I feel as though i keep getting chases to “start over”… however i end up either back in the same place or missing where i was before. I feel like even though i have change of scenery all my baggage (especially of the emotional kind) always keeps me revisiting my past. I need to let go and move on. I dont belive in forgetting your past but for my case I dwell on it so much I need to completely push it back into the “vault” and only revisit the past when I have my head and life together; because right now I am just […]
Tag:
my life
a few days ago my dog died and I’m utterly lost without her. She was old when we got her (8 years) and we had her for almost 5 years, in fact the anniversary of her adoption is on the 14th. I miss her so much, it feels as though there is this perpetual emptiness without her, her existence was an integral part of my life and without her I don’t know what to do. I haven’t been feeling myself since she died, I miss her so much. She was my best friend, my sidekick, my homeslice, my nigga. I just can’t believe she’s gone
Figured I’d vent on a perfectly nice Saturday afternoon since it’s not like I’m gonna be doing anything else for the rest of the weekend. To start off, I don’t have any tragic or sad past. I’ve never had a near death (or near life, for that matter) experience, never been molested by a strange uncle in a Garfield mask, never had some heartbreaking-ly awful romantic incident. Just a boring white male who’s lived a trite and meaningless life.
I wouldn’t say I’m depressed in a traditional sense, I don’t spend hours in bed trying to get up or experience general lethargy, but I sincerely want […]
I thought about it so many times but i wanted to stay positive and not starve again…but sadly it just didn’t happen. High school- a place where you will be happy, have a great education, and figure out who you really are. I really wanted this to be the definition in my words, i really wanted to tell everyone how awesome it was to have friends and be beautiful and have harvard grades, i really wanted to be like my brother…it sucked. Because no matter how hard you tried, it would stay the same. I still remember all the people who called me ‘fat’, ‘ugly’, […]
This is my first post on this site, I’ve come here more than a few times to read your stories and poems when I need to cry or try and feel better. But today things are different.
I’ve struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was about 13, I’m 25 now.
As a kid, I was an elite athlete. I dove springboard and tower and I was really, really good at it. So good that at 12 years old I was already training 5 nights a week and had set a National record for my age group. Being so good brought a lot of pressure into […]
I can’t shake this feeling. I can’t stop crying and the tantrums keep getting worse. I recently started seeing a doctor, and all I do is cry but I feel relieved talking about my pathetic life to someone who can help me. Now I face something that frightens me, I’m only allowed 8 free sessions because I don’t have insurance. I feel like everyone leaves me, I’m afraid I’ll get comfortable only to lose my doctor. Everyone walks out of my life, I can’t stand people and yet I hate being alone. I don’t know what I want out of life, and I want to […]
So today was (…)
This year.. This year I can’t say I wished for a lovely husband, or for a perfect GPA, or to be a good cook or to have a pleasant job or whatever.. This year I wished I’d die,, That’s what I wished for.. Success is nothing when you’re alone.. And I figured I might be alone for a long long time.. That’s why God made me the only girl.., and it wasn’t just me so that my parents will have no one but me and they’ll be obliged to spend more time with me and by that I wont be alone.. […]
I don’t think I can last til Jan, maybe I’ll speed everything up & check out on my bday (nov 29). I am so sick of living with these inconsiderate idiots! She doesn’t even seem to care about her own children! He put them to bed without showers & still in their sweaty, dirty day clothes. He is such a hypocritical, chauvinistic prick, writing rules for all of us to follow, but they don’t apply to him.
They are both downstairs, playing video games & have music up so loud it is amplified in the kids bedrooms! I can’t even be in my own ‘room’ cos […]
I have no one in my life and im all alone.
…speak the same language.
But hola there.
And as a shy n’ paranoid beign i am i will hide some of the reasons that brought me here (if u don’t mind)
Today is a rainy day but there is no difference to me ’cause i always bring this grey cloud over me. In fact ,i choosed this nickname because the word ‘luck’ wasn’t a very sudden thing in my life. Not only this, but 8 more to come, one worse than the other.
Dunno anything, i just want to die an maybe get some ice cream : )
I’m sick. Had an appt. with the surgeon today. Blah blah blah, more tests, blah blah blah.
Just ended a 10 year relationship. He didn’t want to marry me. Or live with me. Or commit to me in any meaningful way.
I want to feel better. I want to go on with my life and get medical treatment and be okay. I really do.
I just don’t think I have the strength to survive the pain I’ll have to go thru to come out the other end. Mental pain physical pain. All of it.
Maybe I’m a coward. Maybe I’m just broken and exhausted.
Suicide […]
I feel…dead….I know thats my wish. Is to die…but i already feel dead. Im empty, broken, soul-less. I just feel alone and lost. Why do I even bother trying to get people to like me? Why do I event ry and fit in? To be normal? Im not. Im far from normal. Im a monster. First a monster to myself, but now I’ve let it free and it’s terrorizing those around me. My parents keep getting mad at me cause I “hide in my room all day” yeah, well thats cause I’m trying not to hurt anyone besides myself. So I lock myself in my […]
Hello, I have severe migraines and headaches- headaches daily, migraines every several months or so and they last for usually one to two or three weeks. I’m a fire Tech student but because of my migraine I haven’t been to class since two weeks ago. It hurts constantly and on top of that I dislocated my knee in class several weeks ago trying to advance a charged hose line.
At at this point everything hurts and becoming a firefighter seems to be looking less and less like a possibility. Today I’m likely to be kicked out of one of my classes for lack of attendance and […]
So, this is my first time posting and I’ll try to keep it short. My life has actually been pretty normal but i still have overwhelming darkness that over takes me somtimes. It used to be triggered by big events but more and more it’s small and insignificant things that send me on a downward spiral. I’ve read posts on this site off and on for my two years or so and sometimes it gives me enough perspective to realize that my life probably isn’t as bad as it feels or as i perceive it to be. However, I still find myself contemplating ending it. […]
ughh my life sucks. recently got sober from bad drug addiction..again. went to rehab 6 months, when i get out my ‘gf’ is 5 months pregnant (ya, not mine obviously].. end up relapsing…i still love this girl, she got me on the drugs in the first place….she’s had the kid now, she only calls when she needs something..i always help her out [always been the case]. now shes sober, or so she says… as am i, and she wont talk to me.. i got a new job, she came in the restaurant i manage with her baby daddy not knowing i worked there…just sent me […]
Hi, I am new and suicidle, i want to feel better and I guess the best way is to know some people to talk to, or perhaps do the exit thing together, want something to change in my life, I guess friend matters a lot, been by myself for too long……. Anyone?
Rereading the title of this post almost makes me chuckle. The passivity inherent in it, that eventually I will do something, is the way i’ve been living my life up until this point. It’s part of the reason I want to end my life. But not the only reason.
The reason is, I have always felt outside of the norm. I’ve always felt rejected and set aside, despite being told I was loved, I felt somehow dismissed. I know that in school I was indeed rejected and set aside. I was a wierd kid. I can’t let go of the idea of what I used to be, […]
i dont knkw what it is, from the age of 12 my whole life changed ive never liked myself. i have just split up with my boyfriend today. we was together for 2 years, wenr through alot together he made me feel wanted and loved, made me feel like there was actually good things to me. i thought everything was fine, we talked about having a baby, getting married how much we loved each other. we went on a mini break to devon to just be together without any one else, without work just to spend time together. i was happy.. he told me today […]
Hello all,
This is not a suicide note. Nor is it a plea for help, understanding, and it’s definitely not intended to try and scour out techniques and methods for end of life. I know what I’m prepared to do (helium exit bag seems to be the winning candidate so far) and I’ve set a date for December 1st. I did this because what little hope I have left (eroding by the minute – literally), things might (but probably wont – story of my life) turn around.
I joined this board because for years I’ve been thinking of ending my life. I’m a complete and total failure and […]
Well, I’ve certainly thought about suicide long enough and after 3 attempts I sure know how to cross the psychological line, to push through the barrier, to take my own life. So why do it? Well, here’s why…
– Abuse as a child. Now, whilst that may kill some all on it’s own believe it or not it’s not the only reason. Just one of a long long list of abuses I’ve endured
– Cancer at age 17. Battled that for 5 years and still carry significant issues 35 years later. One doctor butchered me so bad that even other doctors asked “Who did that to you?”. […]