I’ve been trying to find myself for a long time that I completely lost me. I don’t even know what’s my purpose here. I don’t even know if i’m worth living every single shitty day. I’ve been so tired of life, I have given up to my own self. I guess life wasn’t really meant for me. And now i feel so sorry for everyone who would like to trade my life with theirs bc not everyone were safe from death. I am really trying my best to live, even if my mind stops thinking, even if my heart almost stops beating, even if…i had […]
Tag:
Lost
I’ve been reading people’s posts here for about a year and it has helped keep me going. (Thank you all.) I never commented or posted but now I think I’m nearing the end and want to get more involved. I have hit rock bottom. It’s a long story but I lost my job and then I decided to quit all my meds last week because I’m tired of living in a fog. I currently feel incapacitated and I don’t know how I will go on. I live alone and I will run out of money soon. I have enough of a lethal drug to kill […]
Today I lost a friend.
Not even a few hours ago.
I saw him the other day, smiling.
Today, he shot himself.
Today people cried.
But I didn’t.
My thoughts were, maybe now he can smile, maybe now he isn’t in any more pain.
All I know for a fact is… that today, I lost a friend.
I feel so lost in this empty world filled with people. I can’t touch them, it’s like they’re so far away. Yet I stay here. Running around in circles. I sit down, but I cannot cry, because I know noone is there to say “It’s ok”. They’re not real. All fake. Go away..
I think i know whats wrong with me now. Its not that im suicidal. I just dont care about myself or anyone else anymore. I used to be the most talkative person to the point my mother told i talk too much as much as she does. But one thing I can say I’ve learned about people and myself is that for some it takes a lot to change them or for some like the joker says in the dark night it only takes a little push. I myself was to take a lot however letting my current girlfriend deep into my heart was a […]
My boyfriend broke up with me. I finally had the courage to tell him about my struggle with depression, and he broke up with me. There is a line of guys wanting to date me and wait on me hand and foot. How was I lucky enough to fall in love with the one guy who couldn’t love me? I’m devastated.
It took a lot of planning. A lot of planning. There are things I think I’d miss, too. Things I’ll never get to do. But in the end, they say it’s the journey, not the destination. It makes sense, because the journey would be life. And the destination would be death.
So, I guess I should have started this way, but Dear Random People:
It’s so much easier to write a suicide note when you pretend it’s not to the people I’m going to hurt. And honestly, I’m really, really sorry from the bottom of my heart (which will be not be beating soon if all goes as planned). There’s […]
It’s been a very long time since I’ve found myself in such a dark place. My husband of 6 years has betrayed me. When I became aware of this, we talked. As broken as I was, I tried to be level-headed as well as sympathetic to what he was going through that would lead him to do what he did.
The next two days, though difficult beyond words, he did exactly what I needed from him; we communicated, at length. He took responsibility for his actions, and we continued to talk. But then, he suddenly changed his tune. He became cruel. Threatening to hide even […]
Its 2015 Before May my cousin still keeps on doing the same dame things to me I wish he would stop which he did around my he came back but with a girl good god yes his stop I thought. But no when his girl wasnt around he would still do the sexual things but this time he whispered in my ear while he forced me to have sex with him and took my v card but he told me “to bad I stool your v card now no guy would want to go out with you or marry you ” when he […]
Just a few moments ago, I had a dream. In this dream I was in a canyon walking aimlessly, the weather conditions were rain and lightning. I saw another person, I did not know who this individual was. Anyways he was around 100 feet from where I was and he jumped, I did not bother to save him as I was paralyzed by the sight of him jumping off the cliff. When I got to his exact location blood was everywhere, I looked into his wallet I found nothing but a suicide note in the dollar compartment……… I got extremely pissed off to the point […]
This week was total darkness for me. .. Strugling alone. Every body i ask for help just turn there back on me. Now if you know me you will know i ask a question like how are you? and if you react badly like not so good etc. In withdrawal totaly…
2 days ago I did another search on ( yes call it lame) how to die.. F*¢k its difficult to die…
When I saw the post on coping skills from dawg. If he can over come it so can I.. Still have no way out or no reason to see hope, but I do […]
Dreams better than reality? Why Dream is better than reality? Why is Dreams better than reality?
by niki
written by niki
Why Dreams is better than reality?
Why is Dream better than reality?
Why is dreams better than reality? Why dream is better than reality?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality / human’s fantasy is better than reality.
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi / sci fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, MMORPG , Interstellar , The Matrix , Avengers , X-Men , etc etc, they are much more interesting, full […]
What Do I Say Now? PART I
I don’t really know how to go about saying what I need to say to all of the people that I need to say something to. Honestly, how do you say that your sorry for killing yourself to all of those that you love and care about; when it was a truly selfish and self-centered thing to do, but it really was what you wanted at that moment and that you are still somewhat bitter about the fact that it was fucked with and you failed at because someone decided they knew what was in your best interest better […]
A/N: I’m sugar coating this because some points I refuse to go back too.
I was brought into this world, unwilling, unwanted. I have always been told my birth wasn’t planned. I was born with multiple issues with my lungs and heart, and I go to hospital at least twice a year. Since I was little I have had to look after myself and was punished if I didn’t meet my mothers standards “Perfection” everything must be. I was always left home with my drug afflicted father, mother was always “working” my family sees me as a trophy to show off to people and neglect when […]
I’m new to here, so hello… I’ve been feeling down for a while now and alots been going on… I’m sure a lot of you can relate to this poem …
You make me feel so worthless
So depressed and so alone
You make me feel like crying
And cutting deep into the bone
You look at me in solitude
With your evil looking glare
Make me feel so worthless
Like I’m living in despair
I want you to understand
To have some gratitude in there
To feel the emptiness I feel
And the loneliness in the bed we share
Why am I here
What have I done
Will […]
It’s been a long time since I was last here. About a year and half, to be exact. I thought I was really getting better but in the last few months, everything seems to be spiraling down again. I’ve read that it’s therapeutic to write about it, so hopefully this will help me.
In July, my boyfriend of seven months, Alex, broke up with me. He was everything I had wanted in a person and I woke up everyday with an overwhelming amount of happiness that I thought the years of suicidal thoughts and depression were finally leaving my mind.
If only I knew how wrong I […]
I’m just so tired.
I never had that feeling . The need to die. I always cope with things, and pretend everything is okay but it’s not. I’m having a fight with my best friend. Everything in my life is so fake. My friends are fake and i hate my body so much. I have literally no one to talk to. My dad is somewhere around the world with his girlfriend and mom is working all the time. My birthday is coming up this Friday and i feel so depressed and lonely.
Someone wrote here, “i wish i could achieve the peace of death without […]
Everyone tries to make me feel as if I’m crazy.
I can’t even talk to my husband because he looks at me like if I were an idiot.
Every time I try to be happy I end up crying and hating myself more than before I wish I knew what to do. As of this moment all I can remember that kept me sane was being a teen and cutting myself because no one was there to judge or tell me I was crazy. I’ve literally just started cutting myself because I just want this pain and sorry feeling to stop!
I thought we were best of friends, distances between us would never mean anything. We will stay connected forever; and at least pray for each other, as we are not gods to influence each others lives. But you betrayed my friendship only under the assumption that i have betrayed. We could have spoken, instead of just making assumptions. Humans communicate, they react. Only Machines don’t react.
And now, i fear that in my anger, you went too far away from me. You misunderstood my anger as well. Instead of directly confronting me, you shut me down; as if I never existed;
In a snap I become a […]
I’ve been dealing with depression since my teens l’m 30. Last year my husband past away and l have never been so depressed. Now I rarely leave the house and just wish for death. I have attempted suicide 3 times in my life, last year was the last time. I really don’t want to live but don’t want to kill myself but I have days when I don’t think straight and come really close to trying again. I have family I don’t want to hurt but I am so miserable all of the time and maybe it would be better to get it […]