Why do we try? One swipe, one, stab, one shot and its over. No more hassles, no more fight, no more struggle. No more isolation, depression, desperation, no more thoughts. Just action, commitment, sacrifice. It would be worth it. I don’t want relief. I know I’ll never get it, why wishful think? I’m beyond relief. Relief is something thats there, yet out of reach. There is only numbness left for me, but even thats a feeling. So nothing would be better than this! Cause what we [at least I] have is worse than nothingness, worse than death! So, why try? When we could be dead […]
Life has been on the skids for some time, but I always gave what mother called”good face”. I had a name, a good reputation, a person people asked advice or leaned on for support. Recently my significant other and i were arguing, (been living together for 10 years). She decided to try some Tough Love and kick me out. She hoped this would shock me into listening to her, and doing what she wanted, and then I would be told I could stay. She called my elderly father, who drove over and proceeded to convince him I was mentally ill and had emotional problems. Meanwhile […]
Within each dark night
Things come alive
Sitting there just out of sight
With a killers drive
Light footsteps following behind
Wherever you may go
That one persons presence
Is always in your mind
That strange someone
You don’t even know
Then your belief in safety misleads you
You’ve wandered out alone
Your trust in mankind betrays you
Now you’ll never make it home
Within his grasps now
He’ll never let you go
No one will ever know how
Your body came to be
Hidden among the bushes
So no one will ever find
A body left for the thrushes
A killers peace of mind
No one will ever know the pain I feel inside..
There’s this girl in the mirror I wonder who she is at times I think I know her and sometimes I wish I did there is a story in her eyes, lullabies, and goodbyes when she’s looking back at me I can tell she’s hurting inside she smiles with all that she has left yet tears are left un-dried and though she’s got so much to say she bottles it up inside if you look past her broken eyes to a shadow no one sees a disguise so you won’t recognize the girl is really me […]
Nothing ages the soul faster than unrequited love. It consumes us the way waves would a bottle cast out to sea, with a message never to fall upon adoring eyes. Trapped and drowning in the voluminous expanse it’s easy –and almost expected– for one to give up. To take one last deep breath without the pressure of exhaling.
The choice to take one’s own life isn’t about attention or self mutilation, it’s the serenity that lies in being able to choose your last moment. The final page authored by you that lives on long after your book is closed. In some regard it’s truly the only way […]
Found out yesterday my father is leaving my mother (with three children). He fell in love with a co-worker half his age, a few years older than me. He just took his clothes and left without telling his children. He want going to tell mom either. My mom finally confronted him….And asked him if what she silently hoping want true was real. He admitted top being in love with someone else and just left. This just happened. Happy 2015. My dad isn’t an abusive alcoholic junkie asshole. He had his problems sure like we all do but […]
Hello, I am death. Aren’t I beautiful? I will cure all your problems in one quick move.
All you need to do is look and see. I am dazzling. Nothing compares to me. Have you tried talking to family, friends? Have you tried medication? Therapists? Have you tried getting your life in order? Have you done all you can but all still fails and you are left with grave regrets. Does your past haunt you? Is it impossible to move on? Is there no hope for the future?
When life is endless pain, and it seems there is no […]
Why is everything always so fucked?! Why am I such a nice guy when everyone is a fuckin dick?! Why do I wear what little heart I somewhat have left on my sleeve for someone to just rip it out step on it stab it shoot it douse it with acid and set it on fire…. I quit…..
Hey SP’ers
I am a huge fan of anime and I wanted to post a brief list of anime that left a mark on me. I wish I could list everything but these are but a few of the classics I have enjoyed:
– Here and now then and there
– Texhnolyze
– Berserk
– Elfen Lied
– Kemono no Souja Erin
– The Twelve Kingdoms
– Shinsekai yori
– Escaflowne
– Blue Gender
– Seirei no Moribito
– Galaxy Express 999
– Argentosoma
– Rurouni Kenshin
– Evangelion
The list could go on and I’m sure I’ll kick myself later for forgetting my critical favorites :'(
Please share any anime you thought made you feel a change or effected you in an unexpected yet hopefully pleasant way 🙂
So, I have two large tattoos on my arm that I fucking hate. One is a pink riot grrl tattoo with a skull and crossbones and the one underneath my arm says “stupid ******”. I already know that I am crazy it runs in my family. I was conceived in a state mental hospital. So I sort of am naturally inclined to fuck up already. which sucks because I am a transgender and I have a stupid ****** tattoo. and I really only got this tattoo out of self harm and too scare the shit out of people who would try to attack me for crossdressing. […]
was the day you left me. It’s been over 3 years. I don’t know what to think. You told me if we were meant to be, it’d happen. I still believe you’re my soul mate, but I don’t know where you are, what you’re doing, how you are, or even if you’re alive. I know you needed to leave, I needed you to leave, but fuck you. You haven’t checked up on me once. I was fine for a while, I’ve gotten used to the fact. I barely remember what it’s like to have you in my life other than you made me the happiest […]
“Because, he said, “I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you – especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous channel, and two hundred miles or so of land some broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapt; and then I’ve a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly. As for you, – you’d forget me.”
I miss you, SRC.
There’s nothing like Christmas to remind me of how little people care anymore. I got no cards or gifts from anyone other than my aunt, whilst everyone else had friends who bought them presents and visited them over the holiday. The friends of my family don’t mention and ignore me completely. For years I’ve suffered with mental illness and the only thing that was keeping me here was my family because I felt they cared and I didn’t want to hurt them with my suicide. Well I don’t have to worry about that anymore, so within the next few days I will make my suicide […]
I don`t know where to start.
I was dating the most wonderful woman for a short 20 months; not long, I know. But the time we spent together is irreplaceable. I already deal with depression and anxiety so when she left me one week before Christmas it just set off a severe downward spiral. I cannot get through the day without drinking copious amounts of alcohol and freezing up when the emotions get too strong. I`ve started self-harming again, I haven`t done this in years. It`s not her fault, this is not just because of a simple breakup but an underlying fact that I have not […]
hey folks, wow, what a crazy, emotional day.sun has gone down,the ex has left, and the anxiety has eased somewhat. we were able to get the big stuff out, and now can cocentrate on the little stuff. the important stuff is safe. how sweet the quiet. how sad the heart.it was good. my son and his girlfriend came and helped. the ex did not bother to tell me that they were coming. totally lost it when i saw him. he was great and really enjoyed having them here. embarrased of course.no self confidence or esteem. basically feeling pretty low. but also relieved. some of the […]
today was a very odd day for me, one of those “subdued excitements” that I don’t recognize and stop before it comes to bite me in the ass. Excitement just leads to catastrophic levels of disappointment for me. I get my hopes up because my mind comes up with these amazing–and yet, impossible–scenarios about what will happen. And they never happen, even the worst of the best! It’s always just flat-out bad shit that happens. Today was primed to go spectacularly in my mind, even though if it had occurred the way it was planned it still probably would have been shitty. But no! It […]
33 yrs old, lost my baby, parent disowned me just becuz i decided to move out at 31, 3 failed engagements, and just when i thought i found the one that i could trust. i let him in and told him my story, he pushed me to therapy, but yet he said it didnt work, i gave up on it after 4 sessions. and now he just left me. he cant stand me being suicidal. hes so scared he rather not be around me. i should have stayed quite. im alone again
I don’t know how to love you anymore. I wish I could have known I was going to fall in love with you when I met you then I would have done you a favor and left you alone. I had the lowest expectations for you FOR US. I thought this would have ended with failure , just a fling of failure that’s all I wanted. But now it just time to say goodbye we’ve given this try and maybe sometimes that’s all that matters. But I’m going so freaking crazy that the word crazy doesn’t even fit the description of how I feel. You […]
I think back to a time of the hopes and dreams I had years ago of who I was going to be and fast forward I feel like I’m nowhere near those dreams. Past betrayals have left me guarded which has left me in a state of not being able to connect to anyone. I internalize everything and in public I laugh and joke as a way to hide and cope. The irony is I work in a profession where I’m surrounded by people everyday and it is my job to help them feel and look better. With each of their smiles I hope that […]
It’s a myriad of words stuck in my mind, none of them feeling appropriate for the situation at hand. I’ve memorized them over and over again, like some monologue that I’m trying to get perfect for when you’re in front of me.
Pacing in the pale dawn of the day, I find myself easily sucking down six cigarettes in the span of two hours. In between puffs and sips from a mug of coffee that gets colder, I try to imagine your reaction. Disappointment? Abandonment of one other soul in your life? God knows–you’ve had enough of that.
“. . .I try never to say goodbye, but […]