I’ve lost yet another person who meant a lot to me. One of the few people who truly encouraged, inspired and believed in me. His funeral is tomorrow, and I don’t know if I can deal with it. He was a close family member, and our bound was something I took pride in. He became paralyzed at 19 through a swimming accident. He’s been quadriplegic ever since I can remember. I never saw him through his disability/handicap. I saw him for the person he was. From a really young age I started taking care of him when he needed help. He came to be someone […]
I saw an updated photo of my ex. I kind of miss him. I wish things were like they were before – when we actually got along. When we weren’t at each others throats. I loved him, and while seeing that picture of him today, I realized I still do. It makes me regret what I said about his mother that much more. I didn’t mean it, but it was still a low blow. He was mad at me at the time – we were fighting about something, and he said something that had offended me. I don’t remember what it was, it must have […]
I do everything for you. You do nothing for me. You have come to expect me to drop everything and do whatever you ask. you’re a grown man…act it . Be responsible for your own shit. It’s all about poor you…you’ve destroyed me in your path. I have to get out from under you in order to survive. If you are there in the end things will be different but I have my suspicions that you will be long gone, when the favors stop.
I was in a relationship for 15 years where he belittled me on a daily basis. It wasn’t until the divorce and 2 children later that I was told I suffer from battered woman’s syndrome. I was always too fat, never good enough in bed, mean, moody, didn’t clean enough, not a good cook, not a good mom, didn’t take my schooling far enough to be able to give him all the material things he wanted, etc. Finally after a year of being divorced, I tried online dating. I met several people, none of which caught my attention. Then I met one that was not […]
I left my husband for love. We had been together almost a decade and he provided me a nice home and new cars, anything I needed and worked hard to do so. We had a two year old son when I left for another man. This man was charming and loving, came home every night and seemed to put me first. I guess I deserve the nightmare of marriage we’ve had for the last 5 years. He’s left me three times, twice at Christmas for two weeks and another time for two months because he was arrested for hitting me. He broke the no contact […]
I don’t know if my memories are real anymore because they blur with my dreams of you. I dream of how things should have been. As you torture my mind I cling tighter to those memories and dreams and I feel guilty for loving him now that you are gone. I feel guilty. I don’t feel like I deserve any happiness because you didn’t have any, I feel like I’m betraying you by building a life with him. But I have to. I’m stronger now since I lost you but I am weak, and stupid. I make bad choices and I hurt people. The ones […]
I know what your thinking , I’m so young I have a life ahead of me. I don’t. My childhood was tossed between my divided parents who hurt each other by hurting me. My stepfather hit me , my mom told me she wished I had never been born. Then when I was 15 I moved in with my dad and his wife thinking that they wanted me me because they loved me , they just wanted to stop paying child support. I was alone I had a few friends , but then he came into my life, my boyfriend I had found a reason […]
This pain I’m having needs to stop already I can’t sleep it feels as if someone put a knife through me the pain. I’m having is sharpness just when will it ever end my damn scoliosis is such a bother n I feel as if I can’t really enjoy life I know I have appointments to see doctors for them to help me n shit but I can only wait so long till my breaking point. It’s such a ***** to deal with I cry when I’m alone n when my friends or family r around I hide my feeling I don’t want them to […]
I feel empty inside
There’s a void I cannot fill
I drink the emptiness away
I smoke the emptiness away
I roll to take the emptiness away
Though these temporary solutions
Hold no effect once I be sober
I miss the touch of a gentle human hand
I miss the warmth of another’s embrace
I miss the smile that follows the sweet words spoken
I miss being loved by another
I curl up and hold myself tight at night
My pillow squished in my comforting embrace
I close my eyes and dream of a paradise
One where a man adores me for me
Holds me and tells […]
Everyone knows me as that smiling outgoing girl who is sometimes annoying but speaks her mind whenever something pops into her head! No one knows I feel so alone all the time, and that I just want more love. I always think about my life in the future, married to my dream man, having my dream family that consists of a boy, a girl, And a pair of twins (girl and boy). But then when I think about it I don’t want anything I just want to meet my maker and live a happy life in heaven.
the popes got it wrong
when theres no more ozone
we will see the falacy
with our last breath
we’re all going to hell
with no water to quench the smell
inhaled in a blind hurry
a dead man walking at a feast
and our apologies won’t mean a thing
the childrens eyes will shame every human being
each passive one of us a sentencing
but the law rarely gets you for doing nothing
what we have done
knows no logical bounds
we have spoiled the earth
we gangrape the ground
when our plans got botched
we just stood by and watched
we can not explain away
everyone knew […]
I am so very lonely..and tired. I lost the love of my life seven years ago….we had been married for nine years. He died suddenly of a heart attack and I was the one who found him dead. I can’t explain how much I loved this man and how him dying at 39 yrs old almost killed me too. I had been disabled a few years before he died, I have spinal and brain tumors, and the surgeries not only disabled me, but caused me so much pain in the aftermath, that I lost my job as a trauma nurse because […]
Hi, I’ve been fighting against depression for 15 years and I think I’ve finally given up on that battle. I can’t take it anymore. I just create havoc around me, and I drag people’s lives into misery with me.
I’m the only child of a deeply disturbed and disturbing woman. To everyone who doesn’t know her she seems to be a loving, caring person, quirky at most, but to those who are near her, she comes out as she is: plain scary. She’s violent, contradictory, manipulative. Ever since I was a young child I stood no chance to grow up to be normal, to be social, […]
I’m new to this site, so hello and hi to everyone.
I’m a man in my 40’s based in the UK. Up until 2 years ago I had everything I wanted in my life. It was then that one person’s vitriol cast a shadow over my life, that can never ever be lifted. I’m in a long term loving relationship (15 years), and I’m trusted implicitly by this person, and this person has never doubted me for even a second.
I have decided that I wish to embark on the journey of self deliverance in approximately 3 months time.
Why the delay? I have to prove my innocence […]
scarsI don’t know what to do anymore.. I battle with severe anxiety, depression, insomnia and anger issues.I try my hardest to be what they want me to be.. the perfect daughter. Have the perfect grades, I was working 2 jobs but I just can’t cope any more. I’m lost. Dropped out of school at 15. Quit one job. Have barely any shifts at the other one. I blow up at everyone over everything. I can’t help myself .I cry everynight trying to think of new ways to be perfect… I tried cutting… It just wasn’t my thing so I started burning myself. The pain […]
Hyper beam, inspiration
The dying hell of Leech
Calypso
Are you the dead queen
Does this, have an end
The words
The lyrics
I don’t even exist
I see a wild Ratatat, smiles
I just want to breathe and be strong, Calypso
My … reality
Robin Williams, angel man
Would of saved me a million times
How I exist, nobody knows
I’m just Leech.
The most important part of planning or imagining suicide (to me) is knowing what music will lull you to your final rest. I realize it may seem like an insignificant and even petty detail but don’t you think the last thing you experience should be the soothing beauty of your favorite music?
What song(s) will you leave as your final farewell?
I personally would like to hear Pink Floyd when I die. I imagine that before I act, I’ll listen to Comfortably Numb and Brain Damage and then, as I’m waiting for my method to take effect, I’ll listen to Goodbye Blue Sky, the last sound to […]
Severely ill-stricken and debilitated
The child of the five hang-man arcana
I am Leech, child of the Morlocks
The story of the messiah complex
The blood of the abyssal
Eaten alive, of the fated child
Fullmetal Alchemy, to the rescue
Final Fantasy, X
Alphonse – It hurts brother, I can’t breathe… Save me, brother
Capcom, Morrigan
The caged, beast of hell
The opposite, of your reality
Take me, oh, take me
“Cable,” came for me
“Weapon X,” all wore black, for me
I am, the green man
Hey, how about that. It’s Leech.
I came to that conclusion myself and that state of mind is what kept my suicidal thoughts in check for the past 8 years.
But now perhaps I stop believing in what I’ve came up with.
Lately I have to consciously activate my self preservation instinct on my every waking hours, and it’s so exhausting.
It’s considered more tragic when teenager commit suicide because of what they might missed out on and the fact that thing will get better.
So when I see a 63 years old man, who may have 10 or so more years left to live, chose now instead of waiting, it […]
“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. Great clown ”Pagliacci” is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor…I am ”Pagliacci”.”