I’ve been so drained . And it seems like sleep isn’t helping at all. When I got out of class at 3:00 i came home and went to bed and just now woke up.. It’s 10:27 pm. I feel like shit still. I think I should just go back to sleep. I waste my life away … I never do anything else because I mentally and physically have no energy . I don’t eat anymore beside I’m not hungry. I am just exhausted. Thanksgiving is in a couple of days and I don’t even think I wanna be around for it. I don’t want to […]
Tag:
my life
It’s been months since I’ve had a truly good day, lots of okay days, thanks to my wife, but no days where I don’t think “You should end it. Today.”
Somewhere along the way, I picked up a coping method to keep myself alive: My “72 Hour” Rule. You’re going to kill yourself? Fine, but there’s a 72 hour waiting period. Do whatever. Plan it, buy supplies, make sure your affairs are in order, but you can’t kill yourself for 3 days. You’ve lived this long, what’s 3 more days? I’m not even saying you have to get out of bed – Just don’t die, that’s […]
Before I get into all the crazy stuffs, that’s been happening in my life… I felt like I needed to vent a little about love problems.
For some reason I’ve always had girls who were too good for me interested in me. Like these are my dream type of girls and they like me for God knows what reason, I am a really secluded and shy guy though, and I am Korean American.
Yet because of all these crazy things happening in my life that has some to do with religion, I always bottled myself out from the outside world, since I changed starting at 17 or […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. Each day becomes harder to live through. I keep telling myself to just go through it one hour at a time. How could I do it when I can’t even sit still for an hour?
This stupid sickness is the cause of everything. I wish I could just ask doctors to surgically remove my intestines or something.
It feels like life is putting the joke on me, when I think I’m ready to die, it gives me a couple reasons to live, and when I live through it, it gives me more reasons to die and the cycle goes on.
As […]
I’m back again in SP, well, of course. Never actually left. I’m in a strange mood in a bad way so I think this will be a ranting post of how undecided/unsure I am about some important things. Just going to number them, I like structure, haha.
I’m sure I should exit. This is the correct and logical decision for me. And I have some arguments that are pro and against which totally confuses me.
I can fail. Although my method is quite sure, there is always a chance. Most likely I will back out because survival instinct is a ..tch. Then it will be a huge […]
Well, here I go. I quit my job of 15yrs back in May, withdrew what I had in my retirement account. I have been living off of that the last 6months. I can survive another 19 months or so without finding a job. I have found jobs here and there but quit if I just did not like it. My background is in customer service and my last job was working for the local government. I was a supervisor and did not want that responsibility anymore. Most prospective employers pass me by because of my experience and think I would not take the pay cut. I […]
It’s something that’s just in fairytales and movies, but sometimes I wonder if there is such a thing as being cursed? If there is something out there in the universe that causes some lives to be charmed, normal, whatever and some to be unfortunate.
I used to post here a long time ago. I had a plan to travel and if that went well I would give life a chance and if it didn’t then I was ready to kill myself. I had pills ordered and everything.
And things got better. Then bad again, then better, then bad again. But then things got perfect. I ripped up […]
i just was surfing YouTube and came across this . This just made me cry my eyes out and I really don’t even know why. I think I can’t relate my story and life to hers . I wasn’t in foster care and my parents didn’t beat me , but I was alone . My dad took me away from my mom when I was young because she was an addict . I remember when I would visit her I would find spoons and needles and pills all over the house . She was killing her self with these drugs. I saw what was once […]
Hell, I don’t know what to name this. Fuck it, maybe this was interesting enough to grab your attention anyways
by thelost
written by thelost
Hey you! Yeah you! Wanna know something before I continue on with this thing? You don’t? Well piss off, I’m doing it anyways. This is going to include more than just her, it’s going to be myself as well. Maybe a deviation from my usual style, but maybe that’s a good thing.
Her hair is pulled behind her hair in some sort of braid. It rests perfectly behind her neck and trails down the back of her blue shirt. She’s ignoring me right now, but that’s okay. At the moment she’s manning the register and she’s doing something that I’m confused just looking at. This menial […]
hello. i’m a 19 yr. old female, just joined. i have depression, social anxiety, and self-esteem issues. i’ve never actually attempted suicide, but i’ve wanted to die many times, and especially this past year. my life is crud and i don’t really do anything. i dropped out of school early last year because of bullying, and i haven’t finished. i don’t work, i live with my parents who are alcoholics. i don’t have any friends. i’ve never had a boyfriend. i’m obese and ugly. i don’t feel like my life is worth living anymore. the only thing i do remotely well is write poetry. well, […]
I just can’t do this anymore. I’m tired of being the running joke, the punch-line. I’m tired of the battles, of the constant warfare. It shouldn’t be this difficult… it shouldn’t be a competition. Yet there are people in my life that are evil (for lack of a better word). I’m tired of my happiness being destroyed because others feel I don’t deserve it. I’m tired of being tired.
After the holidays I am swan diving. I only hope that seven stories will be enough. I plan to write DNR on my chest just in case.
I’m finally happy with my life…
Leaving a perfectly good and healthy relationship because my family didn’t like him. I listen to them. I listen to all the lies they put in my head. It wasn’t him who made me depressed and started to cut. It was the build up of all the pressure and stress my own family put on me. Him and I were together for 2 years, yes we argued but what we had was one of a kind. I could never find anything like it. When I left I tried to find love in other men but they always hurt me […]
OI keep trying to tell my self that I don’t feel this way but I do. I want to lull myself so badly . But I’m scared . I don’t like my life at all . Everything is so messed up. I wish to be asleep forever. I’m so depressed. I don’t like anything . I feel like nothing . I want to go .
I’m not entirely sure when it happened, probably somewhere in between losing my best friend(whom I loved, and thought was my soulmate) and getting involved with drinking and smoking weed on a regular basis; I lost my soul. I really don’t have any friends and I don’t enjoy spending time with people most of the time. I like my alone time, not because I’m a loner but for the simple reason it seems impossible to make friends who share similar interests and aren’t complete assholes. It just seems like everyone is selfish and act like they are so much better. I didn’t grow up in […]
Last year I was so lost, depressed and broken that I decided it was my time to leave this world. I wrote my letter, cleaned my room, grabbed the rope, jumped out my window and ran. I went into a forrest, began to tie the rope around the tree and then around my neck. In front of me was a massive empty, dark field. Behind me was a giant fence with houses behind it. I saw flash lights in the corner of the field in front of me so decided I needed to jump right away but then I heard a bang from above me. […]
Is this really what my life has come to I am finally with the women of my dreams I love her from the bottom of my heart she is a single mother of one that struggles from schizophrenia I work 2 jobs 70+ hours to provide for them because they are my everything I have been with her for a little over a year and everything is falling apart she has had legal trouble in the past and its starting to catch up with her she recently got caught driving without a lisence for the 4th time and the public defender says she will […]
Happy birthday to the one and only love of my life. No contact since 2008 but still the same love, always have been.
Recently I’ve been thinking about taking my own life. I just feel that I have no place in it and that doesn’t upset me at all, I’ve actually fully accepted this fate because I believe not everyone is cut out for living till the adult years. I’ve thought about suicide a few times in the past but now they’re so strong I don’t really have much control. I always had a feeling something was wrong with me since I was younger.
When I was a toddler my father was in and out of jail, he was alcoholic and was very violent. He […]
Everyone knows me as a cheery girl. They want to be me because they think I have no complications in my life. But it’s funny, because they don’t know anything about my life. Yes, I tell them funny stories that really happened in my life but that’s what they all know about my life. They don’t know how I am going through depression. They don’t know how I am crying at night over everything. They don’t know how it’s so hard to force a smile and fake a laugh. I always put on a mask of happiness of mine everytime I’m with them but there’s […]
I am really trying here. I’m trying to do things that make me happy. I am trying to figure out ways to make things work. My kids are going away for the weekend. I will be alone and I know what that is going to do to me. I will want to end it. I will be completely alone with no one to talk to. No one will txt or call. I tried to make plans but all fell through. The quiet suffocates me. I can already feel the pain. I know if I don’t figure something out I will try to end it and […]