I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I’m only 15 years old and a sophomore in high school and I already starting to believe that I’m screwed like hell. My parents keep on stressing the fact that the best I could go is UC Davis and not UCLA or Stanford. In freshmen year, I started off with a crappy GPA of 2.67. As the result, my father would sometimes come into my room either 12:00 or 5:00 A.M just to hit me and complain about my grades. My parents stopped calling me my given name and nicknamed me “2.67” or “Junk […]
I tried messaging and approaching girls on dating sites in various ways and I have only failed so far. They either didn’t respond or we exchanged a couple of messages and then they didn’t respond. One even deleted her account after we messaged a few times -.-
Can you tell me what you would want to hear from a stranger if you were on a dating site? I mean, it doesn’t really matter what you write in those first few messages; meeting someone in person is way more important, that is when you really get to know each other and can decide whether you like the […]
My mother is a complete psycho ***** that hates me to the extent of why I wonder I haven’t blown my brains out a lot if times I wonder if I’m even her son or something else to her like property and my dad is a wanna be thug who TRIES to relate to me when he was NEVER there for me and suddenly thinks that he can come back and think I will have no hard feelings towards him my grandparents think I mess everything up maybe it’s true I pretty much have nobody all of my friends I’ve made are on Xbox and […]
My last post suddenly blew up with pointless raging that came out of nowhere, so hopefully this doesn’t happen again here.
Anyway, I was laying here thinking about before when my priest told me that life is a gift after I asked why I would be doomed to hell if I killed myself…and I got to thinking, life is a gift, but if a gift is given to you and it breaks, and no matter how many times you try to fix it, it stays broken. You wouldn’t expect the person to hold on to something so useless would you?
I am not very good at this anymore but I didn’t know what else to do so here goes. I have spent the better part of the last 15 years thinking about suicide everyday. When I was young I actually attempted it a time or two. I used to talk about it, I used to write poetry and letters to deal with it, until one day it all blew up in my face. My “friends” Who “understood” all of a sudden didn’t anymore, my parents tried to have me committed, and my poems and letters were used against me. It all went to hell in […]
So for a while now I’ve noticed that I have an “unpleasant” energy. Some people would assume I’m weird or awkward, I feel like I repel people from me. When I was younger I use to believe it was people being intimidated by me.
I’ve been told that I’m an open book. No matter how hard I try to suppress these emotions and try to fake it I show no progress. I work in solitude, where I see people on a daily basis. A seedy looking man walked in and reeked of cologne. He had his top button loose and a greasy looking Elvis curl. I […]
I lost my father to suicide and harbor no harsh feelings toward him for what he did. He was in pain, depressed, unable to break away from alcohol and drug addiction and the worst part to him was the IRS said he owed $50,000 in back taxes and he had no idea why. Turns out after his death the IRS informed us he really didn’t owe anything, in fact, they owed him! A sickening feeling that was. The IRS was the first mention in his suicide note. They killed my father just as much as he killed himself…but I digress…Now I stand in his place, […]
…Once you realize this, life becomes a bit easier to bear. The truth is, whether you asked to exist or not doesn’t matter. Whether you have a loving family, a good circle of friends, and a boy/girlfriend doesn’t matter. If you’re poor and suffer from some physical impairment, that also doesn’t matter. Why not, you ask?
Simply because life isn’t fair. Some people are born ahead of others, whether they’re subjectively ‘good’ people or not. Some people just suffer their whole lives for no reason at all.
The universe doesn’t give a fuck about your happiness. So if you’ve been holding out and hoping things are going […]
what bothers me is that there are so many people in the world. so many people are depressed. so many people cut. so many people have lost someone they love. so many people have attempted suicide. so many people have gone through with it. so what makes me any different? Â if I killed myself tonight, why would it matter? I’m one of many so it wouldn’t cause any damage. the world wouldn’t stop so why dont I just do it? how much damage will really be done? not much. the thing is, I’m scared of what will happen if I don’t go through with it. […]
When you sink into your low points, the pro/con ratio presents itself. You search for reasons to stay or go. It’s pathetic that a lifetime bottles down into a risk vs. reward scenario.
My question is, do you really need a reason? Do you honestly have to maul over the burdens that make living desirable?
It can be true that most of life’s setbacks are temporary problems. But some linger and will never be resolved. When they continue to stack up and never find a working solution, hope is in decline.
So I find it’s not as simple as hovering over one reason or a couple. It’s […]
I’ve been searching all over google (I know that’s amateurish) but no matter how I try, I can’t find any. Can you guys help me out? And please for the love of god please do not preach to me, I’ve heard it all before. So yeah, any recommendations?
She’s the reason I’m alive… My girlfriend. But it feels like the whole world is trying to keep us apart. When I see her smile, I smile. When I kiss her, the whole world disappears. When I’m with her, I’m at peace. But, no matter what my parents think, my friends think, my family thinks. She’s the reason I’m alive. Another girl broke up with me (before this girl) and I really cared about her. We only lasted a month, but I still cared greatly. When we split, I wanted to die. All those suicidal thoughts I had forgotten about for 3 years, came rushing […]
The day we have to be parted
When I don’t have you next to me
The distant between us makes me feel weary and loneliness begins to creep into my heart
But everytime when I hear that song… the song we used to listen together, my heart gets dirtied away
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As if I could feel your tender warmth when you were near
Do you know there is this one song… whenever I hear it, I would only think of you
And I don’t know how long it would be till we […]
Sometimes I just wish, I could run away and hide.
No matter where I go though, these feelings stay inside.
How can I stay here and live each day a lie,
When all I want to do is close my eyes and die?
I see the pain I cause you, with every tear I shed.
I plead with you now mum, let me go instead?
I wish I could take you with me, to a happy place,
Whether it exists though, is time for me to face.
Can I ask for your forgiveness? For you to set me free,
It may seem ungrateful, but this […]
At any moment I could go
At any moment I could leave
At any moment I could die
At any moment I could stop
At any moment I could submit
I could let go
I could not care
I could break more
I could stop loving
I could hate you
But I cannot let go
But I cannot not care
But I cannot break more
But I cannot stop loving
But I cannot hate you
Why? I can’t let go of you.
Why? I can’t not care about you.
Why? I can’t break anymore because I’m already broken so much.
Why? I can’t stop loving you no matter […]
its not my fault i was born this way. its not my fault this has happened to me. im so sorry! i have tried so hard. it doesn’t matter. i am letting down those who i love the most. i cant live like this…
I was told by a doctor that the reason I am sick is because I lack positive thinking.
This was a professional medical doctor.
I was supposed to tell this idiot that I would get better in a matter of months. The positive thinking would make it so.
If I did not repeat the words, that I would be healed, then it was my own fault if I stayed sick, because it meant I wanted to remain sick.
I declined.
I have an incurable genetic defect. I have had it since birth. I am disfigured by it. It is not curable.
Doctors….or demons?
Lady, to me, you will always be a demon.
Depression is an illness and so is bipolar but life is a disease for which there is no cure. I’m sick of these fuken feel good therapists- they live inside a bubble that they wont break out of fear,and have permanent rose coloured glasses on-maybe ignorance is bliss- if it doesn’t penetrate the mind then it doesn’t matter . What about them god lovers they live in their own worlds too if something goes wrong they see it as a lesson from god and praise and are delighted by this! Nothing makes sense anymore -and nothing really matters!! No one can see behind the masks that […]
I suffered a brain injury 5 years ago and came out of it pretty well considering. Last summer I suffered another injury that has caused some of my brain injury to come back along with new problems. I lack impulse control and I’m severely depressed and get angry easily. It’s just a matter of time before that lack of impulse control triggers me to act on my depression. Even without that problem I try and talk myself out of committing suicide. It would be so much easier for this life to be over.
Everybody’s got something
They had to leave behindÂ
One regret from yesterdayÂ
That just seems to grow with time…
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There’s no use in looking back or wonderingÂ
How it could be now or might have beenÂ
All this I know but still I can’t find ways
To let you know
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Somewhere in my memoryÂ
I’ve lost all sense of timeÂ
And tomorrow can never beÂ
Because yesterday is all that fills my mind
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There’s no use looking back […]