the constant thoughts of suicide cross my mind. they never leave i dont feel they ever will. nobody really listens or quite understands my pain, the losses ive dealt with and the constant reminders of those losses. from being thrown in many hospitals screaming behind the lies my parents set before everyone to see really fucking killed me. nobody cared to hear my side and to this day still dont. they dont listen they dont care. i feel as if im better locked away with no worries. or a matter of fact just dead. nobody would miss me anyway i have nobody , they took […]
Tag:
Matter Of Fact
Isn’t it ironic? A young adult takes his life and his entire community is shocked, startled…sorry. The social media sites will be flooded with posts, somewhere along the lines of “RIP *insert name here* – you were loved and will be missed dearly”. Why does no one bother telling him that before it was too late? Why do people only start to care when the last breath struck his body? Some will answer: because they didn’t know. So what? Does a person need to be openly suicidal, in order to receive some love and affection? When did it become a heroic deed to remind the […]
This is coming from an agnostic…but I can verify that there is, in fact, something more. When my partner left me (you’ll excuse how disjointed and crazy this is, it was many years ago) when my ex left me at my best friend’s apartment he asked me whether or not I was “stable” I…of course…answered “yes”. I requested on the way there that we stop at the pharmacy so I could pick up some Excedrin. (I got my Benadryl instead.)  I’d never been asked that question before, nor had I considered myself “unstable” I told him I was fine.  I asked him to take me to […]
Hello.
Let me just start out by saying my life has been shitty since my teenage years. I started really feeling these types of feelings when I was 13. It was bad, really bad. My family life was not great and I had no social skills. I wasn’t abused, mistreated or any of the like. I just didn’t really develop those social skills you need to succeed in life. I started having these thoughts at 13 and it progressed as I got older and nothing really improved. There was something in the back of my mind which kept telling me things will get better, don’t give […]
I’m only 17. I am going through shit right now. Exactly a year from today I was on this site. A year ago i felt like killing myself so badly that it had never got to me like that.
I will try to make this short and summarize everything.
My life began taking its downhill when i was in 6th grade. My parents got divorced and it affected me. I hated my dad. I never hung out with him unless my mom made me.
My dad always called me a hoe since I was in 7th grade. He never felt proud of me really. I […]
I’m having a tough time reconciling much of anything: the numbness I feel, the suffering inflicted on me and others, the deep, penetrating emptiness I feel… It’s existentialist really; I simply can’t find an explanation for the absurdity of this mockery of a life, this incessant suffering that undercuts whatever joy I have left, or, rather, had.
I was kicked out of the house by my dad a year ago after I got into it with him over his alcoholism and my apparent laziness and moved in with my mom and stepdad; however, I left home to live on my school’s campus (it’s a boarding/day school) […]
Male, 18, Black, 5’9, 265
Atlanta, Georgia
Tonight is the night. It was inevitable really. LOL i finally realized that i will die from stabbing myself repeatedly in the neck. Why? Who cares? I’m ugly and fat which will never get me women. I have a terrible evil personality that comes out when i hang out with people too much. I’m just going to wind up hurting myself even more or others if i just don’t get it over with. It’s really not the big of a deal, if God does exist he’ll be just send me to hell and I can move on with my life. […]
Read on my fellow crazies. Let’s see, where to start? I guess the beginning. When I was five, my parents got divorced. Not a big deal right? Tons of parents get divorced and a lot of kids get to visit every other weekend or something. Well my dad packed me, my two sisters, and little brother up and brought us all the way from Ohio to New Hampshire. Leaving my mom behind. I got to see her in the summers and Christmas break for a week or so. My second-to-oldest sister had an over-eating disorder and was the first to move out of that madhouse to […]
As my days tick down i grow a little nervous, but at the same time relieved that my suffering will soon come to an end. I’m starting to feel the emotional pain of those left behind and what they will feel. But I’m really not close to my family and have no kids so they will recover just fine. i think they will understand that my mental illness has been too much and the future looks grim. I’m wrapping up final details here and there. tomorrow I get dog his bordetella vaccine so he can be boarded for 3 days till my father picks him […]
Well I dont know if ive had the roughest life matter of fact I havent, but Ive been through the prison system 3 times and have been homeless on the street for what seemed like forever before I got my family back and got off of drugs. I thought that my life would get better I even felt like I found god, but now Im always questioning myself about different thins like I got a girlfriend and she is awesome and I thought I would feel better about that but I dont. I have crazy thoughts and I dont let anyone know because I dont […]
So its coming up really soon that my mom will now be dead for two years. That’s still really hard to think of, i still cry over her and think that i was a shitty daughter to her. I mean if i wasn’t a good daughter why should the fuck should i be a mom or matter of fact even be alive. Why should i continue to be on this earth if i am not with the one person that i miss and love and still need? Yes i am twenty years old and i need to start to be on my own. It kills […]
well im a thirty three year old single man who has no real friends,i did not go to the military and i did not go to a four year college after highschool,as a matter of fact i dropped out of highschool, i got a GED and i went to community college,ive have been in and out of school for the past 14 years……whats worse is that i became a recluse christian type of person when i was in my best years nineteen through twenty-one,i started trying to live at twenty-six years old after being into a repressive christian life and i traded my sense of […]
You can call me Robert for now, even though that’s not my true name. You’ll never know my actual name, unfortunately, because I won’t be around to tell it to you. Obviously, i plan to kill myself, but you would be mistaken if you thought that i was sad right now. As a matter of fact,this is the first time that I’ve felt happy in years! Finally, finally, I have found a way to end myself; to put a stop to the horrible thing that is my mind.
Over the years, I have been plagued with psychopathy. I couldn’t even walk down the fucking street without […]
I’m only 13 years old and I self harm myself almost everyday. It all
when I was only 2 years old matter of fact I was not even 1. My
mother got MS and she lost her legs. The older I got the worst
everything become. I never went on a field trip or went to a friend’s
house to play. I had friends but the older I got the worst of friends I
got like the druggies, whores, bullies, liars, and abusives. When I
was in 6th grade I found a boy I liked tall, rocker, handsome, and
sweet. It was a thursday morning in the hallway when some of my
friends […]
When I was still in Korea  for the exchange student program, that was the time that I was so down and determined to kill myself. However, I realized that i can’t die in a foreign country.  So I just let it pass and hoping that things will get better for myself and that I want to see my friends and family too when I get back. I actually sort of planned everything when I was still there; I’ll get a job or find something that won’t me make rely on anyone financially. I was really positive about this plan because I thought since I felt […]
My tears are gone,
I have spent so much time filling the ocean,
So that the seven seas,
Become eight.
Who can answer me better than me,
I don’t know how to shout,
So instead I love myself,
Because who else would do it?
I have this infatuation,
And it whispers salvation,
Because I can’t save myself unless I am saving others,
So when my job is done,
Saving becomes a distant plan,
My brain has had time to breathe,
But how did I know that it would be snuffed in the fumes of carbon monoxide and failure,
I am high on disappointment,
Have you ever felt like Peter Pan?
I once flew to Netherland,
And it was there where I learned the […]
I HATE THIS. I feel so many things, and at the same time I feel nothing. I spend part of my day believing that everything will turn out alright, and I spend the other part wondering how I can even fathom waking up tomorrow. I’ve managed to turn my life upside down (feel free to have a look at previous posts for something of an explanation, if you really care). I’ve hurt one of the people I love and need most. Not that she knows how much I need her in my life. She said I keep too much to myself, that I’m too secretive. […]
I’ve been trying to do better these past few days. It seems as though my underlying depression keeps tapping me on the shoulder, knowing when it can come back. Right when I think the world is good and dandy, something has to happen that crushes it.
My mother has been my rock for about a week now. She has helped me recover from my bulimia so much in these past few days that I feel like I can never pay her back. Shes kept a strong spirit about the whole situation, but yesterday she crumbled. I’ve so fucking stupid and selfish that I didn’t even realized how my […]