I WISH I HAD CONTROL!!
I never remember it.. Ever…
I WISH I HAD CONTROL…
I wish I hadn’t done it but I have..
I WANT CONTROL!!
I Â know I shouldn’t.. That it’s bad….
I WANT CONTROL…
I don’t think I can stop.. Never…
I ‘M LOST AND LONELY!!
I’m all alone in this dark abyss..
I’M LOST AND LONELY…
My Escape, Â for I have no other Wish…
When I do it, it’s sweet and painful..
The only pain left for me that I feel.
One of the few […]
So I heared ketamin works pretty well… I can imagine MDMA will also be amazing, but I’d like to get some more information. I’ve done MDMA.not as antidepressant but as party drug. The plus side of MDMA is the way you feel… loved, one, amazing and on top of the world, for three days. The down side is: your memory gets fucked up, you need to take vitamin c too protect the brain and after 3 days you get this huge downwards spiral… It was probably the worst in my life.
So I have 2 questions for you;
1. What kind of antipressents/SSRI/drugs do you use for […]
Why I am so paranoid…
Why I refuse to make new friends…
Why I always hide what I feel behind tongues…
Why I think the worst of people whom I had never met…
Why I never get close to anyone…
Well, I will tell you.. But only once for my memory isn’t the best and reliving what had happened only scars me even more…
He was there for me. He wasn’t my significant other or anything, in fact he was more of a big brother to me. You see I used to have an older brother, but he passed away due to cancer.. After many years of not having and older […]
I truly don’t know where to start; what I feel right now is from years adding up. It is from everything I have delt with and truly feels like nothing is ever enough. Please bare with my bad grammer and sentence structure I am typing as it comes to me and I’m a little shoken up at the molment.
Ok background I have two brothers who are older than me the eldest we will call Nick the middle Kevin. I am a gay male and I know the fact but have never accepted it. If you ask me I will tell you truthfully I am. If […]
Its been a bit over a month since I made my first (and only) post here. Since then, I rebounded, was on a high, doing alright actually.
Today Ive rebounded back down. Funny how suddenly it hits. And I can tell you when it hit. Some jerk at work with no courtesy ringing and carrying on that I send him a weekly report, which he doesnt want (I guess delete and ignore like everyone else does isnt in his brain). Just being put back in my place is all it takes. Now here I am wishing it was all over again.
Of course its much more complex […]
I hope everything is alright with you (whoever is reading this), or at least I hope things will improve for you at some point in time, hopefully soon.
I’ll try and keep this relatively short so I don’t take up too much of your time if you choose to read this. Also, I’ll understand if I don’t get any comments on this because I know the stuff posted on this website is usually hard to respond to. That and I usually just write random crap that doesn’t really make sense to anyone. This probably won’t flow very well, and for that I apologise. I find it […]
My Perfect Poison
We cried and screamed together
But not a word was spoken.
Dancing in one ear and out the other,
Our conversation disappears from your mind.
But instead of floating away like nothing,
These words surround me,
Slicing and suffocating
Until all I know is the sound of my own despair.
It’s everywhere.
This memory of what we were
And could still be
Is haunting in its sadness
And its beauty.
First above the rest, but somehow always last.
And yet the heart in me
Clings to its own demise,
Those poisoned lips baiting me for another kiss.
And I accept,
Hurt and beaten by your love
And left too crippled to ever let you go.
I haven’t been an avid writer on this cite, I haven’t been able to make any relationships with any of you, and I know this cite is to relieve oneself from the frustration of that constant feeling of undying depression, but I just wanted you all to know how thankful I am for all the help you have given me. Because even though you don’t know me, talked to me or even commented on anything I’ve posted, I have read your stories and I don’t feel alone. It’s been 7 months of suicide-free euphoria! Nothing has changed in my life, and if anything going through […]
So this is my first time even talking about this. I thought opinions from people i dont know might help.
I have been stuggleing with what has been described as a manic depressive disorder. I dont know of its any different from anybody elses, but the easiest way to describe it is that i can be brought down by things simple as a 3 second memory. Ill randomly become depressed for different severeties and random amounts of time. It can be mintues to months.
Latley though just cant get through it […]
September 10th of every year is World Suicide Prevention Day.  To acknowledge the importance of this day, as well as those who have forfeited their voices in exchange for freedom from their unspeakable suffering, New Middle Press would like to offer 50 free copies of Dear Mallory: Letters to a Teenage Girl Who Killed Herself to the first 50 individuals who respond (as well as the administrator of this site, if he/she would like a copy). For information about Dear Mallory, please go to www.newmiddlepress.com. If you would like […]
I want to erase myself. not kill myself, but erase myself, I feel empty. I wish my parents would never have given birth to me. I don’t want to be a memory I want to dissappear. To have never existed.
Like with my ex boyfriend, I broke up with him a few years ago, from a 2 year long distance relationship and we decided to stay as friends. When I moved back to the same area I realized that he would always ignore me when I really wanted to at least see him… but I realized, after a few months, it was already too late. Nothing, no more hopes and no more dreams. And worse of all his parents told me to just move on. His friends, whom used to be mine, they just told me to move on as well.
Not him though. He just […]
Don’t wanna breathe anymore, don’t want to think anymore, don’t wanna spend the rest of my life missing the good times, don’t wanna have a life without my family and friends, Don’t wanna have this life, some days life feels just like a sickness and death seems to be the only cure…Fucking life worth less than nothing.Â
I remember a time when I was young, I think just starting junior high school, around the time when it became all too obvious there was only one way my life could go. I was in church with my parents (Roman Catholic Sunday mass), and I was sitting in between my mother and a man who’d been in a car accident. He wore a neck brace, leg braces, and the kind of crutches that attach to the arms. Before long, he fell asleep, and my mother whispered to me to wake him up, but I wouldn’t. Her whispering grew louder and […]
I found my neighbor hanging dead in his house last week, and my journey for answers brought me to this site and I feel the need to share.
Myself and other neighbors had expressed some concern that we had not seen our neighbor for several weeks. Those weeks turned to months. We didn’t know what to do, and just hoped he was away. We didn’t really know what to do, there were no signs of foul play on the outside of his home, so the police would do nothing.
A few weeks into the concerns, I told my neighbors I would check to see if his second […]
But, sometimes her memory can get to me. Like her artwork hanging up in one of our similar classes, or seeing her eat quietly to herself during lunch hour. Brings up the painful memories of our happy times together. And this makes me lonesome sometimes. I am happy don’t get me wrong, but I just feel that hole that she created in me when I think about it. My story often reminds me of the song “Yesterday” by my most favorite band The Beatles. And sometimes when I listen to it, the memories of it all come flooding back to me.
I’ve shared my story before […]
Random Reminiscing , cos’ I let mom read the instructions..
(just like the bubble gum components being molded by our mouth, exchanging places to nowhere )
My clothes, school books, mags, and other toys for big men were designated to be inherited by my close relatives. I really thought she would be happy when she realizes my breathing identity is about to disappear from this lively planet, instead she scolded me, saying I had to help my brothers raise their family. So I wondered again, Am I really just the one selfish? or does it just runs in the family? Nah, we were programmed both from our […]
I’ve been moving on lately. Not in the way one would imagine. I’ve become raw and uncut in my creativity. I’m exposing myself to the world with photos of what i see, thing I model in a virtual space, things i may draw by hand and music. Oh no I’m still not happy. But I’ve decided to keep pretending.
I”m doing light work. Work as in making amends to old flames if I possibly can. Maybe an offer of friendship or two. I’m learning to forgive my parents even though they still bait trap and subtly belittle for effect, and myself because I keep making mistakes. […]
Hi there, i don’t want to go into a lot of detail so i will try keep it short. I have suffered from severe depression for 10 years. It started with a breakdown caused by a split with my boyfriend and i swallowed a bottle of paracetomol. I freaked out and called for help. After that i overdosed again and slit my wrists twice and needed stitches. I was hospitalised on and off for a few years and was mis diagnosed with bipolar type 2 disorder. I’ve seen a number of psychiatrists over the years and have been on every single medication you can imagine […]
Life was always hard on me, from the day I was born.. with an alcohlic father who had abandoned me and my mother when I was 2 and a mother who’s hobby is to blame me for everything and yell at me.. Really no one to care for me at this age. I was always alone and I tried my best to always get out of the house as much as I could because why would I stay there..
When I got older and there had been more yelling towards me, neglect, and beatings.. I even remember one time when i was in grade 2 and […]
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