I realized I want awful things to happen in my life, so it decipts how bad I feel inside. I want to hide behind an awful event so people think I have a reason to be sad, because people never believe feelings can get so painful, to the point you hurt physically. To the point you want to kill yourself. They need something concrete.
One year ago, my father died, and just a few minutes before I learned he had passed away, I found a small part of myself feeling okay with the prospective of him dying, so I could hide behind that event. Not […]
Tag:
my life
I’ve done nothing to nobody yet I’m somehow the most hated person at my school I want my life to get better but everyone makes it worse I just want everyone to leave alone why can’t people do that WHY I get it I’m a horrible person I’m an asshole I’ve done nothing right in my life but I just want this suffering to end Ive never wanted to die so badly there is no fucking god and if there is he hates me I only want the hurt to stop once just once I want this to go away I’ve tried everything and I […]
So I’ve come to the conclusion that it does not get better. The mental disorders don’t go away, I won’t get any less socially awkward, & I will not become any less pathetic. I’ve sought help & It lead to my family thinking I’m crazy to the point where none of them want anything to do with me. I tried to just get away, but I end up with more problems then I started with. Always naturally hated by everyone I’ve met. First I thought it was a test. Then when I lost faith I thought it was a punishment, but now I know there […]
I once felt so worthless that I tried to kill myself. I stopped thinking about everyone I loved – my mum, my sisters, my dad, my grandparents and my friends. And I tried to kill myself. I set out two packets of antidepressants, a packet of sleeping tablets and a packet of prescription painkillers and I got myself a glass of water and filled up two bottles. I spent about two and a half hours taking pills, swallowing a tablet every minute or so. After about 30 tablets I started to slow down, and feel drowsy. I also kept getting up to go to the […]
I don’t know if anyone reads this, I hope so.
I don’t know what I’m feeling, I’m empty. I’ve had a depression, It’s been gone, but now I think it’s coming back. Last time I had it was actually around christmas, I wouldn’t live anymore. It’s wierd you know, being happy about life,but then some things happen and boom, you just want to die. In January I told my teacher, that I’ve been sad in a long time, and that I wouldn’t live anymore, that I didn’t care about anything or anyone. Luckily I have this really good friend, she told me to talk with someone, […]
I’m on my six advil.I’m going slow so I don’t throw It back up.I feel kinda high,I hope It stays like that & hopefully I feel no pain.I’m sorry to everyone.Sorry I wasen’t good enough,I’m sorry for all the pain I have caused anyone.I’m sorry for everything.I’m crying right now cause I had dreams.I’ve always wanted a kid.Always always wanted a baby girl;(I wanted to name her Savannah Miranda Espinoza.Damn I feel the advils.I need to hurry up and get out the house If I do pass cause I don’t want my sister to see my body.Fuck Is this really It or am I just […]
Yes, I’m going to take these damn pills now, my life sucks and it’s my own fault. It’s so easy, just pop the paracetamol out of the package and swallow it with some water. Yes, that’s what I am going to do!
But wait. What if it doesn’t work? Better check on the internet what an overdose of headache pills does. Hm, signs of sickness and vomiting after 24 hours. Lethal after 5 days. 5 days? That’s way too much time! I would go to the hospital for sure. And then? Irreversible damage to the liver and maybe even need for a transplantation if an antidote […]
I’ve been suicidal since the age of 14. I’m now 36. I’ve spent 22 years fighting the pain daily, trying to tell myself to just get through the next day, looking towards the future, grasping at any tiny thread of hope. But the depression is always there. I haven’t fulfilled my potential in life – I was a straight A student, socially adept with many friends, good-looking, and liked by most people. I could have done anything I’d wanted to with my life.
I feel that what I want is always just within reach, but then the monster of depression will latch on to my mind, […]
I think we are here because we have a common interest in finding someone similar to us. Someone with a familiar story. What good this accomplishes or what you do after that is beyond me.
I am 27 years old and recently began seeking help for depression. I have been depressed for most of my life, as far back as my early teens. I figured the symptoms were just a part of my personality and didn’t think much about treatment. I didn’t want to admit that anything was wrong. Only now do I realize that I have dug myself into hole. Other people my age have […]
Not having the energy to write back guys you think are cute
not having energy to write reviews on yelp,things you love My childhood psychtrist killed himself this past weekend what does that say for me? what does that mean,This was amilestone breaking point in a metaphorical symbolic way,Idk idk things have been getting better,Like really better but when things go bad everything just piles on,Really I could break or be the most strongest person If anyone knew my whole life or my life they would see how thin and how thin and so close they are to eachother idk idk ill be fine but this […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/To-Write-Love-On-Her-Arms-Time-Will-Fade.mp3
Dishing like the wishing well
Granting wishes but wishes never granted
It’s all i’m taken for
A ride through hell and back
To reality – I hope this isn’t some kind of spell
Binding pain keeps me trapped inside
Out of the frying pan and into the
Ready, aim , fire!
The smoke burns my eyes
Wide open spaces hold me captive
Audiences can’t turn their heads from the fight
To the finish! I run until my legs are broken
Hearts sinking, eyes flooded with tears
Blood and sweat […]
Sigh. I had some clarity! But now..
I just wrote a long post about my life this past month and why i think i have been having so many jumbled thoughts lately. How absurd life really is and got into whether my life seems confusing because of my racing brain or if my brain is racing because of the events this month.
But of course it all deleted itself before i was done. Grrr. Mushu
Life sometimes, i mean what are the odds? It’s like there is some invisible line on my “life worth chart”..or something. And every time my life value goes above it. […]
Did you ever wanted that every human being had a restart button and start all over again? well, that’s all i ever wanted since i start to feel this way, empty, usseles, no loved, but no, you need to learn how to live with it, you need to learn how to deal with every day, i don’t think i’m learning to, i don’t like this world, i don’t like my life, i don’t like anyone around me, Â I HATE THE FACT THAT I ALWAYS WANT TO FEEL LOVED, I HATE THE FACT THAT I ALWAYS DEPEND ON SOMEONE, Â i hate myself, but sorry, killing myself […]
I’ve ruined everything. I destroyed all that I loved.
I’ve come to believe that I made everyone hate me.
Nothing can save me, because they wouldn’t if they could.
I made friends worry for me over my mistakes, it destroys me, and I know this is my fault.
I make my own family want me to leave, at only the age of 13.
They won’t admit it, but i know it. As everyone says, “actions speak louder than words.” and their actions show how much of a dissapointment.
But I cannot do it.
They will think it is their fault.
And that only will make […]
I just met someone a couple days ago and already they talking to me about their problems. Second person in a months’ time. I must give off some kind of aura or something that people feel comfortable opening up to me soon after meeting me. It’s true, I’m trustworthy, I actually listen, I actually give a damn, and I won’t judge. Probably cause I deal with my own issues every day. I don’t know.
So why can’t I help myself? Am helping others to somehow try to help myself? Am I hoping than once I’ve helped them, they will turn around and help me? Ah, but […]
Seriously, only one single time, for Gods sake. I fucked up so much, I made way too many mistakes and I was too chicken to do things I should have done. I had enough chances to change something in my life and I took none. Not a single fucking chance. I guess I deserve to be here after all.
As I cut deeper and deeper, I think about all of the wrong I’ve done. I think of how much we once loved each other and how we have nothing now. You are the only one I ever want to be with. You never stop loving someone. You either never did or you always will. I know I will always love you and I know it will be the death of me. You tell me you love me, but you can’t handle my depression. I always have been and always will be here for you when you need me. You make it sound like you were […]
I do it because I have so much mental pain, I need to find a way to make it physical and get it out. So I abuse my body. I used to think I’d just do a few cuts here and there when I felt really bad, but now I do it almost every day, anywhere from10-200 at a time. It has taken over my life. I feel weird typing it; like, part of me is saying “no it hasn’t, you still have a life” but another part is saying “you’ve finally admitted to it”. I don’t know. I know this sounds stupid, but there’s […]
I hate my self so much I just want to die life is hell please if I could just feel better maybe I wouldn’t need to die anymore my life just causes pain and that is the last thing I want to do I don’t want to die anymore I need to it seems like the only ending
Hi I am a 47 year old woman who just wants to shuffle this mortal coil once and for all, but I feel trapped here because I don’t have access to a method that would enable a quick exit.
I am pleased to meet you all and I feel really sad for the people who feel that they want to leave the earth plane, and I really hope that you all can find a reason for living because i am sure that most of you really shouldn’t be here planning your suicide as you all deserve a happy life with loved ones around you.
I would rather […]