So here I am again. Alive and healthy, better than actually, my physic is great. Maybe that’s irony? Does that make me a coward? A fake? How long have I wanted to die after all?
I wanna say it’s harder when you see the people it would hurt, and you know they’ve gone though a lot of the same pain you have, and you wouldn’t hesitate to die to spare them just a little more. Maybe that’s what it means to have a reason to live? But since when do I care about other people? I’m the asshole. That’s how it works. I don’t build […]
Tag:
maybe
How do you wait so long for something that should already be??
How do you take a break from waiting??
Im only waiting on my heart to break.
So maybe i wont feel so tired of waiting.
I was adopted at birth, and for good reasons.
I never felt “true love” from my adopted parents even when they said so or acted like it, because in the back of their heads, I was there to fill an emotional hole before anything else.
I never had a friend who truly cared about the Universe. Maybe they weren’t smart enough or weren’t as curious as I am, but still it sucks when you can’t relate to anyone in your entourage, since virtually all the people you know of are actually “playing similar games”, and by doing so, miss the opportunity to look at things from other perspectives.
I […]
Im lost. Feel like life just flipped upside down and idk what is going on or which way is the way outta here. I don’t know if it matters.
More materials have also mysteriously disappeared in the last week. I don’t know where they’re going or if it’s nice and sunny there, but it’s getting increasingly difficult to finish this project. Still have lots of paper. Maybe there’s a way to make walls out of that.
Right now all I want is to be held, and told that I’m ok. I’m not ok. It doesn’t feel like I ever will be. Maybe at some distant point down the road, I’ll find that I’ve somehow become worthy of love, and worthy of life. But right now I am alone. I see no way through. Why go on, when you don’t really believe the destination exists? Because the hope of it is all you have left.
I can’t take it anymore. I’m all alone all the time. I have no friends. Even my parents are against me. I can’t talk to anyone, but I yearn so much for a bit of understanding. My parents have abused me since I was little. They made fun of my looks, my behaviour, my friends (I had few when I was younger) and the things I liked even though I tried to be the perfect daughter. I stopped liking the things they didn’t like, I kept my room clean most of the time, I learned to get only A’s in school, I was polite to […]
im not really sure what im expecting from this i guess
maybe someone to relate to? im not sure anymore, i just need someone
im completely lost and torn between wanting to live and wanting to die
i’m a 15 year old female from scotland, and honestly, all i want is a friend
I’m back again in SP, well, of course. Never actually left. I’m in a strange mood in a bad way so I think this will be a ranting post of how undecided/unsure I am about some important things. Just going to number them, I like structure, haha.
I’m sure I should exit. This is the correct and logical decision for me. And I have some arguments that are pro and against which totally confuses me.
I can fail. Although my method is quite sure, there is always a chance. Most likely I will back out because survival instinct is a ..tch. Then it will be a huge […]
I have been putting a lot of thought into religion lately and I get it. Religion is important in a lot of peoples lives and they get angry when you want to freely discuss god instead of blindly follow. A good friend of mine killed herself a few years back. We were part of the Jehovah’s witness cult and she had voices in her head telling her to hurt herself. She went to the elders of the church (because that’s what you would do) and they told her she needed to pray more. Not one of those motherfuckers though maybe she should go to see […]
Hell, I don’t know what to name this. Fuck it, maybe this was interesting enough to grab your attention anyways
by thelost
written by thelost
Hey you! Yeah you! Wanna know something before I continue on with this thing? You don’t? Well piss off, I’m doing it anyways. This is going to include more than just her, it’s going to be myself as well. Maybe a deviation from my usual style, but maybe that’s a good thing.
Her hair is pulled behind her hair in some sort of braid. It rests perfectly behind her neck and trails down the back of her blue shirt. She’s ignoring me right now, but that’s okay. At the moment she’s manning the register and she’s doing something that I’m confused just looking at. This menial […]
Can’t take feeling this anymore. Unacceptable. Gotta change something. Do something.
So, what’s holding me back from living a worthwhile life?
Well, superficially, there’s all the minor health issues. Just enough to make me uncomfortable most of the time, without actually being severe enough to deserve medical attention (not that most of them are curable anyway.) Either my skin problems are flaring up. Or my stomach problems. Or my allergies. Or my insomnia. Or my back problems. The combination means I never feel well.
On top of that, there’s all the little embarrassing physical inadequacies (both real and perceived.) Because I need more reasons to feel inferior.
But let’s put […]
the same end after any fight
tried to be a hero smash the bad guy , so guess what
back to cut again back to cry back to anger back to be a suicidal again ..! it’s not a big surprise I guess .. maybe just its who I am
a smashed one
Dreams better than reality? Why Dream is better than reality? Why is Dreams better than reality?
by niki
written by niki
Why Dreams is better than reality?
Why is Dream better than reality?
Why is dreams better than reality? Why dream is better than reality?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality / human’s fantasy is better than reality.
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi / sci fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, MMORPG , Interstellar , The Matrix , Avengers , X-Men , etc etc, they are much more interesting, full […]
I hate feeling so incredibly happy at the start of the day only to feel so down by the end of it.
I woke up yesterday feeling hopeful about a new day. Listening to upbeat music and making good breakfast. After previous night’s failed attempt, I felt a little better about myself and thought that maybe everything’s gonna be alright.
I met up with my bestfriend before going to school, to atleast calm my nerves and reduce anxiety. She told me how she got extra money as educational assistance from the local gov’t, I was pretty excited about it too since I could use the money. (tbh […]
Despite nearly trying to end my own life again last week (without even posting on here, I might add, my head was a little too swimmy to form sentences) I feel strangely alive today.
Maybe it’s just because I finally mustered up the willpower to wash my hair for the first time in two weeks, because I am a disgusting human being. I just found it difficult to do much, so I didn’t wash my hair. But I did it today, and I feel strangely good. More like a person now, rather than something that lay there doing nothing.
Maybe it’s just because I’m not […]
Well, it’s simple and maybe stupid but today’s my birthday. I’m 22. My friends and family forgot about it, like every year. My best friend and my (now ex) boyfriend totally forgot it too. I have been sad since September, 2014. Recently I have been even sadder. I have been considering suicide but I don’t want to make people feel sad, but I can’t do this anymore, I’m always crying. I’m scared of myself. There’s too much going on. I really want to die. Thanks for reading.
PS: I know this is stupid, but it’s not the main problem, I’m just too sensitive right now.
I’m scared. I feel I’m getting close to do it. And I’m afraid. I don’t want to leave. I could have a long life. I just have to endure for more 10 months. But I can’t. It’s too much anxiety and stress. I’m starting to hear that I have to be better, I have to do more and to speak more. I’m trying but I’m not good enough and I will never be. Every criticism, every fail breaks my heart.
I went to bought one more bottle of pills, but it was sold out. I don’t know if I have pills enough to kill myself […]
She stands alone in a world that is not always fair. Her soft, blue eyes look out at the world with an innocence akin to that of a child. She is not a child, however, she just isn’t as jaded as myself. “Why can’t you accept me for me? I’m not her, and I never will be. Don’t you see that I’m trying my best to make you proud, and maybe I could succeed if only you would let me.” The constant comparisons, loss of individuality, having to live up to an impossible title. Maybe that is where the compassion comes from. From the place […]
I don’t even know if you really like me. You seem to put an unusual amount of effort into trying to talk to me, but maybe that’s just the way you are. Maybe you’re just nice. You are nice. Always. Even when you seem miserable. Not in a shiny, happy, fake way, but a sad, resigned, kind way. You’re probably the most enthusiastic person I know, and you put so much effort into weird little gestures that no one really appreciates. It’s like you actually care or something. I don’t see that often. Sensitive people are rare around here.
I catch myself wanting to stop work and look […]
I don’t know if I love you anymore. I mean, I do love you, but I don’t know if I love you like I used to. After four years together, maybe we’re just in a rut or routine. I enjoy doing things with you–going places, playing games, conversing, but I don’t feel romantically drawn to you anymore. I also don’t feel drawn to anyone else though either. I still love you as a person, but not as a lover most of the time. I don’t know if you’re holding back romantically to let me deal with my issues, or because you’re feeling the same. I just […]