I don’t know how, but I stopped feeling. At the time it seemed better than always being depressed and suicidal, just numb myself, make the pain go away. But it’s torture not feeling anything, I see people happy, i see people love, i see people depressed, and i want to hate them, but now i can’t even care. I lie in bed and i cant cry, just stare at the ceiling. I would kill myself, but whats the point? To go from nothing to nothingness. Everybody just sees the mask i put on so i dont freak anybody out but i dont even know why […]
Tag:
Mask
I’m sitting here in English class,
My mind is far away,
I’m drifting more and more,
My skies keep growing grey.
The times are quite exhausting,
My mask is slipping off,
I don’t know how long I’ll manage,
To continue all the faking.
My life is split in two,
I’m pretend and I am real,
I’m hiding from the world,
But on my own the real shines through.
My thoughts don’t make sence,
Just like my presence,
I wish my ties were severed,
So I can fly free.
Flying free is what I long for,
I could leave it all behind,
I would float amongst the clouds,
finally released […]
My parents say I want to call attention. That the way I dress demands attention. That I embarrassed them. I don’t try to. I just can’t be myself. I see myself In the mirror and all I see is a fat lard. I hate my skin tone, my eyes, my hair, my body! I hate it all! So I try to make it better! I try to hide my fat body under layers of clothes. I hide my face under make up! I hide my ugly untamed frizzy shit colored hair under dye. I change how I look! And only when I change it I […]
You know you’d think your problems would end when you grow up, more time goes by everyday and i realize i had it so much more easier when i was sixteen then i do now.
everything started when i was fourteen i lost my grandmother and my dad in one year. my grandmother was just the start of my fathers depression. On my fathers side most of my family are bipolar and have anxiety. So with it i have also developed these unwanted traits. after my father passed my whole world dropped. I started contemplating suicide at sixteen and i was always a failure at it. […]
hi
i’m 15 and feeling suicidal. i have felt like this for the last 2 years, things have being getting worse every day and this is wrecking my head. i’m so sad and i no there is teenagers and adults in the world that have much worse lives than i have. i hate going to school going anywhere in public, i’ve lost so many friends in school over this because i guess i’ve changed, i just want to die but the only thing is stopping me is my family especially my mum i don’t want to hurt her. Life is really not easy especially feeling […]
I put my mask on when I go out, I put my mask on when I leave my room, when someone enters my room and when I have any form of human contact.
It’s when I’m alone when everything comes at once. The failures, the lack of prospects. The undeserved pain. When I’m alone I’m a different person.
I have been alive for a little over 15 years  now.  I’ve laughed countless times, smiled the majority of my life, and cried when it seemed appropriate.  Yet I’ve rarely done any of these with emotion.  I’ve been alive for over a decade and a half but I can’t think of a single time when I was truly living.
I started to realize that I was empty, and that emptiness was suffocating.  It was a tangible force, crushing me to the ground like gravity.  I wanted to feel something…  maybe love or at even agony, just anything but this hollowness inside of me.  I want to be able to […]
It’s been a while sine I even thought of this place.A guy I know was helping me and I was happy,I was even smiling and laughing.It felt so good because it’s been a while since I’ve done either of the two.But then he just ignored me and brushed me off.Later,he apologized and said he was having a hard week,but it was too late.He has been saying sorry for a long time now. It’d too late though,I have put my mask back up and have no intention to let go.
I’m in a very desperate position. I want to kill myself someone please help me, I have no one to talk to. I wear this mask to hide my pain but as a result no one knows me and I feel so alone all the time, I have no one. My parents are well were abusive drunks but now since I’m old enough to protect myself they think they can but my love with shiny objects. I hate them, I hate most people, and I’m filled with pain and confusion. I cut my self daily I’m an alcoholic and I’m only 17 years old. I […]
i get so tired of wearing this fake mask hidding my feeling and pain inside making like im doing fine and im not depressed anymore but when i get alone i cry, cry because im in pain because im hurt and sometimes cry for nothin at all im just ready to say fuck it and go threw with my plan which is to die of carbon monoxide it seems like the easyest way to die no pain no nothing just death
What is the meaning of life, There is no meaning of life its about what you do and the actions that changes things around you. But i never understood how hateful and harmful people can be not aiding each other in need just letting someone die in cold and regret not giving an hand. but i keep smiling but behind this smiling mask i am crying deeply inside it hurts it hurts soo much i want to leave this world because this hate is killing me inside may what come be good and whats old be gone in eternity help me angel of death leaving […]
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I fucking live off coffee and cigarettes, to be honest i just don’t give a shit , thats deff another lie, affirmed by my predisposition to cry. I claim to be emotionless when really I’m overrun by it. You all see a smile, but not whats inside, its just a mask i use to hide. I’m giving you what you want, now its up to you to conceive, in reality it has nothing to do with me. Over the years I’ve grown to see , that you don’t want to […]
A couple of years ago I was a completely normal person. I was happier and my life seemed normal. I laughed a lot and I loved my family. I concentrated on them, because they were my life. Years passed, and things have gotten progressively worse. I’ve always had depression looming over me, but never this dark. I’ve always had anxiety, but never this painful. I’ve always been afraid of the outside world, but never this bad. Now, I am looking up ways to kill myself. And I have no where to turn.
I am a 21 year old with nothing going for her. If you knew […]
after that last post, it hit me like a broad seeing red; my entire life is an act. No wonder I’m so tired. The minute I leave my apartment, I’m weighed down by the way I have to be to get ahead, to get by, to not be harassed etc etc. I guess in a sense we all do it, but everything I say is a farce. I don’t celebrate holidays anymore, I dropped all superstitions, minimized/simplified my diet; I’m trying to live the way an evolved human might. The world around me doesn’t make sense and I worry about who I’m to become, […]
7pm on Jan 2, 2012.
I’m alone, in my room – lights off. Just me, and the music I’m listening to. This is the first time I’ve felt.. alone in a long time. I thought I had gotten use to the feeling. But no, apparently not. My Grandpa is in his room – right across the hall.. yet it feels like miles between us. I’m scared. Of my mind; the thoughts swirling around in the chaos.
To be honest, my life isn’t horrid.
I’ve thought about killing myself multiple times. I cut – but nothing serious. I don’t know if I want to die.. or just […]
i have no idea what im supposed to put here…. if youre reading this you already know whats going on.
by nate
written by nate
might as well share my story… this is gonna be rambling and probably not very cohesive, fyi. ive commented on a lot of other posts on this site. i go on here multiple times a day, to check and see whats new here. my goal in life is to help people. specifically, keep depressed people from killing themselves and hopefully get rid of their depression. i have dedicated my life to that goal. so far i have been very successful at keeping people from killing themselves, but not so good at ending any kind of depression… as far as i can tell i just drag […]
I feel as though i’m wearing a mask and no matter how much I want 2 I can’t b completely honest with anyone including my family and friends. I fake a smile and a laugh wen they’re catching on 2 me but it’s all a lie like I’m hiding behide a mask of fake happiness and I just can’t take it anymore I’m sick of lying. Y should I live a life filled with lies it feels fake like the mask. I feel like all of my emotion has been taken away and filled with emptiness.
Im not depressed. I have the medications to thank for that, however what theyve done to me by no means deserves thanks. Oh sure, the severe BPDs gone but i didnt know i was trading it for absolutely nothing. They killed any small part of me that mightve passed as human; they hollowed me out. How am i supposed to live a life like this, a medically-made sociopath, where feeling is impossible and nothing will ever matter to me. I just dont care anymore, i cant. Everyday just seems more pointless then the last. The world around me is fading.
If i dont manage to kill myself, the […]
he started at 13
it got worse every year
i guess it was an escape from harsh reality
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she loved him with all her heart
she wasnt aware of his problem
she really cared
he didnt know how much
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he was 17
she got a phone call
he was going to jail
she finally saw
the intensity of his problem
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they didnt see each other for 6 months
she started to care a little less
they wrote
and called
but she was slipping away
slowly going downhill
he didnt know
that he was the source of her problems
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he came home
she was happy
he had changed
she was glad
he lied
she found out when they took him away
he didnt know how much it hurt her
to see him taken […]
I dont know wether this will work, ive never raly spoken to anyone before about my problems, i always take things on myself. Why does it seem that everytime you try to do something good it always goes tits up and people hate you for it? I was bullyed as a child, i dont know weather thats why im writing this today, what i do know is that it lead to my insicurity and the fact i dont tell anyone anything. Ive only ever opened up to one person, i loved her, she made my life have a purpose for the first time. The purpose […]
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