Okay everyone, it’s my birthday today and I feel like crying. Today’s the day I decided I’d go through with everything and actually commit suicide, but after my last failed attempt, my parents are really keeping an eye on me. Not that they care ofcourse, they just don’t want to go through with all the shame of having to tell everyone their daughter committed suicide. Hah, I’m so tired of everything. I’m tired of pain, I’m tired of not being good enough for my parents, I’m tired of getting bullied, I’m just tired. 15 years is quite a long time. Idk, I’m worthless anyways, everyone […]
Tag:
Long Time
In fact, I’m an introverted person and prone to analyzing everything in my life. I always think over and over again about my mistakes, about what I should do and what I shouildn’t do, I always analyze my life. Sometimes I can’t sleep, because I think too much. I’m shy and I experience lack of self-confidence. I live like a vegetable. I want nothing, I have no goals, I don’t want to do anything. I’m 22 years old and this summer I’ll graduate from the university, but I don’t know what to do with my life…I’m depressed for a long time, I suppose approximately 9 […]
I cut for the first time in a long time.
I was angry and I felt betrayed.
It’s like I couldn’t control anything.
I cut my wrists. The blood looked pretty.
After it was done. It’s like everything was gone.
I started crying. I felt like a failure.
I should stop getting worked up over things out of my control.
I know it’s not my fault. But I can’t stop blaming myself.
Xoxo
I want to do it. One of my friends doesn’t socialize, and sits around playing video games all day. My other friends are self-absorbed and don’t talk to me anymore because they don’t like to listen to me when I have a problem. I hate my job. I can’t go to a bar or party to take my mind off my life because my mother monitors everything about me. She reads my journals, checks my purchases on my bank account, and rifles through my room and computer when I’m not around. She says she has to do this because I don’t open up to her. […]
Hi , so i went to the animal shelter today . I saw soo much cute dog’s and cat’s  , and many of the dog’s we’re sooo happy to see me in a long time . I love this one dog who’s name is Heimlakka he’s a 9 month old dog who’s always happy … i love Heimlakka because he has adorable eyes , if you look into his eyes they make you think … his eyes are sad , dark brown and sentimental . He makes me happy . 🙂
Then there was one cat , i don’t know what his name was , […]
It’s been a hell of a long time since I’ve posted. I doubt anyone’s been active here long enough to remember my story so I’m just going to start from the beginning. But uh, I need some advice, sp.
So basically I’ve had a female best friend (I’m a guy) for a while now and we’re really close, we talk about everything, and she means the world to me, but I like like her. We had a very short fling about a year and a half ago but it hasn’t been until now that we really connected on a deeper level, and she has a lot […]
I had to go to the mental health ward where i stayed but still felt like i was brainwashed into committing but then had an extremely scary dream where i was in a black and white place, no escape, with people with red eyes that told me, ” your going to be here for a long time” so yeah think of the consequences. So talk to me first before committing yourself, im someone you can lean on. I want to be a nurse. i can help
I had an appointment to see my  psychiatrist and my mum was with me, im 15 and my psychiatrist asked my mum about our family history and after some stuff they talked, i don’t know i wasn’t concerntrating but i heard my name and i started to listen, im sitting beside my mum. and my mum said when i was 5 years old i caused her so much stress she took me to a bridge and she was going to throw me off the bridge and kill me because i cause her alot of stress and she couldn’t handle me…. but my dad saw what was […]
So i woke up today , i was actually happy . My mom wasn’t home , she was at the store .. I was home alone ,in a long time . My stepfather , he’s in finland . So i started to listen to some music . I danced , i laughed , i SMILED . I don’t know why , but i was just happy .:)
AAAAND THEN, my mom came home , and the minute she walked in … i turned the music off , closed my door , and stoped smileing .
I’ve listen to three days grace , sentce then , […]
Every doctor pretty much makes it seem as though if you take this medicine, everything will get better. Sadly, that ain’t the truth. I have been taking medicine since I was in 6th grade and look at me. I am STILL depressed and I STILL have a lot of anxiety and anger. Can medicine really help you? No. It can help you a little. It can slightly make you happier and slightly less anxious, but that’s not always the case. When I cry, I can’t stop crying for about an hour. My anxiety gets so bad that I shake to the point that I can’t […]
So…i made a friend. I had started doing better…the black thoughs came less and less. The cutting and thoughts of cutting had completely stopped and for the first time in a long time my skin color was returning to its normal color…it ends today. The depression is back and worse than ever…I cant go through it this time…not again…not alone like before. This is why im back
I am searching for long time a quiet and dignify way to do the “Final Exit†but the more i search the more i get confused and scared about getting things wrong. So i came to the conclusion that people who feel the same way as me and are serious about to go all the way, we need to do the search together, few heads are better than one! I am not looking to start a group therapy, but for a group of people that can get together and support each other in our decision and search how to do things properly. So I leave […]
I never actually thought i would end up like this, i was always so happy. No that is a lie. Now when i think back i notice i ACTED like i was happy but on the inside i had already died a long time ago. I’m not even 16 and i allready want to end my life so badly! And i can’t tell anyone about these feelings these suicidal thoughs because no one kann really understand me. I used to get bullied alot because of my nationality, of how i spoke, how i looked and how i acted. Four years long not a day went […]
Tired of everything!! 4 years ago my life was great had friends a home and finances were good but then parents lost their jobs. Lost my home, my friends and my self respect……. Ever since then I have moved a total of 6 times and each time the reason for moving again is because of the shortage of money. I was kicked out of school because we couldn’t afford it and missed out 2 years of education, now I back at school trying my best and I can cope with any of it, I’m failing at every corner!! One good thing happened to me……..one year […]
I just started dating my REALLY good friend-known each other for almost nine months now- and he lives in Egypt. He’s really sweet, kind, and I absolutely love his smile, but the problem-for us- is we have to date online. My family doesn’t really like it when I do that-date over the internet. Especially my sister.
The things that she doesn’t like? Well, to start off, his age. He’s really turning 20 in May. Saying that, I know everyone is going to care about that the most, just like Tiff-since ALL boys at 19 think of only one thing- but please just let me keep going.
Things […]
If I was given one wish. It wouldn’t be one that could make my life better. I know nothing would make a difference. My one wish is quite simple: that I had never been born. I torment myself with the idea that my being here, as huge of an impact as it has had, was a total fluke. If just one microscopic (literally) thing had gone differently, I wouldn’t have to be here right now.
I hate feeling guilty that on paper I have no right to want to die; I’ve experienced no great trials or tragedy to warrant it. I hate that when I say it out […]
first of all let me say i dont have problems in school im an A student i go to a good christian school even though im not christian .
i do have problems in life i have since i was 8 . the big drama’s started when i was 12/13 im (16)
my mother is a heavy  heroine addict and hasn’t payed attention to me since i was born … when i was 8 i was taken into foster care and moved from place to place till i was 13 where i was put in a residential with 2 to 3 other girls where they decided to […]
I havent been on here in a long time!!! i feel like im missing my family on here! so i have had some horrible stuff happening and i have reached my limits so i cut myself. i had earlier written a post on how to start and ex out the pain of cutting but now i understand. i cant go a day without thinking about cutting and/or cutting. i just feel like i need it. it sucks to look down at my hands and wrists and see the scars. I always blame it on the dogs when someone asks. they are so naive. i honestly […]
i did not die, which I assume a few of you thought since I never ended up getting back on this site until now. Â I was deceived and betrayed.
To make a long story short, I called jackie’s house, she told me she wanted to be best friends with me and that she truly cared about me. Â My parents and jackie’s parents both told me that nothing bad was going to happen, that everything was going to get fixed, that me and jackie would get to be friends again. Â They said the police would not be waiting for me, that I was not going to be […]
I am getting so fucking sick of myself.
Why can´t I ever break this cycle of selfdestruction?