I just want to die. Like wouldn’t it be easier? My image of death is black. Like nothing. The end. No more, nothing more. I don’t know. I don’t like this. Life isn’t a choice. Primarily atleast. People make you. Your parents. But death can also be a choice. So why is it taboo? Like wtf is the point of life even..? There are things I love. But if i fade to black none of it would matter anymore.
Idk. I have a lot on my mind and I’m half drunk, I’m sorry. Just some thoughts/diarrhea of the mouth.
Tag:
life
I sang this on a demo album about a million years ago. Day is Done….Peter, Paul and Mary….Raymond, this one’s for you:
I had planned to kill myself last night. I have actually decided to fight.
I think this change has a lot to do with posting to this board. I don’t know why. But posting my story (mostly putting words to my feelings) and seeing other people’s stories (and knowing that others feel how I feel) has made me look at my depression and suicidal thoughts differently. I began to see all my problems with life as a result of my depression rather than being than my problems with life causing my depression. I have decided to seek help (Making an appointment with my doctor tomorrow) and have actually made up […]
It’s all my fault. Literally. There’s this myth that says that before you incarnate you give yourself life circumstances. If so I gave myself the best circumstances I could. And I did jack shit with them. I always want to go back and hit the reset button and the worst thing is that there isn’t a reset button. Life is shitty because I made it shitty and I have to shoulder it and I feel really depressed. Suicide isn’t easy and I want it to be painless and I haven’t found a good way yet and I fall and get up and I have days […]
broken down
all i hear is your voice
no one to care
nobody there
broken down
noise trauma, battered brain
no one to hear, i am rage filled/insane
can’t take anymore
of this cruel ass life
pain, trauma, false guilt, strife
voices viciously attack me day and night
god’s love? surely you jest?
sick ************ putting us to a tormenting test
tired, insane
soon blow out my brain
nice knowing you
glad you could destroy
your own
daughter
This is my final post on here, I thought it would help me. Some of the people on here are really helpful. But I know my decision now. I will go away, in a sense. I have issues befriending people. In the end however they leave, that’s ok though. They are forgiven. So is everyone else who has caused me pain, you are forgiven. I am now at peace, I feel no more pain. I have dreaded posting this, because I felt that maybe hope was somewhere. But certain events today proved to me otherwise. I know that there is no other way. I’ve no […]
If I were to commit suicide heres my note. I don’t want to but nows a perfect time. I have nothing to look forward to and school just ended for the year. I want to start with my parents thank you for ignoring me and taking favor of my sister instead of me and for never being there for me and always yelling at me to make me feel worse. You definitely know how to teach me how to sacrifice all the things I want in life just for your sake and you don’t even know it. Thank you to my sister for discriminating against what […]
It seems like the older i get, the more no one likes me, or want to be around me. I’m always alone and have no one to talk to. But i know it’s my fault
It started when i was like in grade 3 when i was just to afraid to speak to anyone. I would feel like no one wanted to listen to me or i might sound stupid. Then as i got older it gets worse.
When i went to grade 8 it was sad. Because so many people reached out to me saying they wanted to talk to me. They saw i was alone […]
I tried to save myself from me I tried to find ways to find peace I try to find happy bcuz happy won’t find me.
Every reason why I shouldn’t be here has arisen.
Depression has crashed down like icicles.
I will continue to cut all over my body as a signature of All the pain I have and can endure.
In the meantime I promise not to hurt those that hurt me in a way that they would hate themselves to face this too.. I just want peace for myself.
Waking up and Breathing is the hardest. It takes that peace away from me. […]
I’m going to miss the rain. I love rain so much. It’s comforted me many times throughout life. I’ll miss the feel, the sound, the smell, the cool breeze. I wrote a stupid, short, song about rain once in the 5th grade and I still sing it nearly every time it rains.
“I can hear the sound of rain. I can see the beauty of rain. After every rain there’s a rainbow”.
I wish it rained everyday. My two favorite things ever are rain and dogs.
I used to think that I would always be happy… Well that was until my dad died last year in August. Since then I haven’t felt there was a purpose in life, like there is just nothing left anymore… I started doing things that even I felt was not right like planing my death with millions of different ways, but I wasn’t even realising I was doing it… Which really thrightened me, I though I was going mental. I booked an appointment with the doctors as I was so scared of what I would do to myself, they gave me some medication which really helped […]
Nothing that out of the usual I guess, but today I swear to god was the worst I’ve had in a long fuckin’ while. If you are a parent and think it’s okay to tell your kid who they can and cannot date and how to live their life, then fuck you. Apparently my mother thinks it’s okay to boss me around and bash my decisions in life. WELL FUCK THAT. FUCK HER. FUCK EVERYTHING. If I really wanna smoke, then I’ll fuckin’ smoke. If I wanna date him or her, then I’ll fuckin’ date him or her. YOU WILL NOT TELL ME HOW TO […]
I’ve had an okay life, better than some worse than others I guess. Thirteen years of confusion, pain, anxiety, love, depression, loneliness, among many other emotions. Even from the start though I never saw the point in living, my first thought of suicide at the age of four; they weren’t too serious though, I was just wondering I guess. After that I didn’t really think much about suicide for a few years (I’m pretty sure), the next time was probably just occasionally during grades 4, 5 and 6 when I was getting bullied by people at school and persistently beaten up by my brother when […]
I’ve been wanting to die for quite a while now, and It’s not that I’ve lost all my friends, or that I have some illness, traumas or whatever. And that makes me sad. Sad because I want life to never have started, but I have no real reason to want that.
Well, I hate the options of future I have right now. I’m enrolling on engineering, but have disliked it since the first half. I like music quite a lot, and have tried a few instruments, but I came to realise that I don’t have the time to master any instrument and make a living […]
When I was a freshman in high school. I thought graduating would be some type of exciting, overly overwhelming, and a burst of happiness moment. Well looks like I was wrong again, It’s the week of my graduation, my depression is back again, I’m not stable whatsoever financially or emotionally, my relationship w/ my boyfriend is most likely going to crumble within 2 months or so, I’m just very unhappy. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Now I’m here. Typing this bullshit. Fuck.
I cant take it , depression , loneliness , suicidal thoughts , im finally caving in i give up ……hopefully i can go thru with it this time and end this loner life that live with depression
Things hadn’t been going the way they had meant too the past 3 months. I was happy, things were going well and everything was going smoothly in comparison to how I had always felt in life.
suddenly things went to shit.
I lost my job
I lost my girlfriend
I lost my friends
And I damn well nearly lost my sanity with it all…
So here I am, depressed, lonely, lacking anything positive and couldn’t care less if I died tomorrow or not; infact, I sorta hoped I did.
Ahh yes, normality… I welcome you back again and I hope I don’t make the same mistake of getting too happy like I […]
For I am alone in this world,
my life has succumbed to a ball of nothingness and my heart,
Well my cold black heart longs to no longer beat.
My mind sit and ponders over the though of the bitter sweet relief
that death shall bring.
For I am alone in this world,
I have time to sit.
I have time to regret.
I have time to hate.
I have time to become the monster that I stand to be in this moment.
And I have time to wish away my future.
For I am alone in this world.
~ […]
It’s a constant battle up in my head, and I’m tired of people putting me down and calling me stupid for something that they don’t have to deal with themselves.
I have tried to hang in there as long as I could. Waited and waited for the only thing that could save me. But she (and them) chose to let me be. She didn’t find it in her heart to save the man that used to be her entire world. The man who did everything for her (and them) for 5 1/2 years. No, that must have never happened. Our relationship must have never existed. I, therefore, never existed.
It must be a heavy burden to carry. Being the one thing that can save a human life. And yet, when faced with the same choice in […]