We are all on here for different reasons and have been driven to consider taking our own lives due to a wide range of experiences. We are a diverse company of sufferers. And that is as it should be.
I haven’t posted here with any regularity in many months. I’ve been in Puerto Vallarta since August 1st and will return to the states on Jan 26th, as planned.
Its been a time of great introspection, highs and lows and just plain old acceptance of who and what I am, and what is possible for me. I […]
It’s harmless right. I’m not bothering anyone. I wish I was dead. Life is a ****ing joke! This is so stupid, I am so stupid, life is so stupid. I have known for many years how I would die. By my own hand, hanging from a tree in Letchworth, with the tips of my toes lightly brushing the snow topped forest floor. No one will find me until spring when the hikers break, hunters aren’t allowed in the state park. I have always loved that place, it’s so spiritual. I just keep thinking of my body being defiled by him. I am just left in […]
Why do we celebrate thanksgiving when its really a time of mass murder? Why do we celebrate Christmas and buy all sorts of junk when so many are starving? Why are priests molesting the kids? Why did people boot stomp babies, and pull them apart in fours called quartering? Why were Jews killed by the millions? Why were Africans killed by the millions? why does it seem like a cycle that will never end? I dont blame any race , color, creed or nationality for any of this.All that most of us have become and learned has been around and handed down from generation […]
It started out with being fired and then it went to trying to come off paxhell! Rapid heart beat…hospitalization for the first time for panic attack. Its been a slow downward spiral for 6 months. Two days ago i realized all this pain is my fault and i can’t take it anymore. I can’t take the ocd and the guilt, the derealization, the pills. I can barely hold down my job. Im afraid im going to give up. I can’t take it. Waiting to see this specialist and this specialist. Im so embarrassed but i dont have the energy to wait anymore. Im so tired […]
I dont know how this site works. What im supposed to write on. All i know is im tired of holding my feelings inside. I was diagnosed with a Chronic disease in 5th grade, and i almost died. What didnt help was kids telling everyone i was faking it or teachers telling me “you couldve done your homework while you were having an mri” etc. My dad is basically a zombie. Ever since both his parents died and he lost his job, he has no emotions. Hes never happy.. He just sits there and types on the computer. My mom is always yelling at me, […]
Sometimes I wonder what the point of all of this is? When those thoughts start running through my mind I can’t help but wonder what it would be like if I ended it all. However, I don’t want to hurt the small amount of people that actually care about me which is why I haven’t and probably wont ever do it. It’s still depressing to have all of these thoughts. I really wish I didn’t. On some level I feel guilty and I feel like maybe I’m taking everything for granted. Compared to others my life is pretty normal I suppose. At least now it […]
I’m 36, I’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts for years. I’ve attempted it a couple of times. I’ve been sinking back into depression again and I want to die. I have a son, who is the only reason I haven’t ended my life yet. I worry about him. He’s a cutter. My boyfriend and I are having problems. I think he’s cheating on me and last night we had a physical altercation. I’m badly bruised and sore today. In 2 years, he’s never done that. I don’t know why he is now. I have no one to talk to. I’ve thought about taking pills and driving […]
Sometimes it’s not always about your surroundings and situations. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I hate myself. I have my good and bad days like everyone else. If I’m honest though, I can’t stand myself. I can hardly find a single positive attribute of myself. That is simply the fact of it for me. My life has been a series of shitty decisions on my part, situations/circumstances/incidents that have crippled me and/or haunted me. I’ve always told myself that there are people who have it worse and not to be a baby. I have done most everything I can think of […]
Hello my name is Jeff black, the truth is people have the right to do what they want to and freedom comes at a price,
anyway well I have changed my mind on how I feel, it comes to my attenstion that’s life isn’t worth chucking away,
to be honist, things happen to people that make us wake up some times, to I still think people have the right end their end own exsitence if they want to yes, but that doesn’t mean that happiness is impossible to find,sometimes it can be found when we least expect it,
anyway good luck to people on this […]
I was born into relatively lower middle class family. My mother is an school teacher all her life and my dad is an alcoholic since forever working in construction. Ive born into a small town, with no opportunites and with no financial aid, I attended the school and finished by graduating 12 classes. As a kid I played used to enjoy playing football or just pass time as a computer which is most of my whole life. But If I were to defy myself Im incredibly shallow, no confidence/self esteem, have not felt anything in years, no-one to care for or something to hold value […]
i suffered from social anxiety and major depression since i was a about 14 years old i was too afraid of people so i drop out of school and all i used to do is stay at home all day playing video games i was to afraid to go out my house i felt like people were always watching me, talking about me and making fun of me. also with my depression i was always in pain, so i had no friends, no girlfriends after so many years of pain i tried drugs, i started smoking weed for about 6 months but it only made […]
Hello. My name is Bill and I’m 45 y/o.
This is the first time I have spoken to anyone about this, but I feel compelled to right now.
My life began falling apart about 7 yrs ago, and has continued to worsen to the point where I feel the end is near.
I had it all. Married. Great job and career. House. Cars, financially stable and moving up and forward. No kids though. Wife couldnt have kids. Then, in the course of a few weeks I lost everything. Lost my job. Two weeks later, wife left me unannounced. Saw neither coming. Lost everything in divorce. […]
wow, there’s nothing quite like failing spectacularly at finding a job to make one want to off oneself. there’s nothing quite like becoming a pathetic free-loader for almost a year, desperate and hopeless.
my life is going nowhere.why continue?
A little time ago I tried to kill myself.
I was taking these meds for depression and anxiety and also some kind of sleeping pills, ’cause I was feeling really bad. I have abandoned school and I’ve spent my days sleeping, crying, talking with my therapist, doing to myself all kind of self harm, drinking all night and things like these.
I was afraid of the night, ’cause even if my mother was trying to take care of me ’cause she knew everything, at night I was somehow always alone. When everyone slept I was always still there, facing my demons in the dark, trying not to […]
Nobody seems to understand what I’m feeling, even if someone know what I’m fighting. I’m desperately searching for someone in which I can confide. I want to talk about my feelings ’cause they’re too heavy for only one person. I feel stupid when I try to talk with someone about all I’m thinking.
I feel like a fool. Sometimes insane.
I’m so afraid of everything. I don’t want to be alone in this, but it’s so complicated and I feel like it would never end. I want to finish this story, this black long chapter of my life. It’s me that I’m really fighting?
I want someone which […]
I used to have faith of some kind (no specific religion; I considered myself to be Agnostic) but after having experienced life and seeing so many horrible things, I no longer believe in a “higher power”. The chaos of life and the fact that there is no control and ultimately no consequences for the vicious acts that humans carry out every day is terrifying. I often find myself cursing at God and then reminding myself that no one can hear me.
With the exception of going to work, I live my life in absolute isolation because I don’t trust anyone (twenty some odd years and I haven’t met one […]
Dear she who will not be named
I never asked you to be a part of my life. You shouldn’t have ever said hello or looked my way. That day on the subway when for some reason or another you asked me to watch your shit while you paid, you should have just thanked me and been on your way. There was no reason to start a conversation, to ask me about my day or any of it. You were just a stranger and it’s funny that after everything that happened that’s all you are once more. A stranger. Somebody that I thought I knew, that I thought […]
“No one talks to her, she feels so alone
She’s in too much pain to survive on her own
The hurt she can’t handle overflows to a knife
She writes on her arm and wants to give up her life”
When ever I hear this song this is the part when I start to cry…This pretty much perfectly describes my life and I’ve noticed it for years now. I seriously need help but I refuse to tell my parents about my depression, my mom already thinks she fucked up on raising us and I feel like telling her about it will only […]
I always feel like i shouldn’t be like that, that people have it worst then me and that i’m being depressed over stupid thing and ugh like that girl i just read about her past and looking at my life i’m having it the easy way so maybe i should just grown up and stop being a child cause everything is right, right? Maybe i should just forget about my depression cause other have it worst. I remember having a message from this anonymous guys telling me how i’m shit cause all the things that ever happen to me are baby scars and that other […]
Tears taste salty. When you just shed tears, they give a sensation of warmth in the eyes. When they roll down to the cheeks and neck, it feels cold. After crying for about an hour the tears stop rolling no matter how hard you cry inside.Crying all nights gives early morning headaches. These are facts I never thought I would have to acknowledge someday. But, here I am practically experiencing every inch of it. Its not coming to an end. I’m not sure if this tunnel chose me or I chose that, but I am walking through a dark tunnel and I can’t see light. […]
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