Hi,this is my first post as in such . I am nineteen years old and am a male. I have always hated myself since god knows when .I am 6 foot tall and people call me ugly and fat and incapable to have a girlfriend.I always felt shy around people and I always go by the motto ” I dont give two hoots what other people thinks of me”. I have so called “Friends” who smile and laugh at me and say stuff around my back and people use me to do stuff for them. Its as if I am their puppet. My mum […]
i am numb. i am invisble. i am stuck in life. i was a mistake. i am not supposed to be here. i am pointless. why are we on this earth? just to reproduce? whats the point? should i be glad to be human? ha im not. being the most intelegent we feel the most pain. as i waste away in my tears i remember a time when i was happy and free. when you werent judged. i should just go now. i have caused so much pain to to others. i am done. sorry is just a word. i cannot undo anything i have […]
People say you feel better if you tell someone about you ‘problems’.
After posting on here for the first time and seeing the couple supportful replies, that felt good and stuff…
The beginning of this story would be that The devil is back again and she hurt me this morning, as so arrived at school, I made the mistake of letting a f ew tears drop, there were just too many to hold. My friends,I’m gonna use their first letters of their names, J came over and started doing the whole comforting thing, asking me what was wrong I knew she didn’t know what was actually […]
I am at the lowest i have ever been in my life. Sad to say, but i am starting to understand why people kill themselves. I am so depressed and can’t seem to shake it off. Im 27, a broken engagement sent me over the edge. I let any relationship im in consume my entire life and im never happy anyway because i cant seem to trust any man and end up being a crazy ***** for my insecurities. Im in love with a drug addict/alcoholic. He is a horrible person. He lies, steals, embarrasses me and doesnt work, but yet im completely addicted to […]
Today was a very bad day, and now I wonder what’s my point on this rock, when not even my friends can find a reason to need me. I’m tired of helping those, who show no appreciation and can’t even forgive the slightest mistake. I’m tired that I can’t do better than that.
So I finally in past months accepted the fact I’m bad person/human being. Why am I, well many things. I have either been told these things by random people or overheard them saying it and noticed most of it myself. I am in general unlikable, most people are very insincere to me. Most people ignore me or distance themselves. Even in best times when I was trying to be upbeat and involved in making things in my life better people still seemed to since something. I was overweight till 21(260 plus pounds), lost weight(135 pounds). Didn’t change much, I just developed a eating disorder that […]
I am leaving love around the corner with the heavens.
I am not an angel
Nor ever will be
I am something else from the darkness now.
I am leaving that side of myself where it was orignally from.
I will never be a princess
I will never be
Something that had love.
I am sorry I have failed
Memories are dead and gone, anyways
It doesn’t matter
I made a huge mistake, Tried to fix it, but I failed.
Will never be fixable ever again.
Isolation is who i was ever since
I don’t care anymore.
I don’t need help
I’m just tired of fighting for something i will never have… again
The stars have faded
and so has everything else.
Goodbye hopeless […]
Like with my ex boyfriend, I broke up with him a few years ago, from a 2 year long distance relationship and we decided to stay as friends. When I moved back to the same area I realized that he would always ignore me when I really wanted to at least see him… but I realized, after a few months, it was already too late. Nothing, no more hopes and no more dreams. And worse of all his parents told me to just move on. His friends, whom used to be mine, they just told me to move on as well.
Not him though. He just […]
A few days ago I lost my head again. It really gets more frequent. It always starts with the truth. The truth about who I am inside and out. It’s why I cry. Because I’ve worked so hard to try and fix myself. Then I realize I’m unfixable. I’m hard-corded. For the first time in quite awhile I want to know why my bio mother did not abort me instead of abandoning me. They really are quite the same. She doesn’t get to see me. And never will. If she saw the person I am and m becoming each year. She may realize the truth […]
I strangled myself today.  I made the mistake of doing this whilst standing up. When I got unsteady on my feet, I let go. I didn’t get as far as to make it to unconciousness, but I did feel a little dizzy for a few minutes afterwards.
Next time I’ll try and get myself to unconciousness. Perhaps I’ll sit down. Or maybe I’ll tie the other end of the cord up on something that won’t move, thus freeing up both hands to operate the other side thus increasing my strangulation strength.   The main reason I want to get to unconsciousness is that I want to […]
down by the river, completely soaked. I woke up to the cold water on my back. looking up  from the bank of the river i saw two ropes on a tree and one cut by my feet. I ran my ass back to my house, covered about a mile in  6 minutes. I go in my room and i see my laptop with nothing but SP open, I have no idea what happened…I did take 500x salvia which was kinda a dumb ass mistake but im so clueless right now.
When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.
So starting today…
Give up trying to be perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.  Read Getting Things Done
Give up comparing yourself to others. – The only person you are competing against is yourself.
Give up dwelling on the past or worrying too much about the future. – Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. Don’t miss it.
Give up complaining. – Do something about it.
Give up holding grudges. – Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.
Give […]
I have a friend, my best friend.. Â we have been friends since kinder garden, we were always there for each other.. no matter what.. and that is great and all, but i feel like i don’t deserve that friend. Because a couple og months ago i was at a party having a good time and all, then this really hot girl walks up to me and we start talking, everything is fine we start making out we walk to a bed room start undressing, and right before we are gonna do it my fried enters the room.. and he sees me with the girl and […]
Everyone says love yourself but I can’t. I hate myself. I look in the mirror and I see ugly and horrible. I made a lot of mistakes in my life, but that one night went too far. I lost the person I really like and my friend you talked me into it but when i did it you got mad you knew i was drugged . I hate myself. It shouldn’t have happened. But it did. Now i look in the mirror and I see skin and bones and slashes through out my body. I hate myself. Everyone is right, I shouldn’t be here. I’m […]
I _______ __________ , being of sound mind and body. Make my last request. In the event I suffer from any of the following and cannot verbally relay my last wishes.
If I have a stroke, heart attack, comatose, brain dead in any form yet still display vital signs.
I do not wish to be kept alive on any form of life support. I wish to pass on. My prolonged life will not be beneficial to me or any poor soul that may survive me. I cannot afford to be artificially kept alive. God will understand.
I have done the best I can all the time regardless of […]
“I’d wish to never rememberâ€
“It just hurts every time I doâ€
“Every one had moved on…
                                 Why can’t I…?â€
Afraid to be loved
cuz I know that love isn’t for me
Afraid to be loved
cuz all I do is hurt
Being rushed
cuz I know they’ll leave just like that
All the memories of the good
Taunts me every day
Two to three years wasn’t anything
AÂ long distance
Terrified
I sinned
My guilt
My regret
I wasn’t patient enough
Forgive and forget
Easier said then done
I broke his heart
It was my mistake
I wanted him the most
I wanted Angel to come and rescue me
But no he didn’t
He couldn’t
He wanted to be with his friends more
Than to be with me
I came back […]
My depression started when I was around 6 years old. Â It started when I was sexually abused by my cousin and his dad. At the time I didnt know what was wrong and what was right, how could I? I was just a little kid. All that ended when I was 13 years old. The sad part of my story with them is that their family is seen as the perfect family. All the kids in that family were well mannered, smart, went to good schools etc. I never told anyone what happened, because….. I didnt want to hurt my family, and I didnt know […]
Afraid to die
Yes
But this life isn’t for me
No body really cares
My family wants the best for me
But the same time they just over protect me from everything
Always wanting me to be their baby
But always wanting me to have my own life
How am I supposed to have my own life when they keep me away
The more we fight
The more I lost track of time
I messed up so much
The more I mess up
The more bitter I turned
The more arguements and fights
The more I day dream about the what if’s
I lose
Now there’s no where to go
Trapped on this lonely broken path
More afraid than ever
People say I am lucky
But […]
I don’t know why I’m even bothering, but what the hell. I’m still here. Still not in the pokey, either, though I suspect I’m running out of time.
I think I’m sticking around just to piss people off. I’m probably just chickenshit.
It dawned on me this morning that if I was someone else looking at my life and my situation, I’d be telling me to fight hell and high water. Even if I lose, I’d still get to take down a few assholes with me. My brother deserves to be in jail for rape. My narcissistic sister needs a serious dose of reality to shatter her […]
I  stumbled across this site while researching methods of suicide… I decided on Thursday t o kill myself and yesterday was supposed to be  be the day but i chckened out.  I know people say that suicide is selfish and think of your family but for me going on living seems more selfish.  I have been depressed for as long as i can remember and attempted suicide several times. I have been hospitalized  and see a therapist weekly but i am still deeply depressed and still cut daily. My mother thinks that i am crazy and wants me commited. Mostly so i would be out […]