From such a young age I have experienced so much pain. Age of 8 the most dear person in the world passed away, my granddad, the only person in the world who loved me more than my parents. Age 10 turned to smoking as a pain reliever and have been addicted ever since. Age 11 got moved half way around the world to a place I had no knowledge of, came back to UK a year later for holiday only to find out my dad has another wife and a child with her who was 4 years of age at the time, having committed bigamy. […]
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my life
Today my ‘father’ found out I was hospitalized three weeks ago. I had been keeping this from him because, honestly, I felt he didn’t deserve to know. A friend at the time had abused my trust, called the police on me, and I was sent to the hospital and kept there due to the fact I had cuts on my arm. Fresh cuts. I was put in therapy and am back on medication, which I am grateful for. I just wish the situation hadn’t panned out as it had.
I digress. He noticed I was talking about my medication online and he asked me what I […]
I now it may sound arrogant and selfish and i do apologise in advance, but i just wanted to see whether I am the one and only who feels like that. Basically, I often read the posts here and i come across really sad stories, some people go through really tough times in their life and i do fully empathise with them. Â In my case, I Â cant say that I have major problems in my life meaning, i have a partner, ok job, few friends etc. So nothing really major to report.
However, I constantly feel like ending my life as i do not see any […]
I was named after my father, but have always been called by my middle name, Jay. I am the youngest of 3 children born to Walter and Jackie Hale in 1955. I was raised on the road as my father worked for a major construction firm building pipelines all over the country (and world). I have driven through or set foot in all 50 states and have lived in Canada. I was closest to my sister and mother. My brother and I might just as well have been the Hatfields and McCoys. My father and I never really connected. Mom and I were so alike in […]
I love nights, and I love dreaming. I dont give a fuck that dreams are illusions, they make me feel happy for a few hours. But why in hell do I have to wake up every single time? I am finally feeling great, as if depressions were over and a new chapter in my life has begun; and then BAAAM. Reality punches me straight in the face. “You actually thought you could ever be happy? HAHAHA, forget it.” As if it had the plan to let me feel how great my life could be only to destroy all my hopes in a single second.
Reality is […]
I have so many issues I just can’t deal with anymore. I’m trying to get out of bed to live my life, but what’s the point? Everything seems daunting. I can’t sleep, eat, my memory is shot. I keep crying. I just need life to take it easy on me, to throw a bone for once. I feel selfish and terrible for obsessing over myself like this. I don’t know who to talk to, all my friends know I have bouts of depression but know nothing about attempts and cutting. I just want to be normal. Sorry everyone. Just needed to put that out there. […]
indefinitely as i drift among the currents, indefinitely will i vie for optimal position in the flow.
But… lately i’ve been feeling that feeling, much more deeply; less indefinitely…
And maybe it’s just time… or almost time… and i’m not really sure what good waiting will ever do, if it’s all i can do, and only without any chance to make any of the changes overdue.
So many things, circumstances, scenarios, all converging and intersecting at once… that i can’t really even… communicate, i guess.
Too many things went wrong, long ago, and started a bunch of chain reactions, which have all been feeding into and compounding each other, […]
I had made plans that today would be the day that I would kill myself. I planned on walking up the cannon packing my gun in a back pack, I would go off the trail and go to a little cave like structure and put a bullet in between my eyes. I had walked to the location before, I know exactly where it was going to be. Now that I think about it I don’t think that I have the guts to go through with killing myself. Im scared to shoot myself, even though death is what I want the most in this world, Im […]
Hi. I’m.. well, I’d rather not state my name. I’m 13 years old- shocker, yeah? No, I’m not some “emo” kid looking for attention. All I ask is to not be underestimated. I know I’m too young to be this sad, but I guess that’s just how it is.. So, I guess I’m just going to let it all out. I’m setting my life out here because why not?
My depression. It all started when I was eight, my family was falling apart. My parents split up, and I didn’t know how to feel. My mom was crying herself to sleep every night and I thought it […]
i really hope he gets a wakeup call one of these days. fuck you! i fucking changed. i don’t give a fuck if thats how i was in my past. how fucking dare you insult me like that. this is how i feel now and thats part of growing up and making mistakes. i don’t want to fuck around anymore. i have fucking feelings. i am also in fucking love and i fucking am not going to be degraded by you. fuck you. i don’t care what you say. i mean this. you just fucking keep hurting me. fuck you for tearing someone down this […]
i hate everything about my life, i am in the biggest trap and i can’t get out of it. its impossible.
if i don’t graduate my life will be over. i one hundred percent will have to end it. i don’t want that. i want a life so badly. i want to graduate, i want a job. these two classes are making it impossible, and so is he more than anything. i’ve lost. i really have. if he keeps harassing me, i lose. if he disappears, i lose. i can’t focus. there isn’t a day that goes by that i don’t cry and cry and cry. every person I’m around really doesn’t want to be around me because all i do is complain and get angry […]
I have been suicidal for at least two years now. I cannot stand to be alive and i have NOTHING to live for. I have no job, i live with my mom (im 33), i have no friends, no partner, no money, my family treat me like an outcast and i have no motivation or excitement in my life. I want to die but cannot for the life of me understand why im still here! Oh, and by the way im not religious. Does anyone else here have the same problem? Ive even chosen my method to exit this world but i dont know whats […]
There’s been times in my life when change rattled me so bad, that I stayed up at night pondering the endless outcomes that could take place.
Then the flip side was seeking change so I could continue on without going mad.
Looking back, I don’t enjoy the contridictions that have taken place…..and honestly, neither change or no change sounds good right now.
Perfect time to go
far out.
the world is an incredible place.
how funny that we can value something like life so much when its so temporary.
i value my life with everything.
i value the history and the future, and the morning and the night, the water and the sun and snow, and the food and the sounds; i value everything that will inevitably end. if your in a relationship and you find out that it will come to a tragic end, you’d get the fuck out, save yourself the heartache right? but thats everything. every person you love you’ll loose; there all just temporary components of the illusion that is your […]
I suffer from depression… I am allways lonely… I have no reason to feel the way I do but I can’t help it…. I have one friend that I can call a true friend, the rest of the people in my life don’t know me but they call me their friend… They don’t know how I constantly feel… When I wake up I think about ways I would like to die…
When I’m working sometimes I think about ways I could die at work in a “freak accident” I’m hooked on drugs and have become an alcoholic I’m just barely making it by in life just […]
So, I’ve been diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. I was pretty sure I was suffering from this most of my life, just never bothered to get it checked. Why did I finally get it checked out? Out of love, but I don’t want to think about that…
75 apneas an hour. 30 is the threshold for severe apnea, so I have like super duper severe apnea. The doctor was surprised when he first saw me. He only sees that severe of apnea in the very obese, and I’m in no way a big guy.
Turns out I have abnormally large tonsils, so I’m probably going to have […]
Looking around at friend’s and family I see a cycle, one I don’t want it makes me depressed. Everyone grows up and lives in cookie cutter homes has kids and slaps on a smile. I don’t want that, I don’t want to get sucked into society’s vortex. I want to be a nurse and work all the time. I feel like since i’m girl my family has the same expectations, grow up, get married, kids. I just want my cat and me, and to help people. I don’t want anyone’s expectations. I feel like i’m a burden to my boyfriend, a disappointment to my family. […]
.. but nothing more than an artificial light.
I can’t seem to be able to express myself properly much anymore. Nor can I express this pain that is so deeply imbedded in my heart and my soul, from there on it has hurt my body badly, and this goes on, and on, in a perpetual cycle. The sun has gone for so long. My spirit has gone for so long. I am debilitated by the relentless pain I continue to carry. It has been 6 months, and in these 6 months I have only learned of more and more that has hurt me so much until […]