i stopped smoking weed cause everyone told me that was the reason I was depressed. But now, I feel overwhelmed with anxiety all the time and I have such horrible violent nightmares all the time. My bf always plays really loud violent games all the time, and I wish I could shoot my head off.
This is 2nd my post. I am not suicidal right now. But it still feels worse.
Yesterday I took the knife pressed it’s sharp end on my wrist. It didn’t cut. But it was the closest I came to hurting myself. Today I want to hurt myself but I don’t have the courage. I hope when I cut myself, the little cut will open and all the frustration and negative things go outside. There’s too much dark content inside me, that needs to get out.
Is it good that I think that cutting is better than suicide. Can cutting can relieve me off this desperation or whatever […]
The guy I love has his life and a ton of friends. I can see how we’re not as close already. I have no one and he doesn’t understand. He honestly thinks he’s been rejected more than I have but I call bullshit because I’m rejected from every damn thing for my looks even for a place to stay! I’ve been told I don’t look human and shouldn’t be allowed outside. I literally am homeless because I’m too ugly for anyone to accept my money as payment for rent. I’m laying on the floor at work for fuck’s sake and it’s the first time I’ve […]
i finally got a new girlfriend after so long of being broken and alone, i moved away from my parents after being kicked out and abandoned, now i actually have a roof over my head, i’m applying for the army and looking for work, i’m started to talk to people again despite my server anxiety but still besides all of these things i still feel like i’m the same. the same as i use to be like i’m empty and still have nothing iv been trying to understand why i feel this way but i cant seem to come up with a reason as to […]
I’m just gonna go curl up in a ball under a blanket in the corner of my bed. If anyone cares to join me, you better bring some chocolate milk and a fucking donut and be prepared to cuddle for a few hundred years because I’ve sprung another leak in my left eye. I’m sick of the appointments. I’m sick of the pain. I’m sick of going through this alone and I Want nothing more than to swallow a fucking bullet… Every conversation with my worthless father is like pouring salt on an open wound. I know I’m not good enough, but can’t we pretend […]
Dear Unnamed fuckface who threw his tray across the room and tried to play it of as an accident when he realized his favorite housekeeper was there,
you piss me off. Stop asking so many personal questions. Let me do my job and leave. It’s bad enough that I scrub toilets for a living. You really REALLY don’t have to make it any worse. I’m stressed enough without people like you making my job more difficult than necessary.
Sincerely,
Samantha. The very angry cleaning lady.
In other news, my head is pounding and I’m exhausted. I’ve been asking myself the same thing all day.
Do I really […]
Bring me a poison;
I would like to swallow
The choked feeling
In my throat
Bring me a noose;
I am tired of standing up
It will help to keep me upright
Even when I finally stop fighting
Bring me a blade;
I want to bleed out
All the pain and suffering
That resided in my being
Bring me sleeping pills;
To grant my greatest wish,
My greatest desire
To never wake up to another day
Bring me a gun;
Easy and swift,
I will put it against my head
May it blast my painful memories away
Bring me a disease;
May it slowly kill me.
Slowly, like walking in […]
Well, hello everybody.
Although I’m not considering myself a banana tree, as the title would suggest, I feel like I’m losing it. I’ve become obsessed with the idea of killing myself. For about 2 years now not a single day has passed without such thoughts. And I don’t know why – there’s no rational reasoning behind this, not a thing. I’ve never been a bubbling kind of gal but now it’s getting out of hand. Every now and then I experience this ridiculous feeling that could be best described as a combination of infirmity, frustration and identity disruption, causing an actual pain, as if my head was […]
Fuck sake. First this is my fault. Do you remember P.Y from most my other posts. She was my girlfriend. The last thing keeping me a part of this world and i fucked her up with being suicidal. Now we broke up and she has a new boyfriend but has still been having sex with me. I know i fucked up there to but it gets worse. I told a few people trying to figure out what to do and im sure one of them will tell her that i told them. She would never even want to see me again if that happend. Its […]
I could really use some help. Lately I’ve been unable to sleep normally and I can’t stop freaking out over the littlest things in my life. I have to go outside and do something constantly or I get really anxious and want to scream. I can’t sleep at night because it feels like I have enough adrenaline in my body to kill a bull. I also feel lonely constantly because my two best friend (who are dating one another) are either busy, together, or in another state like my female best friend will be for a bit. So I’m going to be alone for the […]
What the hell is wrong with me, I can’t even get death right. I’m so fucked right now, I’m still alone and fucking hungry! How and when does it stop?! I don’t know if I’m just too nice or stupid. On top of it all, I’ll be homeless in a few days, I don’t have a place for my dog to go, and I just got robbed by a guy asking for a quarter!!!! A fucking quarter!!! I only had 3 dollars!!!! I want to die because my lonliness is heavy on my heart and my head now. What is there to do now?!! I […]
Blame xirzio for this shot. Sorry guys.
I feel sort of spent tonight. I’m making progress, but it never seems to be enough. Nothing can make me forget. These things that are running through my head nonstop.. They’re eating me alive. Before long, I’ll be a skeleton on the floor of the mansion that I used to call my life. When did it go so wrong? There has to be more to life than this constant […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Godsmack-Serenity-4428060HvDy.mp3
I have picked a date…a song to play on repeat…a saying to hold in my hand…I have detailed instructions for after my expiration date…no need for I love yous…as all I feel is hate…I cut myself daily to see if I still feel…I want this pain to end…I don’t want your medicine…I don’t want your pills…they only work for a little while…while these thoughts continue to infiltrate my head. I just want Serenity.
Suicidal thoughts again, cluster headaches, crying, urges to cut myself :‘( I’m feeling numb I dunno what to think or do I keep pushing people away my head is fucked up :‘( I’m fucked up I hate myself so much I’m a fucking fat worthless piece of nothing… I guess my bestfriends lied because they left me… when they said they wouldn’t I just want to hit my head off the wall and pull my hair out I have been sick I dunno what to fucking do it’s slowly killing me and no one I know stays enough to help me .. they get scared […]
there goes that numb feeling.. That emptiness and the tears follow.. Its crazy that I could actually do something with my life but its to late for me..my life was over before I had a chance to be on my own..i hate my mother she’s been through so much and if only she got help I wouldn’t be so fucked up so now I’m stuck with the damage the PTSD and depression the every day struggle to smile and act like everything is okay while going to the bathroom 3 times a day just to cut.. My brain is fried everything hurts so much..i cry […]
Hello everybody.
In my other posts, I do not think I made myself as clear as I wanted to. To me it’s a miracle I’m still here. Still breathing. Still fighting. A couple of weeks ago, I lost my best friend. She said I was too sad for her well-being. How selfish can one be? How inconsiderate?
I’m not surprised I feel like this. I feel like I’m at the breaking point. I feel hopeless not only about my social life but also because of my skin condition. I haven’t mentioned this in the other posts. I have acne. Acne that I can cover up with makeup, […]
Been down all day today and can’t really put my finger on why. Nothing special happened today, just really down all day. Should be in a good mood since I’m gonna see my son for his birthday tomorrow. When I feel this way, I always want to feel better NOW! I don’t want to wait and hope tomorrow’s better. I think of all the things that helped in the past like booze, drugs, cutting, but none of those things seem to help much anymore. They just get me in trouble, like I don’t need anymore DUI’s – the next one will be a felony. Fuck, […]
Hello there. Wanna hear a story? Well let’s take a look inside my head shall we? This story will consist of different parts and depending on how much i feel like typing, that’s how much of the story that will be posted. Anywho, let’s continue. Once upon a time there was a man who went by the name of Rodney. Rodney was addicted to cocaine. Rodney found a woman who was also addicted by the name of Renita. The two have a child and abandon that child to die. This child’s name is Isaiah. Growing up, Isaiah’s word was never believed. He would tell the […]
I don’t want to get into who I am or why I’m doing what I’m doing. I am going to kill myself tonight. I have checked into a hotel room and it is on the 11th floor. I’m looking down and it is high, I’m sure high enough to kill myself, but I have no faith in my mortality so I don’t know if jumping from this height would be enough. I am however going to land on my back, with my head tilting down so the brain stem is completly shattered. I also have been trying to get a gun for the last couple […]
Last night i tried to hang myself.
I did evrything right. No one was home, took the rope, tied it perfectly on the support. And did a slip knot on the other end. Put it across my neck and jumped. I felt myself going unconsious. And them black. All i could see was blackness. A few minutes later i regained consciousness. Evrything around me was moving, couldn’t even stand up. After like 10 mins or so i stood up and realised that i somehow managed to get myself off the noose. And my head swollen, neck swollen too, and my face it was like all the […]