Does sadness have an age? Does it mature like wine? Is there a definition for true sadness? I guess sadness is defined within itself. Sure I’m 18 and I can safely say that I haven’t experienced life by any means. That doesn’t really matter though because experiencing this pain is enough. People who try to reason with me never understand. They treat my condition as something that you shrug off because ‘nothing really bad has happened’. That is so far from the point. I’m sure you all understand though, what it’s like to feel so depressed without any reason and that honestly makes it hurt […]
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my life
I delay suicide because I’m afraid of the other side but deep down I know things will never be OK. Everything’s telling that I’ve long past my welcome… I’ve no money or friends and I’m financially dependent upon society and family to stay alive, everyone who’s known me thinks I’m a joke of a person, and i’m too damaged to function in society or ever be good at anything. I am either brain damaged or was born with an intellectual disability and I have no ability or personality to belong on this earth. I fooled myself into thinking I was getting better but I’ll always be […]
Another day, another reason to live.
Another way, another reason I give.
Today is my Mother’s birthday. It’s also another day where I have changed my mind about ending my life. All the wheels were set in motion, all of the plans were made. Then I was reminded of what today was. I worry about what my death will do to my mother on a normal day, but I can’t use her birthday. So today is just another failed attempt.
It was so peaceful this week, planning everything leading up to today. Now that I know I have to live on another day my world has come crashing […]
So its been nearly a year since I tried to kill myself. I did it at the end of last summer, swallowed three bottles of anti-depressants. I did it because I wanted to die, and I was outraged when I woke up still quite alive. However I became even more upset upon learning the level of my injuries. Apparently comitting suicide after leaving home with nowhere to go is a worse idea, particularly in northern Minneapolis. After overdosing and passing out, apparently somebody found me and proceeded to mug me, stealing my few valuables and kicking the shit out of my body.
Not […]
I can’t describe myself in 5 words. I’m too messed up. I seem like I have a good life. I don’t. I project it well. I guess I have had a lot of practice. I want so desperately to live and enjoy every second of life but I can’t. I feel like I’m in so much pain it no longer seems bearable.
Ill go back… I was a bad teenager. I did drugs was wild and had so much fun. I got in with a bad crowd and caused so much heartache for my family. I lived anywhere I could for a few years. I drank […]
This is my first post, i have been reading some other stories & feel very much connected to the feelings expressed…. Want to share my story…. I have seriously contemplated ending my life on many occassions… But i am also a procrastinator :)), so i am still here….
I have been poisoned… By mercury: in my teeth, from fillings…. From vaccinations…. In the womb, from my mother’s tooth fillings…. From eating fish… From people burning coal and polluting the air and water….
Mercury is the most powerful neurotoxin on earth… Mercury amalgam fillings were used in the nazi […]
I’ve struggled my whole life with depression and for a very very long time I’ve been convinced that suicide is by far the most likely way that I will die. I just can’t take it anymore. I’ve done everything right. I’m doing the drug/therapy thing, I quit drinking, and I exercise regularly. Unfortunately none of these can stop the heart crushing loneliness that I feel so often. I hate my job, I’m broke, and I have no real friends around here, but those aren’t the main reasons I think I’m going to kill myself soon. Ever since getting treatment for depression I’d have short periods […]
I don’t really know why I am posting here or why it is that I am sharing this with strangers.
I think all the things happening in my life right now that have driven me over the edge are irrelevant.
The anxiety and pain are almost gone and I feel completely numb.
I thought about Suicide before, many times. And every time I got very close.
Right now I am as close to finalizing it as never before, being alone in a hotel room, away from my loved ones, with 7 bottles of prescription pills lined up in the side table.
And the silly thing is, all I can think […]
My life is perfect today.This depression is deafening. I cant see a thing. My vision is blurred. All I can dream of is death, I just in no way can tolerate one more day, I willingly want to die but I feel im being selfish. Im so much hurt that death looks beautiful. I need the stable peace, I have tried twice this time im jumping off a high building if I can have access to one. Im yet to complete my suicide note. I dont want to hurt my family, but I know im doing it very soon.. everything in my life is in […]
Since 2002, I have been making the same mistake again and again. What is permanent is the despair and the gradual loss of confidence till the point that I’m scared of interacting with my boss and colleagues fearing I’m wrong and stupid and can’t do much.
It all started with a marriage which lasted for 3 months. We got married after going around for almost 5 years. and the reason given was as stupid as-” You don’t earn enuf and can’t and will not be able to take care of me”. Of course I was not earning well that time, much lesser than my partner, I […]
The past few months have been really hard, with the experiences of my past and the relationships I have with my family now, I feel like I can’t go on with all of this rubbish.
I see a therapist to help me try to get back on track with my life and I take anti-depressants, but I feel like my reactions and emotions with what has happened is permanently seared into my heart and soul. Whenever I wake up and I get that painful stab in my chest, you the feeling of your heart literally breaking. I cry almost everyday, longest I have gone without crying […]
To let go of all the bad shit in my life, or anything for that matter? Because I can never seem to let go of anything in life and I have no clue why. I had crappy friends that I stopped being friends with and yet they are still in my life I still give them opportunities, like wtf? But last night I realized this isn’t the life I want for myself. I want to be happy have good friends I want to be in love and be with someone who loves me. But I ruin that for myself I met this cool guy and […]
Yesterday I was arrested on the GG bridge for a suicide attempt. I was there. I had it. The motivation was there. My leg started to climb up over the railing. Then I saw the police coming. Now this was REALLY it. I could either just use my other leg and take the leap, or go back the other way and let the cops take me into custody. Unfortunately, I’m still here which means I succumbed to the arms of two policeman.
To those who haven’t seen it, the view is incredible. Such a serene feeling knowing that you could take your life right then and […]
Finally, it makes sense.
Just give up on the idea of a perfect social conforming future. Ha!
I’ve never felt so comfortable in my life. I never have to care again.
If I don’t find a job, stiff biscuits! I’m at home anyway, so support is always there.
No partner ever again. Been there, experienced it. Better than not having had that at all.
It just moves on. Carefree as it goes. The only stresses in life are the ones caused by excessive desire for social success and the needless comparison to other people, who don’t care about you anyway.
So I say fuck it! Take your […]
I have finally given up my will to live. I know that there’s no point, when all I have to look forward to is more of the same. Even if I were to manage to get through this period in my life, it would just be another rotation of the wheel that is my mental health. I might be able to get help and become “happy” again, but my depression will just come back around again and again. So I’ve given up the will to fight any longer. That part of me is gone. My will is dead. Like it was a real person. Will […]
I feel so powerless in life, the only power I have is the power to end my life.
by nias
written by nias
Pointless, the whole life thing is totally pointless, most people can create happiness through love etc. but for others like me there is no point in living and the happier people around me are the more miserable I am, so fuck life. I’m going to drown my self at some point, I’m drowning in misery so what’s the problem with drowning in water instead.
When I say seniors, I don’t mean school grade. I mean ‘over 65.’ I want to know if there are any others near my age on this website. I’m not presently suicidal. I have been most of my life. But now death is a given in the next 30 years or so. I’m wondering how persons from my generation who have survived feel now. Are there any on this website?
I’m presently having some physical problems. I am consulting with my general practitioner. I am not afraid of death, a friend I have sought during most of my life; but I’m also not afraid to live.
How […]
if you’re reading this it’s because I finally found the strength to do what I have threatened and wanted for so long. Think what you want, that I’m a coward or I’m weak. I can’t handle the thoughts or the pain of this. She was my entire world and my savior. I fucked it all up. I can’t forgive myself. I can’t forget. I can’t move on. I can never love someone else and now the only one who truly loved, accepted, and knew me is gone because of me. I don’t understand how she can move on. I can’t stand the thought of her […]
There is always one moment in childhood, when the door opens and lets the future in. – Graham Green.
I can remember a moment such as this occurring many times in my own life. Whether it was the kindness of strangers, or in some cases the complete opposite, the cruelness of my family or peers, I can remember so many milestones in my life where I have come to the point where enough is enough, and I have opened that door, seen the future, and attempted to embrace it.
I have always considered myself to be an all or nothing kind of person. Whether […]
It seems like all of my life has been predetermined, as if my thoughts and actions are actually beyond my control. It’s like existing without really existing. It sucks because no matter what I do, I feel that I am not doing it. I sometimes feel like life is just a movie with sentience included. That’s depressing, because all of the pain that I feel is much like an illusion. Perhaps I’m not feeling pain, but I am experiencing a set of physiochemical processes taking place that make me think that I am feeling something, when ultimately, I am no more alive than a rock. […]