I have many things I’m supposed to be thankful for. A full time job. A roof over my head. I don’t go hungry. A reliable, fuel efficient, comfortable car. Why should I hate my life? I don’t know, but I do. I hate that every plea for company to distract my mind from the negativity that I can’t stop, goes unanswered. I hate that when I vent in the only place I can think of where people I know (facebook) I just get kind words from people who will never actually do anything to help, or I get anger-filled responses that blame me for not […]
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my life
Hello,
I am a girl that now lives a life like any other citizen and do not have any particular horrible family problem — so far, at least. But I have kept on noticing how my brother seems to be mistreated in the house, as I on the other hand kept on being spoiled and cooed with by my parents. I keep thinking it’s very, very unfair for me to have such attention and for him to always be frowned at.
What makes me think he is mistreated is because every single time he voices his opinions, my father and mother both would reply with […]
Hello my fellow SP users, this is your neighborhood unlicensed, untrained, and not so neighborly therapist. I hope some of you may remember my post from a while back. If not let me refresh your memory, it was an explanation of addiction and depression and other mental disorders such as OCD. I never told you all my story. The first time I can ever remember being suicidal was when I was ten years old or so, my brother and sister had been picking on me and my mom had yelled at me for it, I felt like hell and I wished desperately that the issues […]
Relationships often make me feel empty and hollow. I’ve had friends in my life, and it seemed like the more I knew someone, the less there was to like about that person. Nowadays, I rarely leave the house. The only people who know for sure that I’m not dead are my family members and psychiatrists. I’ve told my therapist that I’m tired of living. Everyone says that I’m just inexperienced in life, and that I’ll be happier later on in life. I’m very doubtful. They think I’m just being stubborn, which is probably true. The problem that I have with life is that it’s boring […]
I dont want to die. Really I dont. But the pain is stronger than the will to live. It dominates my thoughts. It wont give me a break. I try to sleep it away, but I cant sleep long enough. Honestly I wish I would never wake up. Maybe if it were as easy as flipping a switch I would turn my life off. What I really want is my happiness. I want my family back. But without them, I am overwhelmed, and I think I have to end.
Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve thought of killing myself on multiple occasions. Most of the reasons would be because of feelings of inadequacy, helplessness and frustration. When I was a little girl, I would often think of running away from home. I would plan which bag I would take, which clothes I would take away, and would decide whether to take the bus or a taxi to wherever I was going to run away to. I have been planning my escape since I was nine.
I am not an only child. I was not abused. I did not come from a poor family; we […]
I realized that I don’t want to be alone, because being alone truly sucks. I am so unhappy with my physical appearance that it just depresses me and makes me so insecure. Over the past few months I have gained 22 pounds and until recently I lost 10 pounds. I feel so ugly and I want to change but its so hard, I guess I don’t want it bad enough huh? I gave my all to someone that took advantage of it and just hurt me. And now I’m afraid, I don’t want to do that again and so I don’t. I don’t let myself […]
27 weeks. I was gone for 27 weeks. And you were the closest thing I had to home.
Granted I didn’t know you for 10 of those, but hey training has this way of flinging the unexpected in your face. More often then not, it’s a hot steamy pile of crud… but not you. I remember walking through the hall past the other platoon females room while you unpacked your duffle. I remember thinking to myself how beautiful the lines in you shoulders were. How the cut of your jaw was strong and masculine yet soft and feminine. you were the most beautiful creature I had […]
I don’t really know why I am posting this. Perhaps it is just to pass the time or perhaps it is because there is one else I can tell. That doesn’t matter.
I have been bullied my whole life. It really crushed me inside and I started self harming when I was twelve. Despite the fact that the bullying has stopped, my life is still greatly impacted by it. I am incredibly self conscious of how I look, what I say, and even in every miniscule thing I do. I can’t make one little mistake without thinking about it all the time. I can’t even handle […]
I mean, like really, this is a joke.
I am 16. 16 damn it. I used to dream of how awesome my life would be at 16. This is just ridiculous .
I find no pleasure at anything. My friends are just people that I hanged out with at some point in my life and our friendship dragged out, people that I have come to absolutely despise. I despise pretty much anyone my age really. Everyone is so happy or relaxed or something, as if life is a fun little game.
I have some very firm beliefs : Suicide is stupid , but more importantly , it’s a […]
So, I know many of us were not able to complete uni/college and some of us are busy in the middle of doing so. Well, I am from a different end of the spectrum and am in a position I never thought any one could be in…I finished my bachelors, in my final year I had a very severe mental break down yet still managed to pass (albeit at the bear minimum).
So whats the problem, you may be wondering? Well, you see…I don’t remember anything from my degree. I literally (I’m not making this up) know nothing. Might as well not have done it. Yep […]
Well I have just a couple days left before I leave this place for good. I have arranged to see my two youngest daughters on this day so I can hold them in my arms one last time and tell them how much I love them. Nobody sees this coming and I am sure it will shock them all, but it will look like an accident as I have done my work. I have my notes wrote to my daughters and a will that is notarized leaving both my daughters everything. Life should not be this hard as I have contemplated this for years as […]
I have never felt like I belonged. I’m different. I’m not weird or anything but I have no interests in life. I never have. I have always felt alone even when I’m with somebody. I stay here because I have responsibilities. Everyday I come closer to just ending it all. I have bad days and then I have really bad days. Nobody understands me, so I pretend to be content with my life to make it easier on my family. Inside I’m dying. I’m suffering. Life wasn’t meant to be lived by me I have known this since I was 12. I am not meant […]
I have a job as a seasonal tax preparer. It’s not great, but it’s a step into the accounting field. I’ve started this semester with an unprecedented 3.86 GPA. I’ve never had higher than maybe a 3.20 in my almost 34 years of life before this.
And I’m empty. Broken. There’s a highly specifically shaped hole in my heart and in my life. A life that is falling apart around the edges. The check I postdated to pay for one textbook will bounce. I can’t pay for the other at all. There is no more help from […]
I was so stupid. How could I have possibly thought that I was capable of true happiness?
I was doing so well. For about a year, I fell into and out of deep fits of depression. I attempted to take my life twice and no one even noticed. Even the doctors thought it was all accidental….but then, I just stopped caring all together. I figured that the depth of my state would eventually kill me off. I was no longer concerned with living or dying. If there were ever a limbo for humans, I’d entered it. At some point in my state of limbo, a wonderful […]
My tears can’t stop falling,
And it feels like dying.
Please someone tell me how to stop loving someone so much. So fucking much. Should I tell him? I don’t want to lose my best friend ever. I’d prefer to be miserable for the rest of my life instead that he stops talking to me and treating me like his best friend.
I’m still trying to hang on to my life. I’m exhausted by bad ptsd symptoms. I want to move away from my abuser and feel trapped on disability. My brain is so tired and I hear voices at night. My internet and phone on the same day went out and it was hell. By the grace of God thank you Jesus the internet is bad on, and I still have to find another phone carrier b/c Verizon was not helpful in getting me an upgrade. Stupid story. I am terrified of the new neighbor coming in and I am missing my priest who left and […]
The people on this site are really nice, but when you have a problem, that when you tell someone, no matter how nice they are, they will judge you in disgust and hate you, what do you do? If someone found out, I’d be immediately hospitalized and possibly arrested. I am so scared of being hospitalized again. I was hospitalized once a couple years ago from midnight to 4:30 AM. Worst few hours of my life. Also, I wouldn’t want my family to get upset over this, because I’d just be the family problem again, and if they knew, they’d hate me too. It’s not […]
I wanted to start over in life when i got out of high school but now i noticed i cant wait that long. If i want something i must fight for it, i cant just give up so easily. So today I’ve decided to put my life first for it is more important then getting messed up over things..im going to forget everything, today i am a new person no more crying, no more cutting or hurting myself…high school is where you make memories and thats what im going to do, im going to be myself and not being depressed or down. Its time for […]
A disclaimer to the world.
I really don’t belong. There’s no conceivable place on this planet where I belong.
The public is my enemy. If you put someone in front of me, I’ll do everything in my power to disregard them, including not-disregarding them. My mask is so genuine that it even deceives myself half the time, such is the cost of being able to blend into society, and avoid being a homeless bum the rest of my pitiful existence (of which will continue to be a pitiful existence, bum or not, however bums are publicly pitiful, which is why I’m willing to throw myself away most […]