What am I? Nihilist
What do I believe in? Nothing
What do I do? Nothing
What is life? Nothing at all
Where am I going? Nihil (Nowhere, nothing)
Is there any inherent meaning in life? No
Should I make a meaning for my life? Nah
Why not? No reasons to make reasons
People looking for the meaning of life are … Naive
Morality? Nope, thanks, that’s a lie
What is right? Nothing
What is wrong? Nothing
Tag:
my life
So im new on here. I just need somebody to talk to about the crap that is going on in my life. Please I need someone.
I’ve hated my life for so long I have no idea what being happy is I’ve hung myself nothing drank bleach and window cleaner and threw it back up I want to die but I’m scared to but I fear the next day and dread today I want to leave this world and live a life where I control what happens not others controlling and ruining my life I’m the outcast of my school everyone thinks I’m a joke or that one guy who replaces a girls boyfriend until they find another or that one guy who is a replacement everything I sit in the […]
So if you haven’t read my bio I’m 14 years old. To the surprise of many, I work. Today, I was feeling pretty down, but my job requires me to look perky, like there’s nothing wrong with me and the world (as if). Â Subsequently, I kept a smile plastered on my face, even though the whole time I just felt like crawling into a hole so I could lay there and die. An englishman came into my line, and of course he had one of those awesome accents. I asked him if he were from the UK. He was pretty old, and it looked like […]
I’ve been through this situation once before, I met someone and life was going great, things seemed to be perfect, we made it 4 and a half years, we were engaged since 3 and a half years. I gave her everything I am, I was in the military at the time, and I pretty much paid her way through college. After my contract was up I moved back home, I got a job as a glazer, things were going well. then one day on 4th of July 3 years ago now, we were going for a drive up the mountain, someone was stopped dead in […]
Yeah I’m high, and this probably makes no sense, but whatever.
Let g represent what I want, my goal, where I want to be in the future.
Let a_1, a_2,…a_n be the steps required to reach g.
The nature of g implies that failure at any point a_i results in returning to a_1.
Let x be the amount of pain I feel when failure occurs such that x @ a_i > x @ a_i – 1.
Let y be the amount of happiness I feel, such that y @ a_i > z @ a_i – 1
i.e. the closer to the goal the more happiness/pain that […]
Starring at my food but I can not eat it,
Laying in my bed but I am not sleeping,
Crying in my room and I keep it top secret,
Because people tell me they care but they do not mean it.
I’m cut open, even thought I am not bleeding.
My heart’s broken, so Imma make it stop beating.
Someone runs in the room and screams,
“He’s not breathing!”
I’m rushed to the hospital to have a Doc treat it,
But he cannot beat it, there`s no time at all,
Cause I just popped some pills with some Tylenol,
And 3 bottles of antidepressants, and Zam […]
is so important. You have to appreciate what you have and be thankful. And being/ feeling appreciated makes a life worth living. Usually it is the family and very close friends who appreciate you and who show you that need you and love you and will always be there for you.
In my case – since I wouldnt put any of my friends in this category – it has always been family that made my life somehow worth living. I would even call them the only reason why I am still alive. During the last few weeks I started to realize something though, and I have […]
The  weird curiosity of what would happen if I kept on living or simply shoot myself struggled within me until today.
I have been an observer for quite some time and I would like to share how depression influenced me into the right path.
At the age of 14 depression began showing signs.
I started smoking weed, having sex, drinking and cutting myself. I did what I thought would be best to numb an utterly terrifying feeling of hopelessness and emptiness. I was a lost introvert desperately trying to keep my head up but dove in instead.
High school was a living hell. I would feel miserable as if […]
Im a 21 yr old man and have been suffering from severe depression and even worse social anxiety for about half my life. Ive been a victim to mental,physical, and the worst imo sexual abuse. The last 3 years ive really just wondered why im still here and whats the point when i just isolate myself to my room all day. I actually get kinda pissed somedays especially when im on a drug and alcohol binge and i manage to awake after doing a bunch of dope and drinking jack n cokes. Why does mental health care suck so bad? Ive been to numerous doctors,shrinks,etc. […]
… and it really helps with my depression.
I’m a 28-year-old living in Las Vegas. I was first “diagnosed” as clinically depressed when I was 12 years old; but I feel like I’ve been sad most of my life.
Up until recently, my life was completely shut down by my depression – I never got dressed, left my room, ate… there was some self-harm… I was consumed with thought of suicide and self-mutilation, but I managed not to act…
I entered out-patient treatment 3 months ago. On anti-depressants which seem to be helping… but, the real life-style change I’ve made is smoking weed from sun-up till bed time.
I’ve […]
Probably I have made the worst mistake in my life. I trusted in somebody. I told him that I cut. Things just got worse. He told a girl, and this girl couldn’t keep it a secret neither. Now the rumor is spreading like cancer in school.
I’m scared. I don’t know what will happen if a teacher knows, if my parents know… I need help please. I need someone I can trust. I feel more alone than ever. Now I feel more suicidal… maybe that’s the answer.
I lost my father to suicide and harbor no harsh feelings toward him for what he did. He was in pain, depressed, unable to break away from alcohol and drug addiction and the worst part to him was the IRS said he owed $50,000 in back taxes and he had no idea why. Turns out after his death the IRS informed us he really didn’t owe anything, in fact, they owed him! A sickening feeling that was. The IRS was the first mention in his suicide note. They killed my father just as much as he killed himself…but I digress…Now I stand in his place, […]
I have been consumed with thoughts of suicide. Tonight I was crying to ask my brother to shoot me in the head. As serious as could be asked. I wanted to say it so bad. Even after his prodding “you can tell me anything” questions.
The tears flowed but I wouldn’t give in. I was so close to just blurting it out but I couldn’t. I had the restraint not to tell him. I don’t know what I feared more, thought of him saying no but then even more if he said yes. I feared his yes because I honestly feel as though I would […]
I thought I could trust her with my heart.
She told me she loved me and we had the most amazing relationship together.
Then she left me lonely
I am still in love with everything about her. Her hair. Her face. Her way. She abandoned me, even though she promised she would never leave.
Life has no meaning anymore. She was my everything. Now she is only a distant memory that I’m still in love with.
I know that she will never come back to me
And that is why I will be in pain for the rest of my life
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I was born in broken home. My father was an alcoholic. He is clearly a psychopath without having any sense of empathy. While being alcoholic he tried to kill my mother. She born me sometime around that. She compensated her broken marriage with me, she got me emotionally overattached. She made me sexually uncomfortable by talking about sex. She severely abused me.  Once a week she was crying, screaming, shouting at everyone. She was coming to me and saying things I couldn’t even remember. She made me cry and she didn’t stop there, she just kept going and going. She was screaming she was going to […]
I hate how after all this time, i still can’t find the courage to
try it with someone else. Because of you, i find it hard to trust
everyone around me as i think that they will just leave me like you
did.You broke all your promises and i’m scared that everyone else
will too. I’ve learnt to play on the safe side so i don’t get hurt.
Im scared of getting hurt again, of just being left broken again.
i just don’t know how to let anyone else in, I’ve tried my hardest
to just forget everything, all our memories, but […]
i am a blur of emotions. panic, dread, nervous, angry, and some fuck the world and everyone in it added for good measure. i have come to a fork in the road of sorts. i have come to a point where i have been on just about every med out there. currently taking 6 total. and since i am still topside i guess they are working to a degree. thinking about hypnosis . there seems to be something deep in my memory that is trickling out at a rather slow pace. whatever it is or is not i am scared. i remember being sexually aware […]
Haven’t slept in two days. Not depressed, just I get insomnia sometimes. I lie awake in bed with my eyes closed for several hours until my alarm goes off. So work was hard today. But I love my job. I thought about suicide for the first time in months today, but not with much conviction. I didn’t really want to die, not like before, but it just felt like it would be easier. I’ve stopped feeling depression (along with every other complex emotion) thanks to sertraline. It’s been such a long time since I felt happy our scared or angry or ashamed or sad. I […]
My mom texted me a quote which I eventually found floating on tumblr that went like this:
“One awesome thing about Eeyore is that even though he is basically clinically depressed, he still gets invited to participate in adventures and shenanigans with all of his friends. And they never expect him to pretend to feel happy, they just love him anyway, and they never leave him behind or ask him to change.”
I sometimes wish the people in my life were able to not necessarily understand my depression/darkness, but just be able to see me. Just me. And not wish anything different about me.