i never had a friend,never had a girlfriend,never had good parents or simply people that not hate me,nad for those i love,’m able to see through them and i care so much that they escape in fear,like if i’m a criminal or a monster… i either have a bad family situation,and people hated me from when i’m born,still talking of hate towards me it’s not right,because all my actions,all my words and arguments,everything,even this post,come from the idea of someone else, people i see in real life,on internet,in tv… for example when my dogs died i didn’t cry,i just said “what would do a normal […]
I thought I was finally okay…
I had found the guy of my dreams…
He loves me scares and all…
He loves me for me…
He helps me up when I fall
And holds me close when cry
But i’ve slipped to far this time…
Farthest I’ve ever fallen….
I know I’m loved by at least one.
But each and everyday I feel
Self hate building stronger.
I’ve attempted to change myself…
Hateing the result each and every time…
I’ve tried to end it well over a hundred times….
But yet I’m still sitting here crying in pain…
The blood from my cuts seep down my wrist climbing over each scar…
He begs for me to not give up….
But this is […]
I hate my life so much! I’ve been in and out of the hospital for trying to kill myself for years now! Things were good for awhile but then it all got taken away! I’m tired of now being the ugly,fat, single girl that no one really likes and will be alone forever! Everyone my age is getting married and having babies and I’m just sitting here on my fat ass living at my mom’s house!!! And I’m 27! I’ve tried but just can’t ever seem to survive this world! Even when I am skinny and my depression is doing better it all just falls […]
Every dream never given a voice,
Every love never given a chance,
Every hurt bottled deep inside,
Every joy pushed away in fear,
Every hope extinguished,
Every hate given light,
Every rejection,
Every loss.
Everything.
I drop it at your feet,
And ask that you use it
To be a light on other’s paths,
Let me ask not why I am tormented,
But let me be assured that it was for a reason….
I hope that my life, and my experiences, can help others.
I came across this website randomly browsing the internet. I couldn’t help but get caught up reading some of these stories. I couldn’t help but feel the need to share mine. I can relate to a lot of your stories. The family problems, being made fun of, not wanting to live, etc. I grew up in an abusive home. My father used to beat me up everyday. Up until the day he walked out when I was fourteen. Not only did he beat me up, he beat my mother up in front of me, he beat my sister up..until the day when he became sexually […]
   Today, one of the worst days of my life. It well.. started yesterday. Me and my boyfriend had an argument. Turns out he doesnt trust me. This is the second time he thinks im cheating on him! Anyways, we were talking..them came the yelling, and well then nothing. He left. Just like that. So today, at school i tried to talk to him, say sorry. But he would ignore me the whole time. I ended cutting again… Its been like 2 weeks that i havent cut until today..at school. I guess i needed it again. To help me take my mind off things. and […]
Love. It’s such a simple thought, yet it’s so complicated. We spend our whole lives looking for that one person. That one person that loves you unconditionally. That one person that wants to be with you forever. That one person that understands.
I found this person 7 months ago. He’s perfect, absolutely perfect. I couldn’t ask for anyone better. He understands i’m manic depressive. He understands I sometimes need my space. He understands I’ll be suicidal. It’s a feeling of content in your heart, when you know you’ve found the one and only person you want to be with forever.
Killed the children of our love
Filled our lives with pills
A journey of pain from the start
It’s gonna rain
and I don’t have a heart
I am ashamed of what I’ve done
Will you cry when I am gone?
What if God doesn’t exist
Will you let me be dead meat?
I’ll be here for you
When your life stops making sense
Cause death is so intense…
We’ll meet in hell again
When you feel well again
So we can start again
I ask if some of you can take a minute to read something of mine. Its not special. I used to love writing. Poetry and the art of literature was my passion. Unfortunately like most of me.. it has died. I wrote something for the first time in many years tonight.. As I keep myself from wishing I could end my life.
Ugh.. fuck! I’ve always hated my birthday.
You used to be there. Holding me tight; you made me whole.
You were my love, my heart, and everything in between. Until you peered into my soul.
I asked you to stay. You told me no.
Why did I have […]
Well, I guess my story starts from the day that I was born. My mother, so I’ve been told, started drinking around the age of twelve. She was from an extremely abusive household and I figure she needed something to get her mind off of it. I don’t hold it against her. Anyway, she had about seven kids with a different man every time all over the United States and dropped us with the fathers. She committed suicide when I was about ten, not that it mattered. I never met the women and I don’t really care to.
My father also had a very, very, […]
I was told by so many different people that I should kill myself. I’ve been told it since I was little. My dad, kids at school, my friend’s mom, people online I tried to open up to. I’ve been told indirectly that because I’m gay I should kill myself and burn in hell. I’ve been told that everyone hates me. People accuse me of lying for attention when I reveal that I was raped when I was six. I’m an idiot. I always say and do things to make people annoyed with me and hate me. I know they’d all be happier if they didn’t […]
Quit Worrying About How You Look, it’s About Whats On The Inside!
i don’t care who you are. your beautiful and amazing in your own unique and special way, please don’t let what he/she says make you stop believing that. the people who hurt you most are the ones who usually are the closest to you…but don’t beat yourself up, and depress yourself with it, because they may have called you ugly. stupid. fat. etc..but only you can believe them..only you can take it to heart. only you can take it as far as it gets. You, are Your Biggest Enemy. free yourself from mental slavery, […]
Why is it, that life is so worthless even when everything is going right, i`ll tell you why:
I want some love ( not getting any)
I want an F***** break ( i`m frustrated with life)
I want to think clearly ( too much pain)
I need to stop whining ( f*** how?)
I want to stop excessive worrying ( 24/7 nuff said)
I want to be strong and have no anxiety ( Exercise doesn`t work)
I can`t afford therapy ( too much debt and my insurance company doesn`t cover a shrink)
pistol in one arm………………………………BANG
signal lost………………………..
im panicking just let me get this out
(i dont mean for anyone to take these things too personally, i just need to share..)
i might come across really negative, dont let it effect you… im really a good person)
please feel free to give me some suggestions to add to the list, i’d really appreciate any feedback
i hate the doctors office
i hate cards (birthday, greetings….theyre so corny
the dentist
the phrase “how are you” and the conforming answer”well, thanks, yourself?”
hate how there’s little options as to what you get in life.
perfume
i hate how i have to lie to myself by thinking positively
i hate how i wanna runaway but i […]
So this week has been pure shit. I mean, Suicidal thinking shit. Obviously.
First, I just haven’t been my self this week. I’ve been a blend of the the bad Nat’s that we know and love :3 Secondly, Thursday was 27/9/12 (The ‘day’ that the voices have been talking about for months) Nothing bad happened on that day because I didn’t go into school… Friday however was by far the worst day of the week.
So Friday- Woke up feeling okay, did all my routines. Did break down a bit third lesson but I brought myself back from it. Cue fourth lesson. I got a facebook message […]
I’m 17 Â years old and i really want to die right now. As a child i was sexually abused by my uncle. My dad is a jerk. My mom is a control freak. She wants me to do things that I don’t love. I even cried in front of her for like 10x already. I begged her many times that I really want to do what I love. They are all the same my grandma, uncles, aunts. My friends they just love me for my money. I was bullied in school for being ugly. I have low self esteem. I really want to make some […]
Been preoccuppied with sp chat and FBSP rather than the original. My old home. I have endured much in my past i jsut want out. I need a gun. Fast. My moms boyfriend wants to take me to mexico so we could shoot guns and shoot drug dealers cuz i want the army to “shoot people”. I want to off myself is the real reason. I am triggered by special phrases that fuck me over most of the time. Whats going on? almost always triggers the voices especially when im insane from 12-4 am… I started crying right now cuz of the voices coming back […]
I love my friends with all my heart, but it really seems like they just don’t care about me. Saying they do is one thing, but doing is another. Whenever they need help, I’m there. Whenever they need anything, I’m there. It could be just a small problem and I’ll listen to them no matter what. I have picked them up in the middle of nights many times. I do things without expecting a thank you in return. But whenever I’m feel sad or hurt they just give some one-liner bullshit like “Oh, I’m sorry.” Then they move on with their day. I’ll be honest […]
I have thought and battled trust me, I have got myself out of some really downward states. the thing is though I cant change my life, my external life, Ive changed my internal one but my external one remains empty. I struggle to accept that while I am good looking/ wise/ good hearted/ fun (if im in the right mood) my looks and who I am just means nothing to the majority of women. I guess my problem is in my empty life that I have come to rely on dating sites instead of real life.
Im 34 , good looking and the only woman who seems into me […]
I’ve been a cutter since I was 11 or 12.. since before I knew why I liked it, or that other people in the world did it.
It may be a dangerous addiction, but I argue that it isn’t worse than drugs or alcohol or smoking.
I basically live in long sleeves and pants, but in ten years, I’ve slipped up and had some scars spotted by friends, family, co-workers.
I find some morbid fascination in people’s reactions and wondered what kind of reactions other people on here have received.
These days, I only keep close friends who understand my issues, but when I was a kid, […]