I used to ask the god I believe in to put all of my families burdens on myself instead of them. For them to be able to live peaceful happy lives at the cost of my own life. I would never take that back, and I still would say the same today. I can’t complain that my own life is not easy. Maybe it’s really just all of this coming to fruition. My family is happier and more peaceful than I have ever seen them and in this time of happiness I am completely seperate from them all. Miles and miles seperate us locking me […]
Tag:
life
I don’t care about anything anymore. There is no passion left in me. No hope. I used to love reading. I would rapidly devour books. Now I slowly pick through them. I would avidly consume films. Now I get bored and turn off. It all seems hollow.
The world holds no real interest for me. No intrigue. It is empty. Things just …are. There is no purpose to it. No fairness. No intrinsic meaning. Just stars, planets, animals, people, doing what they do. It’s sometimes beautiful, sometimes hideous, but ultimately……empty.
Our civilization is slowly but surely destroying itself, and I don’t even care. We’re on course to […]
Sometimes I’m thinking of catching the train, in a peaceful and pain-free manner of course, just to know what’s after this life. Just to know if I’ll become a ghost that materializes out of thin air, able to see my own coffin and able to see who will visit me. I just want to know who’ll cry, who really cares.
the question i seem to keep coming back to as I try to survive another day imprisoned in my mind, body, house, bed. most days in too much pain physically or emotionally to function but have continued to fight my deepest desires and desperation at times because of ‘family’ even though I rarely see them as I try to spare them of me. literally the only comfort I have is knowing they dont see my pain, and I dont burden them.I cant accept being broken once was just emotionally but now chronic pain has taken my only ability to contribute to community and family or […]
Things I tell myself on a daily basis..
They probably think you’re so stupid
They think you’re a joke
Why are you like this
Why can’t you be something the can be proud of
Why can’t you do anything right
You never fail at disappointing people
You created this whole shit fest of a life that you’re stuck in
Lay down and wither away
Don’t cry.. Do not cry
You’re such a fucking coward
You could never possibly be good enough to be likeable
You have never and will never finish anything because you fail
You will never truly be worth someone’s time
You are nothing..
Rot […]
Funny, she once said to me that I must have an incredible life. She used to listen to me when I rambled on about traveling here and traveling there – she was young and I wore the mask well. Once again I was reminded that people really don’t know – the space between us is too grand. I was a hero to her and a joke to myself – I feared that if we hung out much longer she would see that I was just roadkill. How worldly was I – my well being hung on a thread at the corner of her smile. So […]
I always seem to end up in a melancholy state. No matter what I do I always end up there again. Things only go good for a while then bam. I got to start all over again from the beginning. It seems to happens no matter what I do.
I guess the reason I feel this way is, because I know no one really gives a fuck about anyone else. I’m guilty of this myself and the only reason I act the way I do is because everyone else is doing it, so why not me too then? Why should I be the one that gives […]
I don’t want to die. I don’t. I want a normal, happy life so bad. But I know that I will never have one. I’m 45, divorced, no children, unemployed for 2 years, My career is over. I live with my mom. I’m beyond lonely. Women won’t have anything to do with me. My money is gone. I wake up every morning scared to death. Any hope at salvaging a normal life is gone. I purchased a gun yesterday with the last money I had. God help me!! I’m so scared!!!!!
is there any point in any of us being on this earth all it leads is people going into dispair and depression or hurt. Why do we have to go through this? There is no point in any of this no point in being here, i’ve finally reached my end sad to think really but i could end it without a batter of an eyelash, i don’t care about life anymore if you care to much you’ll just end up hurt. So please leave your comments and tell me whether you think life is worth living anymore
I always ask myself
How could this darker cloud make me stronger now.
I’ll always ask myself
When will this go away?
When will this change?
Oh! I don’t wanna, wanna wait.
All of this pain,
Oh! will it, will it go away?
I ask myself this everyday.
[Chorus:]
I just wanna leave this place behind.
Every time I see your face in mine.
I just wanna leave this place behind.
Every time I see your face in mine.
I sink and drink myself to sleep.
Of course I think I’m a lot stronger now.
I gotta catch myself
To kick this over, make it go away.
When will this change?
Oh! I don’t wanna, wanna wait.
Ohhh! of this pain!
Oh! will it, will it […]
I havent been on here for almost a year, I wish i could say im a better person. The loneliness got so bad I actually decided to force myself to go to school. I lasted several monthes until I got so miserable I went back on independent study. I cant for the life of me understand why im so fucked in the head, in the time at school I actually made some friends. But of course, they slip through my fingers once I went on independent study. I did gain one thing from my time there, i met a girl. A beautiful mexican girl, we […]
I went four months without feeling depressed. The waves started rolling in this past week and now I feel like I’m drowning under water. My chest hurts with the weight of the water and my lungs have filled with the ocean. The life that I had in me is being pulled out like salt dehydrating a body. Before long, I’ll just be another leaf floating in the sea.
… reading about all those people killing (or wanting to) themself makes me everyday sadder… why? why are you doing it? is it possible that there is no way to avoid it? I’m sure there is a way. I don’t even know who those people are… I don’t even know if they really did it… I don’t even know why… but I feel the weight of others decisions on myself… why? Maybe it is because I would save everyone… maybe because I think that it is a waste, a complete waste of hopes and dreams… or maybe because since that day, when I had the […]
do i deserve to live? i took my own childs life away? he couldnt speak, he couldnt say no, he couldnt fight for his life and i took it away from him, i could have had a beautiful 1 year old boy to this day and i still would have been with my girlfriend but now i have fucked that all up and im left alone with nothing no one to love no purpose to live or go on i want my baby back i want to be with him up in heaven. is that so bad?
I’m just a sad song with nothing to say, about a life long wait for a hospital stay. And if you think that I’m wrong, this never meant nothing to you.
At all.
First, I don’t think i’m depressed. I just thought about it and decided that to die at a young age makes sense. I worked as a care worker for 6 months before eventually it got to me. I saw what to expect as I got to the end and I didn’t like it at all. Couple that with nihilistic beliefs and it made sense to me that to take my own life when I was happy and healthy made more sense than waiting for my body to slowly decay.
I don’t know why I haven’t done it yet. I’ve tried spontaneously when I was actually depressed. […]
We are on different sides on the globe. She agreed to let me fly to her place for a few days. After that I learned I’m unloved, as usual.
She’s suicidal and have emotional problems. But she has an interesting life and all sorts of exciting experience. I have nothing.
I’m 25 years old and I’ve never been in a long relationship.
I have a stable 9-6 job. I have a master degree. I have good friends and family. I’ve always been a good student, employee, friend, and daughter. I excel in many areas but romantic life.
Don’t fucking ask me to just focus on other areas in life […]
alone and seen by nobody
she walks silently on the road
with only pain to keep her company.
she gives,
and they take,
as always.
noise comes to assault her
and she trembles,
but she is only here
to be brutalized
no one cares
for her brain.
she grows up to plod along
the sides of roads
every cruel mistake
torturing her mind.
everything set up
to make her blame
and hate
only herself,
the child is not allowed
to be angry
at the man.
she looks for love desperately
but in this world
finds nothing
but more pain.
judgment, rejection
no one can see the pain
behind the rage.
no one.
they leave her
and tell her it is because
she is not good enough
for them.
guilt a-plenty consumes her
but no one sees her
no one at all
and soon […]
I tired of life of my family and I have no one they are never there for me and I’m sick of it I’m always confused and scared to die because of hell… But whats a quick way to die but nothing like stab myself in the gut just quick and easy
Can I stop hurting? Feeling like a shitty human being? Because I don’t live life in the most absolutely best way possible. I don’t want to believe in GOD because I don’t want to feel like shit about myself every single day. Because I sin and I don’t want to change that, and I don’t want to hate myself for not wanting to change it. But either way it goes the truth is I don’t accept myself and I put myself down because the things I do and enjoy are sins. Cursing, drinking, smoking, disliking people, pre marital sex, all these trivial things. Why can’t […]