I have been self harming for as far back as i could remember. I think it started when i was about 10ish. I would bank my head against the wall to stop what ever was going on in my head at the time. I would love to see the bruises develop on areas I hurt. I was always known as the accident prone child. I remember one time i must have been about 12. I threw myself off my bike and scraped myself down a brick wall. I would try and keep under the radar by not making the injuries obvious. I progressed to cutting […]
Tag:
my life
I’ve received alot of love in my time here on this website. I appreciate all the love given my way. None of you know me, but I might as well say that I have decided I will take my life. I don’t know when, but I will. It seems so peaceful. I’m at peace with the decision as well. I think it is what’s best for me, to be honest. I’ve had too much happen to me in 2 years and I’m left with no will/desire to live. I’m going to try to enjoy the time I have here left with friends and then I’m […]
I have been a fighter all my life, molested as a child and growing up in extreme poverty in Flint, Bullied constantly and then raped when I was 15. Depression has never been a stranger to me, but I always wondered whether it was circumstantial or a chemical imbalance. I met my boyfriend of 7 years in high school and attended college, I even sought help from a psychiatrist who prescribed me Seroquel and told me I had Bipolar Disorder, the pills made me a zombie for 5 years but for once in my life my insomnia went away. Fast forward to now, my boyfriend […]
Well today started out today then it got worse. the thought of me losing him. Why is it that some of the best things in my life never seem to last. I mean we’ve been dating for a few months and now due to him losing his apartment and job from reasons beyond his control. He might have to move back in with his parents in another state more than 5,000 miles away. If this does happen I’m thinking about cutting him off completely. I honestly can not deal with any more heartbreak and I don’t want both of us to suffer by dealing with […]
Hello everyone,
This is my first post. Although I have read through much of this website for the past few weeks, I have simply relegated my involvement to that of backseat viewer. I have now decided to share with you a little about who I am and why I browse this website to pass the time.
First, a little bit about me. I have read the sources of many people’s depression and suicidal thoughts and I regret to say that exteriorly, I may represent an unorthodox example of a someone who is plagued with the issue of suicide. I am 19 years old, an excellent student, good looking, […]
Hi…
There are endless problems in my life and my life really seems like hell. I am tired of my life.
The problems are physically, mentally and socially troubling me continuously, all the time. Earlier I was a simple person living an ordinary life. I was physically somewhat less healthy. But rest things were going normal. But then chronically painful things happened later. Once during my holidays, I joined a swimming pool. It was only after a few days that I felt something wrong in my ears, as if they were blocked, perhaps water got trapped into them. There was a serious ear infection which painfully lasted […]
Even though I just made this new account I wanna start out with some personal things because I can’t tell anyone face to face these issues.
Here I go, I have been questioning my gender for a couple of months now.
Since last July I have had a deep connection in a weird way with the LGBTQ+ community. I watched the Fourth of July parade and for some weird reason I cried. At that moment I realized I was bi.
Skip to January of this year and I start to see people at my school who are genderneautral or trans. I didn’t get it but then I realized […]
I’m new here. This is my first post.
I served in Afghanistan. I’ve seen some of the most evil shit imaginable. I used to carry a pack full of gear, ammunition, ordinance, etc…
Now I carry a pack full of insecurity, self doubt, self hatred, and sadness. How did I end up here? How come some men can stow their shit away and never look at it again, and others (such as myself) cannot? I’ve been nearly killed on several occasions, but I’m still here. The only things that bring me happiness are my kids, my girl, and a V Twin with wheels. I’ve become indifferent as […]
Last weekend I decided on today to be the best day to kill myself. It made a lot more sense than 7/2/15 because I didn’t see a connection in those numbers. But I like, and do like, how 11/30/77 to 7/30/15 looks and sounds. I’m a bit of a numbers freak, so dying on the same day of the month is appealing, along with the connection between my birth year (two 7’s) and it being the 7th month. Close enough. Like I said, I’m a numbers freak and I pay crazy attention to numbers. But what stopped me???? ….
I was (and do still) feel so […]
This is not what i had expected. fuck it, fuck it. everything is ugly from the inside. I thought after getting a job many things will be fulfilled, i will take my revenge, become independent and move out and live on my own. But… nothing comes free. Everything comes with its own conditions and effects. eh, it changes you. Fuck, this is not what i had expected. nothing is fulfilled and everything is gone.
I hate my job. And it really has nothing to do with work pressure or office culture. I don’t know what I hate. But i’m hating it. I dread going to it. […]
Epiphany!
I was rambling on in the comments of Tristeza’s post when I finally hit bottom and realized why I’m so unhappy and want to die. The gist of what I was saying is that life is nothing more than a dream and that when we die, our minds are erased from reality permanently. All of the information that our brains are holding onto is erased when it shuts down for good. The person that you think you are (Tom, Dick, Jane etc) is little more than a function of the brain, and so when the brain dies, you die too.
As in a dream, I’ve […]
So old.
Yet still single.
Never had a boyfriend.
Will I become one of those cliche
40 year old virgin
Should I just be in a relationship for the sack of being in a relationship?
Even if I don’t feel a connection.
What is wrong with me.
I hate my life…
For as long as i can remember i felt like i dont belong. As i get older i feel it even more. I cannot die tho i welcome the thought. You see i have kids and grandkids. But most of the time i feel they wud be better off without me around. Everything i touchgoes to crap. Everyone i love leaves. I tried to end my life twice a long time ago and failed at that just as i fail at everything. I am now in the middle of my 4th divorce and have finally figured out i am meant to be alone. I just […]
I wanna say thanks to you all for accepting me into this group. Never thought I’d find such amazing people that think just like I do. Not only that, but yall have the dignity to accept me for who I am and even though I’ll be dead this time next year and have a long way to go to get there (since I got a lot of funding to do), none of you told me DONT DO IT! That means a lot to me. Total validation and acceptance of my choice, and self ownership means a lot to me. As I plan my eventual end, […]
I got frustrated watching the Sopranos last night because the characters were acting stupid. My anger at these fictional people once again reminded me of how empty my life is. I recently came to the realization that I don’t actually have any friends. My co-workers only care about what I have to say if it’s entertaining and won’t hang out with me after hours. The friends that I do see in my spare time only ever want to do stuff once every 3 or 4 months. The guy that I considered my best friend is little more than an acquaintance. I’ve told him so much […]
What are things anti suicide people say to you that piss you off the most?
by wndozh8er
written by wndozh8er
I been suicidal for over a decade. I talked about it often with people but luckily was never institutionalized. Here are some of the things people said that got under my skin –
1. “Give your life over to God” – ok first off I’m a hardcore atheist so that doesn’t work. I was also severely depressed and miserable as a Christian as well so going back wouldn’t change a god damn thing.
2. “If you commit suicide, you will go to hell” – wow really? Is God that evil as to torture someone for all eternity because they wanted there sufering to end? Again I don’t […]
I dont honestly know why im writing here for everyone to see, its not the kind of person i am to seek attention from anyone and that’s not really my intent. Ive had depression for majority of my life id say ever since high school with 3 attempts on my life however since then ive for the most part repressed as much as i could. I think im writing this literally to scream out my thoughts and how im feeling in the moment now and its just this overwhelming sense of helplessness and failure.
The Irony of this post is that i ‘should’ be okay, ive […]
Sometimes I always go into deep thought about my life. Sometimes I feel like i have good days. But then at night i just think. Like, why should i live if i know people dont want me around? Why should i have to live, constantly feeling like people hate me for no reason? Why should I live, knowing there’s no reason to? My mom doesn’t know that i feel this way. But if i try telling her she’ll say im stupid . My guess is that she just doesn’t want to believe that i could feel this way.
My mom is a nurse and she […]
I wonder… I long for death.. and would welcome.it if it came so that it was not my who does the deed.. nor would I die without a struggle to go on.. this is in me. As I have proven for the last two years. I showed it with staying with the person who crushes me.. the person who took my sanitty.. or at least that what was left of it.
Some if if was taken by my family but at the age of 26 I was over it.. I mean it helped to meet her… The person who I wanted to marry. Cute, beautiful, sexy […]
I am not doing so well, my mother is dying and I am having a hard time dealing with it. She has been my life for a very long time and I made sure she was fine each and every day. She is 78 and now has heart problems and pneumonia which are making it hard for her to fight off the infection. I have been depressed for some time now and have been weighing ways to kill myself. I had finally decided on sleeping pills but after reading so many horror stories about people who take 30 or so pills and they don’t die- would […]