Feels like I’m aimlessly floating. The addictions I can’t seem to beat and the ones I just don’t want to or see the need to leave behind. Tired of not living.. but don’t really feel like I want to ‘live’ anymore. Floating around and around. Moving inside my head. Thoughts telling me that I’m not here, I’m not really here.. Just watching everything pass by. I’m not on any medication or drugs, thank you very much. This is how things are. Music drives me. Tales of adventures and forbidden love. I get lost in other worlds.. I can’t handle this one. It can’t handle me. […]
Hello SP
So I have gotten it into my head that I don’t want to be alone anymore. I have been doing much better lately, I have seeing my friends more and I have been nicer in general to everybody. But it is hard and change isn’t coming easy.
everyday is different, some days I feel like a piece of shit and I feel like I deserve to be alone. Other days I feel like I want to find a girl and make her happy, I feel like I would do anything for them to make them happy.
I guess I can feel change creeping in, now I have thoughts like you should […]
i love him so much.
but why am i such a ***** to him lately?
probably cuz i feel like he dont care anymore
probably cuz my mood swings are hella bad this time the year.
i cant lose him ever. even if sometimes i wish hed just back off.
I DONT MEAN IT! i need him more then anything. i miss the way him and i used to be
yeah we live far apart but maybe thats why. maybe just maybe i need him here. but no arguing with him day after day i think i might have just pushed him away.
devin, im […]
I love you my dearest sunflower! thank you for coming over today and filming my dailey majestic life!
I am just glad that i finally got to see you and give you your christmas gifts!! hope your day was as good as mine 🙂
Depression: don’t want to deal, don’t want to feel. Nothing. Just want it to go away. Feeling. Emotion. Love. I want to push it out of me. Down some rocky shore. Out into an ocean, an abyss anything to swallow this pain, make it gone, disappear. Be dead.
Not living. Not trying to. Just breathing, just beating, just thinking. Hate and anger. At me. I despise myself. I despise this life, this nothing. This pain. Accepted by no one, loved by no one, am no one. Empty. Shallow. Weak. Where is the purpose to live in that?
I’ve put off writing this, because I don’t know what this is. I don’t know what I need to say.. I know that I have many thoughts that aren’t coming out right in my head and I can’t share them outloud because they only nod their heads in response. I knew a guy who committed suicide. I think about him everyday. Wonder if he knew me too. I cry when I think about people growing old. About my family members growing old while I’m away and then when I snap back to reality in 10years… they’ll be dead or no longer who I grew up […]
I left my abusive boyfriend/fiancee of 5 years earlier this month.. My parents practically kidnapped me and sent me out of state with realtives to get away from him.. but hes not a threat anymore.. He’s moved on.. told me the new girl he’s with is much better than I could ever hope to be 🙁 well good for them.. I still love him for some reason and that’s what really gets to me.. I know its truly a shame for her because once this happy stage wears off she’ll see his abusive side.. I’m just so hurt.
My parents want me to start my […]
This is me by the way.
Alright, well my names Michaela.
And I am 18 years old.
I just got out of the hospital on Monday for my depression and suicidal ideations.
I have been begging and pleading for a specific persons help for a long time so i wont have the feeling and urge to kill myself.
But he has been treating me like shit, putting me on the side and making me feel worthless.
I have had it.
He was the only thing […]
To those who are reading this, unlike many people , god has given me everything, it just that i have ruined everything. God gave me caring wife, adorable daughter, decent job, great future potential but………………….it is me who has been destroying my own life …………i have no one else to blame but my ownself. i have destroyed my future and the future of my kid. i have gambled away my life. i feel dead already. cant write more. i have been avoiding killing self many times, partly coz i have been too scared, partly coz of my kid. but i feel my death will be […]
I’m broken and alone. Told my whole life that I’m not worth anything. I know I’m worthless. Not good enough no matter what I do. But I’m so alone. I’ll never be whole.
I can’t be without you so how can I live?
You don’t love me anymore, so it’s my life i’ll give..
i am unable to control my anger towards my husband. Â i love him so much….. but things are sooo worse that i have to give explanations for every small reason………. i dont want to hurt him but my mouth is not in my control….. not at all………….
what makes me to control my anger?
i love my husband but i cant agry for every thing he asks………….. does that mean- i dont love my hus as much as i love myself? or is it just my ego which is making a far distance between us?
pls help me!
I wrote an essay on how to be happy and remain in that state of mind no matter the situations in your life. It basically focuses in changing your mental process. i believe that if we learn how to control our thoughts, we can control our emotions and actions. For example, if you catch yourself having bad thoughts, learn how to replace them by good thoughts. Its a long process but it can help you if you put effort into it and continue to practice it with patience and belief. Some of us have gone through the worst things in life, in fact, depression and […]
Seeing You, I cannot lie… it kills me
IÂ get even more depressed when I see You.
Your beautiful eyes.. dirty blonde hair that always flips to one side..
I think You’re beautiful.. absolutely beautiful..
But that’s what You think about.. Her..
Not me.
Seeing You smile, brightens up my day
yet still the room darkens, since Your smile isn’t towards me.
I hate seeing You, and not being able to talk to You
Hold You
Touch You
Kiss You
and mostly..
Love You.
I can love You from afar.. but it is not the same as when I was loving You upclose..
Seeing You is like a little knife being stabbed in my heart
and several blows to the stomache.
Seeing You […]
I’m unhappy, more than unhappy actually. I don’t know whats wrong with me I have nothing left to live for and if I could I would drop dead right now. I know there are people that love me but the one person I want to love me doesn’t. The women who knew me before I knew myself, the women who carried me for nine months hates me, and I cant do a damn thing about it. Today I realized that I have become just like her. i am mean and I say things to people just to hurt them. I can’t stop myself and it […]
He was beautiful in every single way, the way he looked at me with his big brown eyes, and how I knew everything he was going to say before he said it. Everything was nonsense it was like life was no longer real and I was living a fairy tale. It wasn’t until I met him that I knew, your life changes in every way when you meet the right person. He was the right person because when I was with him nothing else in this world mattered, the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders and I couldn’t help but to fall […]
Overthinking. This is definitely a girls worst enemy. What causes our mind to get so many meanings out of one sentence..one word.
Love. This is something i have never experienced. Seeing couples together. Holding hands, just being together makes me envious. Finally the chance arose. I was finally in the fist stages of being in love and then my mind began to think. So close to finally bring with the one i love. Everyone would say that we were almost destined to be together. But almost was right. He would never show how he truely felt towards me, at least i didnt see it if he […]
Although i keep you close,I wish it was happiness that I choose, now all is dry and faded away, at least till i see stanley again,people call you “bad” and “not a real friend”,but they dont know how deep and caring you are stanley, your always there and you’ll always listen and always care, you hold me close like its all gonna end you may be cold at times but no worries i will give you a place nice and warm and once again my arm…my body will be a blood storm, but stanleyplease dont let go i promise no one will know, […]
I thought things were getting easier, resisting the urge to cut myself. But knowing that I’m worthless to a large amount of people isn’t really helping me. I have all these emotions that I need to get out to someone in person but I don’t have anyone to get them out to. It’s like everyone around me is happy and at the moment there’s not one thing that’s making me smile. I feel physically and mentally tired and I’ve almost  completely given up. I have no friends at school, I’m not close to my family, and the one person I need right now is ignoring […]
Right now I don’t even know how to put my feelings in writing.
Everything seems so far away. So unreachable. I have registered, and am going to write the entrance examination on January for university admission. But I can’t hold on any longer.
Recently all I want is just to die. I’m fed up of my life. I have lost everything. I have no family. I have cut myself off entirely from facebook etc. I have turned off my phone. I want to die alone.
Yesterday I took a razor and tried slithing my wrist… but I couldn’t. I wasn’t brave enough. When I tried cutting… it hurt. […]
Well let me begin from the beginning…I was born in Ukraine and moved here when i was four with my parents and my brother, i learned English and life was great even though we were poor. Then we moved to a little town with a little school and life gradually started getting worse by the day, we had financial problems and my mom went to school when I was in the 9th grade, so she was always stressed and she would put all her anger on my brother and I, but especially on me. I’ve always been on the heavy side, and always have been made fun of […]