I know that people say that I should be happy with the life that I have, but right now, I just don’t see anything good in life…. I seriously want to die. I cry so much, but I don’t let people see. I am called names, made fun of, etc. It has become too much for me. I just don’t want to be alive. I tried to commit suicide, but I sadly failed. I just don’t see the point of being alive at this point. If I had the chance, I would try it again, but my mom hid all the pills and sharp items […]
Tag:
Love
Can’t concentrate. Can’t concentrate since I saw you today. Since you asked me if I was coming, since I said “noâ€. I felt so horrible. I said “noâ€, but my heart screamed out loud “yes, of course!”. Unfortunately you couldn’t hear my heart screaming and beating loud. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to say anything else, then “noâ€. Unfortunately I couldn’t lie to you, because I never lie intentionally to you.
My thoughts were racing to fast for me…â€why are you not coming? Because she will go there to! Yeah but don’t you want to be around her? Of course I want so badly to be around […]
What if the kids from school read this?
Will they make fun of me more? Will they beat me up?…AGAIN? Will they think I am just a poser? What will they think of me? If they think I am a poser, they can go get in line. I have my scars for my proof. I have too many scars to be a poser. And no they are not just bike-crash scars. They are cutting scars. I have been cutting my self for a while, trying to work up the nerve to just end it. End my suffering. End the sad thing I call my life. Too […]
Nobody’s here to stop me. Nobody’s here to care. What is my purpose? Where is my happiness? Where is my love? Why don’t I care? Maybe, maybe I’m better off dead.
All I want to hear from you is that I’m nothing to you. I want to hear you say that you don’t feel anything towards me, instead of being so damn afraid to talk about it. Just get it out there so that I can hate you instead of being so in love that it hurts all the time. Let me move on from you, that’s all I want.
And I want to tell you that you saved me, that you’re the only person who could’ve saved me, and that I would’ve been roadkill if you hadn’t forced me into your car. You don’t even know […]
I may not fake happiness; but I know its not real.
I may not cut myself; but that’s how I feel.
I may fear death; but I still want to die.
I may be young; but I feel old.
I may be up; but it feels like I’m down.
I may want things; but I know I have to wait. .
I don’t know how much longer I can stand.
I may have friends; but no one who understnads.
I may love sports; but how does that help?
I may have family who cares; but they’re all busy with themselves
I may be alive; but that doesn’t […]
I want love, but it’s impossible
A man like me, so irresponsible
A man like me is dead in places
Other men feel liberated
I can’t love, shot full of holes
Don’t feel nothing, I just feel cold
Don’t feel nothing, just old scars
Toughening up around my heart
But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won’t break me down
Won’t brick me up, won’t fence me in
I want a love, that don’t mean a thing
That’s the love I want, I want love
I want love on my own terms
After everything I’ve ever learned
Me, I carry too much baggage
Oh […]
I’m always depressed even sometimes i can really hide it from everybody -incluiding me- but within me there’s just darkness… like all the bad feelings together at the point you cant make a difference among them, in some moments i want to let me go in that darkness and just desapear, in others i want to hurt myself -even i know i can’t- to make the pain go away for a while.
I think on killing me but i know i’m not strong enough to do it, as same as hurting me, and my friends are sick of me saying once and again how bad i […]
I never understood why people write letters before killing themselves. It always seemed sort of unnecessary and selfish to put the ones that stay under a letter apologizing why they did what they did because why did they do it in the first place? So I never understood why, until now. They write because it’s the last goodbye, it’s their last attempt to say they love who’s staying and they are sorry they couldn’t find a way out… They know it’s gonna hurt who’s reading it, they do, but they have to write it. It’s like when an old man decides to reveal his last […]
I’m done with my life. I can’t stand the raping and bullying at my school anymore. I can’t stand how my “friends” keep on back stabbing me. I don’t want to keep on having to cry myself asleep because of a guy who i love but for him i’m only another sex toy. I can’t take it how my family just watches from a far how i slowly brake down. And most of all i can’t take the people anymore who say they want to help but then turn around and don’t come back. Whats the piont in living if you only feel pain?! […]
Today was one of the weirdest days of my life. I have been depressed since I was 10 years old. I’m 14 right now. I have attempted suicide 4 times. I have tried to drown myself, I have thrown myself down stairs trying to break my neck, I have tried strangling myself, and I have taken 15 pills. Today, I was bickering with my boyfriend John all day. We argued over him eating, me eating, and me cutting myself. First time we argued it wasn’t that bad. Then I told him that I was craving blood. He didn’t quite understand. So then I went upstairs to […]
Im in love with my bf but im not over my ex): painful.
What should i do?
Heart breaks into millions, im still standing, You chase me down and broke it when I.was trying to believe and dream but these scars wont bleed because the one I love took it all.
Does such a thing exist?
I heave a sigh, looking out of the panes of my window. It’s raining today. It doesn’t usually rain here in Southern California but I like the change of pace. It reminds me of the song “I’m only happy when it rains….”
Each drop tears down my cheek. Why do I bother. Why do I create this sense of hope? Why does it tag me along so painfully. I’m just going to be thrown in the mud again.
I hate the word why. I say it too frequently. I never get an answer.
I see her. In my mind, its sunny, ooh and its […]
Apparently when I tried killing myself it was for “attention”….u dk what its like what iv been through..I know that I’v put you through so much but what else can I do..I’m hard headed I get mad over everything and its different now with us…Im never guna change Im always guna be suicdal..but I would die for you …I care about no one else but you babe!!!…and even though you don’t wana admit it..I believe I came in between you and your past lover..me and you were best friends and I did like you so much and I’ll never let you go…if you say its […]
At The end of the world, Or the last thing I see, You are, Never coming home, Never coming home….
by Nat....
written by Nat....
Damn. That song brings back so many memories. Happy-ish Memories from happier times.
Basically, I’m thinking of doing ‘it’. I don’t want to be around anymore… I’m sick of life and all it has to throw at me. It’s not going to get better like everyone keeps telling me. I want it to stop. I think… My mental health is also getting worse… I don’t want to be the crazy one. I did want to stick around for my nephews, watch them grow up… be happy with them. Looks like that isn’t going to happen. They will be ok without me. I know it. And sure, […]
I’ve always been depressed, well since I was twelve. But ill tell that story later. My obsession now is my heartbreak. I’ve never thought I would find love, I always wished and wished deeply for someone who truly loves me. For example the movie Ella Enchanted, when I saw it I wished everyday as I walked to school to have someone love me like Char loved Ella. Then a couple months ago, I found him the love of my life, my soul mate, my beautiful Nate. And we were perfect, until he had a stroke, he’s only 25, I was in shock. We barely get […]
I’ve started out with a terrible life. When I was 2 my real dad tried murdering me. When I was three he choked me to death but the emt brought me to life again. I wish I could of just died then so I wouldn’t have to go thru this pain any longer. My lifes falling apart at the seams again…. I’m 14 and tried suicide 5 times! But each time at the end when I’m about to die someone saves me even when I try fighting them. At this exact moment I feel unwated unloved and depressed. I’m thinking of suicide because who would […]
I’m almost ready. ready for the pain to end, even if it takes more pain. I wrote a suicide letter a goodbye.I have problems if I killed myself i would be doing the world a favor one less messed up person for people to look at and wonder what I’m like. Who I am. Everyone judges people. And in this world that’s all I am to most people. I was  abused. It changes a person getting slapped for not eating. Getting kicked for crying. Getting my head slammed into a  wall because I couldn’t stop crying. It was like that every day . I have problems. They are clear to […]
I’m screwed up and I’m broken and I don’t know how or why I came to be like this. Nothing horrible has ever happened to me and from the outside, I have a perfect life.
But somehow, I am not normal. I am steadily going completely insane and nobody has noticed, because I keep it from them. I hide my craziness because I shouldn’t have it. I don’t deserve it.
It doesn’t make logical sense for me to feel this way, but still I know that I’m screwed up. Completely and utterly fucked up and insane.
I’m too many contradictions. I don’t make sense. I can’t even explain […]