhere to go but into the limited career world that I’ve been bred into, and I’m not expecting much. I can’t do anything for long, because I become bored and just want to sleep and never wake up. Therapy is going pretty poorly. My last meeting with my therapist was […]
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I have been cutting for two years. My parents found out last may. Seemed like they didnt cre. I stopped for my friend becaus he askdd me to stop or he would tell my principle. I stopped. I have been feeling like cutting again. I wanna see the blood running down my arm mimicking my pain.
I was started on lithium and gabapentin I’m the psych ward and have had crazy shakiness ever since. I’m also on Zoloft, seraquel and trazadone. I stopped the lithium and gab cold turkey about a week ago but still have the shakes. Makes me want to blow my head off. I didn’t take seraquel last night to see if it helps but I wasnt able to sleep but 1&1/2. Anybody else have this problem? What do I do? Feel like I’m going crazy… again
Bubbling Boiling , deep inside.
Waiting praying, to see the light.
Whispered nightmares, a tale within.
One bloodied mess, one last sin.
There’s only one way, to kill that cretin.
Death of it’s master, one way to be beaten.
Let it out, or make them pay.
A sacrifice surely, one i’ll not make.
For we like this realm, Him and I.
So I let him control, my rotted insides.
There’s only one note, I must recall.
I’m that daemon, Which hate’s it all.
He’s my king, as I for Him.
“One bloodied mess, our very last sin”
I have five more days. If I don’t complete the blood oath by then, i’ll lose everything. My wrists are going to […]
The tears can’t stop coming out. I can’t stop hyperventilating.
She’s gone. I’m never going to see her again. And yet, she’s alive and well.
There is no worse feeling. I thought what I’d felt last winter was harsh. But that was nothing.
I’ve lost. I’ve lost so much. Someone help me. Someone please fucking help me.
I think it’s time to go and die. well I had good times in this life but my last 2 years were like hell and I just want to die and release all the pressure that I feel . I know this is the wrong choice but the only one. actually I want to suicide just to tell them my pain I don’t want to die. wish me good luck and I love you all and thank you very much
Hi. It’s me again…
It’s been a few months… I’m officially sixteen woo! (anyone else sense sarcasm there?)
I found myself thinking of this place last night, while trying to force myself to sleep some so I thought “Hey, why not?” y’know? So, here I am again.
A lot has happened since last time I logged in, and I know I always seem to say that when I post, but it’s true.
I don’t know exactly how I feel about it, honestly.
So, if I didn’t mention it in my last post, my older brother and his family moved in with us, since they needed a “new” start… It was […]
Hi again all. I apologize to those of you whom I did not reply to on my last post. All of your input was extremely helpful and I am so happy ive joined this site.
Anywho, I want to inquire about the following-
Does anyone else want to leave their body? I feel so over whelmed in this body. I want my consciousness/energy to be released. I want to be everywhere or anywhere at any given time, yet I’m stuck in this vessel of a body. I feel as if if I left this body I’d be so much happier and free. I don’t want to have […]
I sit alone consuming my pain, smothering my true self. I jerk my life into focus, courage deserted. I need time, more time. Want it, need it, time. My moments come, my moments pass still I sit here smothering my true self. Biting my knuckles and bartering for time. The moment of truth, I stand desperate to release myself. Too late the moment, the time is gone. Obliviously it flitted into oblivion. The seconds marched off the brink, toy soldiers grim-faced sinking, falling, failing. At the last moment they look in my eyes, my terror mirrored in theirs. A solider with my face near […]
It’s not only a reminder of how fucked up my life is, it’s also a blow in the face having to talk to those family members who will call me asking me how I’ll celebrate and how many friends I’ve invited and how much fun I’m going to have. They know nothing. And the fact that that hasn’t changed in the last years only shows how much I mean to them. Exactly, pretty much close to not a tiny bit. The only thing I wish for my birthday is that I don’t have one. Just leave me fucking alone and stop pretending you care.
Today’s on fire, the sky is bleeding above me, and I am blistered.
I walk these lines of blasphemy, every day…
And still, like a bad star, I’m falling faster down to him,
He’s the only one who knows, what it is to burn
I feel diseased, ¿Is there no sympathy from the sun?
The sky’s still fire, but I am safe in here, from the world outside.
So tell me, ¿What’s the price to pay for glory?
Vibrations communicating the inner world of my soul
As it reaches out your ear runs towards the door.
Absorbed through the wood of the floor, muted by the rubber of your sole.
Dogs only see the food I have in my hand, but nevering caring when I fail.
Distractions are luxury I can never afford; when I can it’s always an empty shelf.
Let’s go for that walk, take us to remember the past, the place I broke the half filled glass.
Remind me of all those scars, down to every last shard, pick them up to reflect the moonless nights.
How long till I bleed out from a fragment I will […]
Nothing ages the soul faster than unrequited love. It consumes us the way waves would a bottle cast out to sea, with a message never to fall upon adoring eyes. Trapped and drowning in the voluminous expanse it’s easy –and almost expected– for one to give up. To take one last deep breath without the pressure of exhaling.
The choice to take one’s own life isn’t about attention or self mutilation, it’s the serenity that lies in being able to choose your last moment. The final page authored by you that lives on long after your book is closed. In some regard it’s truly the only way […]
I’ve felt, for a couple of years now, the same damn emotions. is that even…its hopeless, I’m not even sure why I joined this site, it’s always the same. no hope.
I feel so alone, hopeless, anguished, crushed, so inadequate, so incompetent, and just so sad….this gut wrenching, soul sucking, back breaking…heart breaking sadness…
and I tried, I truly did as one last fight before I welcome the cold, dark, dead hands of suicide.
Hey again. So most of you guys said to try to talk to my parents and possibly change schools or go to a counselor. Good advice but what I left out was I would talk to my parents, and they really would try to help me as much as possible, but they are the kind of parents who would be super concerned and constantly on my case. They are like that even when I’m just sick. I know some of you might say they might be calmer or understand, but they just don’t know when to let it go. I feel like telling anyone will make […]
Even with my eyes shut tight, I still see it coming now.
I need someone to talk to. I’m apprehensive of calling a suicide hotline, as I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital when I did that half a year ago or so… I sent a message to the staff of one of these suicide hotlines yesterday (you can do that on their website), but it will probably take them a few days to reply.
No, this isn’t the first time I’ve felt my depression tightening its grip at the beginning of a new year… but it is the first time my “post NYE depression” has been […]
For about three years now (I’m 16) I’ve been getting these weird intense horrible physical/mental feelings that occur at random and last for about 10 minutes. I’m not sure exactly but I think it could be a panic/anxiety attack. My mum said she used to get them too but she never really understands me and i asked to see a doctor and she said no. So I thought I’d go to the school nurse about it and she didn’t really tell me anything either. I’ve explained to my friend the feelings before and she was just like no you cant call it a panic attack […]
I hate those assholes. Last spring, all the classmates were supposed to have a beer after critique. Unbeknownst to us, over half of them went to a different place than agreed – just to blow us off. They gave a reason later but it was clearly an excuse. The place we were going to, they said was closed. WELL IT WASN’T. ASSHOLES!
Last spring, some of my friends formed a competition team while I was away for a week. When I’m back – NOPE, SORRY, WE’RE FULL. I blew up at them for blowing me off. I said I suspect they do not ever want me […]
I already have a time, place, and means ready to go. I told myself I didn’t want to make any irreversible decisions without thinking long and hard about them, so I set up a two month moratorium which ends in less than 24 hours. This is it. This post will be my last attempt to gather contrary opinions: convince me not to go through with it, if you think it is more rational for me to stay alive.
I had a decent childhood and I was doing well in school. I was happily married. Then, one day about three years ago, I developed a migraine. It […]
I’m not ok, I’m very far from ok. I’m am more then broken and even more then shattered. I’m don’t feel alive anymore and haven’t for a long time now, many days I have to remind myself that I am still here. My life and life situation is extremely complicated so I will do my best to explain. The worst and most extreme trauma is recent but I’ll save this for last. There are many parts of my life that effects me to this day so I’ll starting from when I was a child to present day and do my best to explain thing simply. […]