I have a problem. The first step is admitting it, right? That is what they say on TV. So I am going to put on my big boy pants and fess up… I’m addicted to pills. Sleep aids, cough medicine, herbal supplements, antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, anything! Let’s put it this way, if I am taking a walk and see a blister pack on the ground with one mystery pill inside, I have to restrain myself from picking it up. I’ve stolen medication. I’ve taken handfuls of it. I’ve lied to get it. I just can’t seem to stop. But it’s only because I a so […]
Tag:
my life
Sorry, guys, this “little story” might be a bit long for you, but maybe you’ll find something interesting.
When my parents separated, I had to move to another school, another house, another city. The changes were drastic. From the gorgeous three-floor plus balcony house we had to the new studio-type apartment barely the size of my old bedroom. From the Dad I knew and (maybe) loved, to this absolute stranger my Mom claimed to love. My problem was at home and I found ways to run away from it.
I made a ton of friends in my new school. I came home late most days, other days, […]
Not sure what to say as I know this post is only for me to feel better briefly. Guess I’ll just say I’m tired of trying and going back to square one every time. I know it’s how I see the world. I know it’s my brain ‘chemistry’.
I wonder why there can be two people with the same mental illness, the same struggles, and only one commits suicide. What makes the other person stronger?
It’s weird what sets me into a downward spiral now. I’ve pushed everyone away & out of my life and I’m not even sure why.
Guess I just feel completely hopeless. […]
Everyone is connected in two ways. In life, and in death. I know what you’re thinking, I’m just a loner on the other side of this screen, no one to leave behind when I die, a not-so-happy soul, when in fact, I’m the person everyone turns to when they have problems. I’m always cheery and happy and I honestly don’t think anyone can help that..My Mum says I’m the nicest person on earth. She said yesterday that she’s glad I don’t cut or have suicidal thoughts, and when I looked at the Television, which was what she was watching, I almost gasped and fell to […]
hell, I was so happy last year. New flat, new work, old friends, the most amazing boyfriend in my life…and now?
I fear death. Not my own. I can’t bear the thought of surviving while my beloved one doesn’t. I can’t see my beloved die, so I die first. don’t we have the right to choose and push the escape button?
It is so dangerous to love and then fear the death of that loving person.
If you’re on this website, I genuinely feel for you.
If you’re suicidal, I genuinely feel for you.
I never used to when I first came here, a long time ago now. But I do now.
I know what that pit feels like. It’s very cold, and small and absolutely terrifying. And when you’re in it, that fear is very real. That’s the thing normal people don’t get, the thought of suicide to a suicidal person, 9 times out of 10, is absolutely terrifying.
Pain can’t be measured on a scale.
Suicides can’t be ranked.
A death should never become just another number.
But hell, what do I know? I’m technically still […]
I really just need to vent out my problems to someone. I’m 15 and in high school, but I fucking hate my life. I hate my gender, my personality, and how i talk to people. Being on anxiety meds makes me talk more and when I talk, I say the stupidest shit. I hate being a guy and hate that people pertend that i’m not there. I swear everybody only talks to me out of pity. The only thing I can do is cut, but I’ve stop doing it as of late because it causes too many problems. I just hate myself and sometimes think […]
I’d like to take a moment to explain why those who share their suicidal intent with others will be unable to kill themselves, if they’re unable to kill themselves. That’s not really saying anything put like that, but what is given is advice to what i believe could be the majority of those who get themselves stuck in a hole, unwanting to live, unable to kill themselves, there are always outliers though, -real- psychopaths and what have you…
Anyways, as the saying goes: “those who share their suicidal intent with others are REALLY just crying out in a desperate plea for help, even if they […]
why do we yearn for death instead of yearning for a better life?
by cathy arsis
written by cathy arsis
i took 42 days and spoke not a word, nor did i write that would be cheating.
mostly i wondered why i wished for death so terribly
i want to end my life
for shame
i am ashamed of how scared i am, and how useless i am,
i am ashamed of how much of a burden i am
and how much hurt i cause to those i care for because i am weak
if measured by the skill it takes to kill
a phantom is a 1,000 weights and reality a penny pound
and all my strength turned to ash by the febrile strength of an unjust man
dissipated by sour breath and uncouth […]
I am 34 years old. I am absolutely worthless. I am alone and will always be that way because I am the ugliest creature on the planet (short, fat, and the most disgusting butterface anyone has ever had the displeasure of laying eyes on). I have no hope to ever be loved. I have been trying so hard to be happy and I was doing well for a while. I was volunteering, working with kids since I will never have any of my own but my sister screwed that up by starting some shit with the wrong people online and dragging me down with her […]
I lie here trying to get myself to understand why I so badly need to destroy my life tonight. I have pondered on every explanation as to why I want to watch my own blood flow like a river around me. I have a loving family that would protect me regardless the reason, a house which provides me with ample physical comfort, and a friend who would never think of judging me. I have so many reasons to live, and so many things to lose. I can tell myself that many times, but I can’t seem to accept it emotionally.
“I love you more” ….these words are haunting me now. I used to say them to you, when we were in love and together. Now, you’ve said you’re done, that nothing can save our love, our lil family. So it’s true. I do love you more. I love you so much I can’t stand not being without you, talking to you, can’t stand you not in my life. One day that you’ll be with another man, in love with him, in his arms, making love to him, calling him baby. I can’t take that pain, and you won’t save me. Told you I’d kill myself […]
So it’s been a while since I’ve posted properly. Had a good vent.
Honestly, it’s because I haven’t needed to. Things are good. They feel good. Only they don’t really feel good. Not like they should. Not like they did.
Made a new friend. It’s nice having a new friend. Distracts you from your own life.
I have a nice little community, a nice support system, if you will. And we all look out for each other. And they just accepted me in one day. And they treat me like a friend, they are genuinely interested in my life and how I’m doing. I haven’t had that in […]
Wondering starting to date again… I like one girl more then the others she is cute and sweet. She is originally from the country that I moved too 6 years ago. But also lived in the east and southern of Europe.
She is 8 years older then me. I don’t mind. I actually quite like it as I would like children and I think she would want them too. I wonder though if it is a wise step.. in the longer run for my happiness if that path were to happen….
we click really well so I do not really for see problems in that […]
I dont feel like ive explained myself well enough in the first post , since leaving the basement i feel as if my life has changed to frequently, that nothing is substantial or sustainable, i have had the worst luck and the best fortune all at the same time, so many people have stopped there lives to benifit mine and reverse side of that is so many people have walked over my life to get what they want, i just cant believe i got out, just as i resigned myself to my fate i got freed? tell me that isnt coincidence, this cant be real, […]
I can’t breathe, I can’t think. My heart is broken, my life is broken, I am broken. My mom shot herself 2 years ago and I’m trying to not think these thoughts, make these plans..I just can’t help it. I am so sad and alone and lost. I always wanted my legacy to be something extraordinary, special. It didn’t work out. My life has been one tragedy, one struggle, after another. People say I’m smart & beautiful, but I’m not. I never married because I didn’t want to ‘settle’.. but people just assume there’s something wrong with me. Every night I come home to an […]
I often question the reality in which i live, sometimes i think it is an elaborate ploy. An illusion manifested by my subconscious to shield me from an ever harsher reality i maybe it. I fear that i am still locked in my mothers basement,that i was never let out. I think i maybe lying in the fetal position in the corner of the dark basement with the stone wall pressed into my back. Maybe i never did get out. I image the longer i was down there and the more i realized i may never know a life outside of that darkness the more […]
Well, since this is my first post I don’t really know what I’m doing. So I’ll just talk about who I am and why I’m here. I am a 15 year old girl from tennessee. I have a alcholoic father who is the cause of every single problem I have in my life. I suffer from severe depression and social anxiety. I never want to leave my house for anything. I had to drop out of traditional school to do online school. I never had good grades in school and I always assumed it was because I just couldn’t focus with a bunch of kids […]
As you get from the title I am new at this, I don’t really know where to begin. Sorry if it’s hard to understand I’ll do my best to keep it simple.
I’m still in highschool. I have been a cutter or “self-harmer” for about a year, though I have been depressed for years before I starting cutting. I tried to commit suicide a while back. I think about trying again everyday, I just don’t have the courage to try again. I’m afraid of what it will do to the people I leave behind. Life my family but most importantly my bestfriend. She knows about everything […]
I’ve been attempting to take my life since I was 14. I always have found ways to talk myself out of it. I’ve got to graduate college. At 20, I’ve got to get my BS degree. And now at 26, I’m here getting my PhD at a reputable university with a beautiful wife. What I feel at my core has not changed.
I want my aunt’s and my wife’s approval. Situate them with loaned money and then disappear the way I would like. I’ve done therapy. I’ve been on many prescription drugs. Still I find myself here.
I’ve been thinking lately that this never gets better. Everyone […]